Post # 1
I’ve about 95% decided that I want to have laser eye surgery. I’m sick of glasses and contacts and just think that if I’m going to do it, now is a good time (before we start a family). So, I went to the optometrist earlier this week to get his opinion, and he referred me to a centre that he’s been referring patients to for about 20 years. I talked to them today on the phone to schedule a consultation for two weeks from now. She said that the visit could take about 1.5hrs, and it’s in the city which is about 1.5hrs from where I live. Basically, I’ll have to take the day off to account for driving time and avoiding rush hour.
I’ve talked to DH about this quite often recently and mentioned to him that I would really like him to come along to the consultation with me so he knows all about it too. It’s eye surgery, which I know doesn’t take long and doesn’t have a big recovery, but still, it’s surgery and it makes me nervous. He seems to be making up every reason to not come. He works hourly, so he doesn’t want to miss a day’s pay. I get that, but him missing out on one day’s pay isn’t a big deal for our situation. He thinks his boss wont let him off again (he’s had random appointments lately too, but in town so just for a few hours). We work for the same company, so they will know why he’s going.
Just to add, he doesn’t want me to go to anything with him because he thinks it doesn’t concern me and that I ask too many questions. I think he believes that I should just deal with my own stuff the way he does. (I’m not happy that he excludes me from his big deal appointments.)
Am I being too selfish for wanting him to come along to my consultation or should I just shut up and go alone? He said he’ll come for the surgery (I hope so seeing (no pun intended) as I wont be able to drive myself home), but I really want him there for the whole thing.
Oh, and if anyone has any experiences with laser eye surgery, please share!
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
@sourcandy: I wouldn’t ask him to miss a days pay just for the consultation. The surgery itself would be another story but you said he’s already committed to that. If the consultation was close by it would make sense for him to come, but since it is so far away I wouldn’t push him on it. Just my two cents though. You need to do what you’re comfortable with.
Post # 4
@sourcandy: any surgery/procedure and any consultation I’d want my FI with me. Its one thing if he couldnt because of work, but if he just didnt want to I’d be upset. Especially if I asked him to come and then he said no.
I would just tell him you would be more comfortable with him. Most doctors suggest that someone comes because day of they will need to know what to expect too
Post # 5
It’s just a consultation…so you can just explain to him later.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
When I needed surgery on my cervix to remove cancerous cells I only took my husband on the day of the procedure because I needed someone to drive me (and I wanted him there for support.) Honestly, he’s going to be bored at your consultation because it’s not really about him and he likely won’t remmber any of it anyway. The doctor or nurse can give him a rundown of what to expect as far as taking care of you on the day of the procedure.
Post # 7
It’s just a consultation. He really doesn’t need to take unpaid time off work to attend. Also, why do you expect to go to his big appointments? It’d never occur to me to tag along with my DH for appointments that are for him alone.
Post # 8
I do I do!!!
What do you want to know? I had mine done 4 years ago, and FI had his done 2 years ago, also my sister and cousin had it too.
I’d go alone to the consultation, it’s no big deal really. They go over options, and do some tests to see if you’re eligable, etc. I wouldn’t have him go.
Post # 9
@sourcandy: He doesn’t really need to go to the consultation with you, unless he wants to but I don’t think it’s worth a day’s pay for him. My dad went to his first appointment with the doctor on his own. Basically, he/she will explain the procedure and examine your eyes to determine if you’re a candidate for the surgery. He just explained everything to us later when he got home.
My dad had laser eye surgery about 5 years ago, and recruited me to be his driver. The whole thing only takes like 15-20 minutes at the most – I didn’t even have enough time to finish the coffee from the machine they had in the waiting room. You’re going to need someone to drive you home though, and also for the next few days as your eyes heal up. Your vision will be very blurry and you’ll have to wear some pretty dark sunglasses (I think the doctor will tell you all of this at your appointment).
Also, your eyes might be dry for a while afterwards. I’ve heard this from my dad and several other people who’ve had the surgery. Just use artificial tears that you can get at the pharmacy, like Visine or Systane or something. You may have to use them for a few months as your eyes continue to heal up.
Post # 10
@sourcandy: Procedure yes, consultation no. This isn’t difficult subject matter, so you don’t need his emotional support and that’s the only reason why I would require my FI to go to just a consultation with me. Dr’s understand they need to speak to the drivers/caretakers that accompany their patient for a procedure.
Post # 11
@SparkleBee11: Yeah, I think he just doesn’t want to come. They don’t question him when he takes off work because it’s rare and when he does there’s good reasons. So I’m sure they wouldn’t have an issue with it.
@peachacid: Yeah, I know I can go alone, I guess I just would like him there for support.
Post # 12
@Steampunkbride: I know that statement was vague… Generally, no, I have no desire to go to his appointments. The one I’m vaguely referring to is with a specialist for this serious iron issue he has had for about 4 years that no doctors have been able to diagnose. It’s a teleconference. I feel like seeing as it’s a serious issue that concerns his overall health (he can’t qualify for life insurance because of it), I should know what’s going on.
Alright, well the majority wins. I’ll go alone.
Post # 13
I understand laser eye surgery is a big deal, but I echo PPs that this is just a consultation. I’m not sure why you need support during a consultation. It would be a more serious matter if you were getting a consultation because you found out that you have cancer (God forbid). I’d just make sure he comes with you for the actual surgery day. I agree with your husband that there’s no need to tag along on “big” appointments that don’t involve the both of you. He isn’t a child.