(Closed) Am I being stupid?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9092 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you trust your fiance, then there is no problem.

So what he got a message from a girl he used to be seeing? He’s with you, right? Even you said it, he used to see her, so they broke up for a reason.

If you’re this worried about a message (which may or may not have been completely innocent or could be spam) then you’re not completely trusting him.

Post # 3
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

Agree with PP. If you trust your FH, then this wouldn’t be an issue.

However, my cheating ex always seemed to have a “bad memory” when it came to things like this, so… I am sensitive to this scenario.

When someone refers to their exes as crazy, I also think that’s nonsense. Clearly they didn’t think they were crazy at the time they were dating, right? Either way, maybe he should block her and not have to deal with her messages at all.

Not trying to add fuel to the fire, but personally I’m all for getting things out in the open, discussed, wrapped up, and put behind you. This is probably nothing, which is why you should put your mind at ease and have a convo with your FH.

Post # 4
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Do facebook messages really delete? I thought they all just go to an archive that you can re-access. My friend’s boyfriend thought he had deleted messages, but she was able to find them in an archive file. He was setting up hook up times with his ex-gf.  If it is really bugging you I would just look in his archives. 

Post # 7
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

katierattray:  I’m always very wary of men who call women “crazy” to prove their own innocence in a situation.

Post # 8
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I understand your apprehension–I would definitely be anxious too–but I think this is one of those things you’re going to have to just let go.  You’ve already spoken with him about it; continuing to harp on it is going to make you seem, at the very least, insecure.  Just remind yourself that you trust him and it probably won’t even bother you anymore in a couple of days.  

Post # 9
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

katierattray:  If you trust him then you trust him.  He probably deleted it without really reading it.  He knew it wasn’t someone he wanted to talk to, so why would he keep it? 

Post # 9
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Oh, I wouldn’t trust him on this one. If he didn’t write anything inappropriate back, why should he feel the need to delete it? Then he could have just shown you that she wrote, and what he answered, or did not answer. Whether he did something inappropriate or not has nothing to do with you trusting him or not?! His actions isn’t automatically a non-problem just because YOU trust HIM. People can be assholes even if their closest ones trust them and think they are angels. I don’t see the connection between those two things, honestly. Red flag for sure. With this said, the whole thing doesn’t have to be a big deal, but IMO just deleting an new message from some old flirt IS a big deal. But I admit on beeing the jealous type. And not remembering.. what? Thats’ just BS. Sorry Bee. Your man isn’t beeing completely honest with you. Make him speak and let him know that he will never lie to you this way again. 

Post # 10
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Sorry, didn’t see all those messages about the archive before I wrote, where do I find the archive? Are you girls sure about that? 

Agreeing with the Bee who said the thing about calling other woman “crazy”, IF you find out he had a conversation with her, that would, for me, sound like he might have interest in this one, but he wants you to feel safe and not to worry about her so he’s making her this “crazy bitch”.

Post # 12
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

katierattray:  A very similar situation has happened to me, but after further investigation I was just blowing things out of proportion and she just wanted his advice on something which he didn’t even address. He didn’t even entertain it and deleted it right away as not to alarm or upset me. (We share a facebook account, so he really can’t hide anything). If I were you, go with your gut. If you really trust him, then show him that. 

Post # 13
Member
11528 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Speck_:  word. “she’s crazy” doesn’t say much. 

Post # 15
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Speck_:  LOL.. I feel the same.

katierattray:  If that’s the case, why are you concerned? You trust him.. End of.. Who cares who messages him?

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