Post # 1
Recently my dad gave me his old car (2000 Ford Taurus) because he got a new one and my car (1988 Pontiac) was having some problems. Before my dad gave me the Ford, my husband and I were driving hubby’s 2003 PT Cruiser to work and driving my Pontiac only on weekends. Hubby is very rough on vehicles (hits potholes, runs the front bumper over the parking barriers, leaves excessive trash in them, ect.) and to be honest, I think he partly caused some of my Pontiac’s problems. Since being gifted the Ford, hubby only wants to drive that and makes up excuses for why he doesn’t want to drive his PT: no gas (even when it has gas), no power steering fluid (takes 2 seconds to put some in), too much trash (doesn’t want to clean it out) so we just end up taking the Ford to work all week and also driving it all weekend. Hubby and I work close together and around the same times so we feel like taking one vehicle is more gas efficient then driving seperately. I noticed since driving the Ford so much, the inside is starting to have excessive trash and now there are drink and dirt stains on the seats (the car was in perfect condition when my dad first gifted it to me.) Today I ask hubby if we could take his PT to work today, tomorrow, and also drive it this weekend to give the Ford a break. He refused and said that there was no reason why we couldn’t continue to drive the Ford. I calmly stated that the original deal was to drive the PT to work and then to drive the Pontiac (now Ford) only on weekends as is was supposed to be a back-up car incase something went wrong with the PT. He starts yelling at me saying that I am being selfish, unreasonable, and “always have to have a problem with everything and make things difficult.” I wouldn’t have a problem with driving the Ford all the time but when the Pontiac was broken down and before we were gifted the Ford, hubby and I got into a big dissagreement and he threatened to leave. He kept holding the fact that I didn’t have a working car over my head and kept saying that if I didn’t do whatever it was that he wanted, he would leave and I would have no way to get to work, etc. Hubby makes way more money then I do and I didn’t have the money to get a new engine for the Pontiac. This scares me because I feel like he is going to run the Ford to death and when we have another dissagreement, he will hold the fact that I don’t have a car over my head again to get me to do whatever it is he wants. So long story short Bees, and sorry for the venting, am I being selfish by suggesting we start using the PT more?
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
Honestly, I don’t understand this problem. If you are BOTH in the car, how hard would it be for BOTH of you to grab the trash when you got out. I keep a walmart sack hooked to something for trash. I keep a small thing of cleaning wipes and wipe down the inside when I am riding. If he hits potholes and parking barries then maybe YOU drive YOUR car.
Post # 3
Um, no, but you sure are being emotionally manipulated and possibly abused by your dickhole of a husband.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I don’t understand why the trash is a problem if both of you are using the car at the same times. How about you both take some responsibility and clean the car out? Have you asked him if you could drive sometimes, since he abuses the vehicles?
I don’t see why something like this is becoming an ultimatum issue.
Post # 6
Yikes! Talk about overreacting on his part. He sounds kinda awful from the way you describe him. I hope that’s not the norm for your relationship. Anyway, I agree with the PPs about the trash. Can’t you both grab the trash on your way out of the car? Or at least you ask him to bring his trash and you take yours to throw out? Or bring a trash bag to the car on Saturday morning and the both of you pitch that week’s trash into it? Do you not have the kind of relationship where you can sit down and point out that he tends to drive a little rough, so it makes sense to keep putting wear and tear on the PT so you can keep the Ford in as good shape as possible for backup use?
Post # 7
I think there are some bigger issues here then just the car. His tone seems to be off. I know their are two sides to every story, but just reading yours has me wondering if he isn’t being verbally insulting on other things, no matter how small.
Post # 8
No, it sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship. I would recommend counseling. It sounds like your hubby is a controlling user. Trust your gut. I would tell hubby that since he hasn’t taken care of the Ford that you are restricting his usage to the PT until he shows he can take better care of things. If he throws a fit and threatens to leave…LET HIM. A man who threatens to leave you probably will at some point, might As well be now rather than 5 years from now after 2 kids.
Post # 9
The issue isn’t necessarily the car.. The issue is that he is essentially manipulating u and treating ur stuff like shit and then telling u that u have to do everything he says or he will leave???! Who the fuck says that??! I would be very upset if I were u especially bc this was a gift to u from ur dad and now he’s treating it like its not Urs at all…. I would have a long talk with him about ur feelings.. he needs to know that he’s being a douchebag!!
Post # 10
Your husband seems to be very manipulative and controlling. Threatening to leave you over something like this is outrageous and terrible. You may be better off without him, transport to work or not.
A logical adult would share the burden of maintaining vehicles and think practically about wear and tear on them. I sense your husband is not a logical adult. This can’t be the only time you have an issue with his behavior.
Bottom line – yes you are “right”, you are not being selfish or unreasonable. But that doesn’t make this situation any better. You cannot reason with a man like you describe.
Post # 11
+1 for use of the word “dickhole”. I’m also fond of “douche canoe”.
Either way, OP, you are definitely being manipulated. He’s holding anything he can over your head in order to guilt you into doing whatever he wants. The gift of the car was to you from your dad, so you get to determine how it is used. Don’t let him guilt you into giving him his way. I know he’s your husband, but you deserve to be treated better than that.
Post # 12
His reaction was completely out of line. That would be my focus omre than the car. I think you need to have another talk with him that completely leaves the car out of it and only focuses on how he responded and his anger.
As for the car, if you’re both driving to work together, why can’t you drive? That way the car won’t be hitting pot holes and curbs. When you both get home at the end of the day, take the trash out of the car together.
Post # 13
Why can’t you just tell your husband that the reason why you don’t want to mess the Ford up is because he treats his car like shit?
Your dad gifted the car to YOU. YOU get to decide how it’s used, not your husband.
You need to stand up for yourself.
Post # 14
WTF. I can’t even really wrap my head around how this can be such an issue, especially since both cars are pretty old with in a few years of each other. I mean, I might get it if one of the was brand spanking new and he wanted to keep the mileage low… but at this point.. what does it matter? He sounds like a total jack ass. If it’s “your” car, why don’t you drive it so he doesnt mess it up if you think he’s a rough driver. DH and I carpool to work too since we work within 3 miles of each other.. and we take turns with our cars to keep the mileage even since they are a year apart. And then sometimes we try to take mine more since it has better gas mileage and when we take “mine”, I drive. If he’s using “your” car more, and then telling you to deal with it if anythign goes wrong, then no, that is unacceptable. I’d tell him to fuck off and jut drive myself if he were going to be such a dick.
Post # 15
You’re not being selfish. However, what you should be worried about is how fired up he gets about which car to drive. He’s overreacting, calling you names (verbal abuse), and mistreating your shared property – and manipulating you to the point that you came here to ask us if YOU are the problem.