(Closed) Am I Being Selfish Or Unreasonable?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I being selfish by suggesting to use the PT more?

    No

    Yes

    Hubby is the one being unreasonable.

  • Post # 2
    Member
    832 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

    View original reply
    Bretts.Wifey:  Honestly, I don’t understand this problem. If you are BOTH in the car, how hard would it be for BOTH of you to grab the trash when you got out. I keep a walmart sack hooked to something for trash. I keep a small thing of cleaning wipes and wipe down the inside when I am riding. If he hits potholes and parking barries then maybe YOU drive YOUR car.

    Post # 3
    Member
    4235 posts
    Honey bee

    Um, no, but you sure are being emotionally manipulated and possibly abused by your dickhole of a husband.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2959 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    I don’t understand why the trash is a problem if both of you are using the car at the same times. How about you both take some responsibility and clean the car out? Have you asked him if you could drive sometimes, since he abuses the vehicles? 

    I don’t see why something like this is becoming an ultimatum issue. 

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    2133 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Nope. You are right.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1565 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Yikes! Talk about overreacting on his part. He sounds kinda awful from the way you describe him. I hope that’s not the norm for your relationship. Anyway, I agree with the PPs about the trash. Can’t you both grab the trash on your way out of the car? Or at least you ask him to bring his trash and you take yours to throw out? Or bring a trash bag to the car on Saturday morning and the both of you pitch that week’s trash into it? Do you not have the kind of relationship where you can sit down and point out that he tends to drive a little rough, so it makes sense to keep putting wear and tear on the PT so you can keep the Ford in as good shape as possible for backup use?

    Post # 7
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    I think there are some bigger issues here then just the car. His tone seems to be off. I know their are two sides to every story, but just reading yours has me wondering if he isn’t being verbally insulting on other things, no matter how small.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    No, it sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship. I would recommend counseling. It sounds like your hubby is a controlling user. Trust your gut. I would tell hubby that since he hasn’t taken care of the Ford that you are restricting his usage to the PT until he shows he can take better care of things. If he throws a fit and threatens to leave…LET HIM. A man who threatens to leave you probably will at some point, might As well be now rather than 5 years from now after 2 kids.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4527 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    The issue isn’t necessarily the car.. The issue is that he is essentially manipulating u and treating ur stuff like shit and then telling u that u have to do everything he says or he will leave???! Who the fuck says that??! I would be very upset if I were u especially bc this was a gift to u from ur dad and now he’s treating it like its not Urs at all…. I would have a long talk with him about ur feelings.. he needs to know that he’s being a douchebag!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1978 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Your husband seems to be very manipulative and controlling. Threatening to leave you over something like this is outrageous and terrible. You may be better off without him, transport to work or not.

    A logical adult would share the burden of maintaining vehicles and think practically about wear and tear on them. I sense your husband is not a logical adult. This can’t be the only time you have an issue with his behavior.

    Bottom line – yes you are “right”, you are not being selfish or unreasonable. But that doesn’t make this situation any better. You cannot reason with a man like you describe.

    Post # 11
    Member
    146 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    ClaudiaKishi:  +1 for use of the word “dickhole”. I’m also fond of “douche canoe”.

     

    Either way, OP, you are definitely being manipulated. He’s holding anything he can over your head in order to guilt you into doing whatever he wants. The gift of the car was to you from your dad, so you get to determine how it is used. Don’t let him guilt you into giving him his way. I know he’s your husband, but you deserve to be treated better than that. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    His reaction was completely out of line. That would be my focus omre than the car. I think you need to have another talk with him that completely leaves the car out of it and only focuses on how he responded and his anger.

    As for the car, if you’re both driving to work together, why can’t you drive? That way the car won’t be hitting pot holes and curbs.  When you both get home at the end of the day, take the trash out of the car together.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Why can’t you just tell your husband that the reason why you don’t want to mess the Ford up is because he treats his car like shit?

    Your dad gifted the car to YOU.  YOU get to decide how it’s used, not your husband.

    You need to stand up for yourself.

    Post # 14
    Member
    15278 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    WTF.  I can’t even really wrap my head around how this can be such an issue, especially since both cars are pretty old with in a few years of each other.  I mean, I might get it if one of the was brand spanking new and he wanted to keep the mileage low… but at this point.. what does it matter?  He sounds like a total jack ass.  If it’s “your” car, why don’t you drive it so he doesnt mess it up if you think he’s a rough driver.  DH and I carpool to work too since we work within 3 miles of each other.. and we take turns with our cars to keep the mileage even since they are a year apart.  And then sometimes we try to take mine more since it has better gas mileage and when we take “mine”, I drive.  If he’s using “your” car more, and then telling you to deal with it if anythign goes wrong, then no, that is unacceptable.  I’d tell him to fuck off and jut drive myself if he were going to be such a dick.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4787 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    Bretts.Wifey:  You’re not being selfish. However, what you should be worried about is how fired up he gets about which car to drive. He’s overreacting, calling you names (verbal abuse), and mistreating your shared property – and manipulating you to the point that you came here to ask us if YOU are the problem. 

     

     

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