(Closed) Am I being too controlling??

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@stardustintheeyes:  I’m not giving him points for letting her have her way on things that he doesn’t even care about – it would be different if he’d had opinions on other things and they’d gone with what she wanted. And normally I would say if it’s the only thing that’s important to him to just let him have it – the only thing my husband cared about was the music, and I booked the Beatles cover band he was obsessed with despite the fact that I would’ve preferred a DJ. But that was a fun thing for the reception. I’m with the OP that this just seems to make a joke out of their ceremony – I mean, come on. Dumb and Dumber? Really? But I think your wording is a pretty good way for her to start the conversation with him.

Post # 48
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d tell him if he wants to have a little fun at the reception and wear the silly outfit after the speeches and cake cutting, then go for it.  But the ceremony isn’t a joke, and I’d be seriously pissed if my fiance treated it like one.  Trust me, my fiance’s going to get a little silly at the reception, but that’s the party – it’s supposed to be where you cut loose!  There’s a time and place for everything.

Post # 49
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

@Wonderstruck:  the bottom line for me is that everyone has an idea of what they see themselves in for their wedding. His vision for himself is no less important than hers. Whether he wants to be super formal or silly is up to him. Kind of like if a bride wants to be super sexy or super regal. Her vision for her how she wants to look on her wedding day is her own. He should be allowed the same freedom when it comes to his attire. The most people will do is possibly think “hmm a blue suit… well thats an interesting choice.” I doubt that his clothes will ruin anything for anyone. But it might take something away from him to not be allowed to wear what he has his heart set on. What would be better, to look back on the photos and think “thank god he didn’t wear that suit even though I know he really really wanted to” or “omg what a funny dude I married lol him and that darn blue suit! gosh what a battle that was, but what a memory!”

This falls under the same category for me as when a bride expects her bridal party to alter their appearance to fit her vision of photos. What is more important, the happiness and comfort of your loved one? or photos and fitting your vision?

Post # 50
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

In my opinion it is far better to marry a man in a blue tux than to be the kind of woman who doesn’t “allow” her adult partner to wear what he wants at his wedding, or feels the need to “put her foot down” and tell him “no”. 

I would be willing to bet that a lot of women on here using those phrases would be screaming “Abusive!” and “Controlling!” if they heard men talk about their wives or girlfriends like that.

Post # 51
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I always told my Fiance he could wear whatever he wanted, be it a suit or tux or whatever…but I also knew I wouldn’t have to worry about what he picked.  I’m tempted to say let him wear what he wants to wear, but man he’s going to clash so bad.


Post # 53
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ha ha, glad you guys could figure that out. 🙂

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