(Closed) Should I have written a note for my son? please read.

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 137
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think the teacher did the right thing. And I think you’re right in not letting a mistake go unnoticed or undiscussed. Yes, every one makes mistakes, but if it could have been avoided by slowing down a little and checking your work, then it’s not as excusable. People should be taught this even when they’re young. 

I teach college undergraduates at a large university and see the result of kids that have been coddled along. At 19/20/21 years old, you should be able to submit your lab report, on time, with all the necessary data and calculations attached. Every week though, I have people complaining that  they forgot to staple something, or didn’t know that there were additional questions that had to be answered. It sucks to be mean, but if they hadn’t left their reports to the last minute and gave them a final check before turning them in, they could have avoided the problem. What’s frightening is these are pre-med kids that are going on to doctors. Not checking your work as a doctor can cost lives. So while being a hard ass is not fun, they need to know that looking over their work before handing it off to anyone else is very important. 

Rant over. 

Post # 141
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

@stardustintheeyes:  

I’m not going to comment on your parenting choice because you know what works for your son better then I. Now, in terms of the note. I think you should contact the teacher and ask if he can complete the assignment and have her mark it. This way he’s getting the learning oppourtunity. Your punishment isn’t teaching him the educational moment he just lost. However I would make it clear (to the teacher) that you are not expecting her to take this into account and re-mark his assignment. 

Your comment on using reading as a punishment not affecting his enjoyment of reading is false. It has been studied and is currently being re-evaluated by a team at my university. When something that is seen as a task like reading (because our school systems makes reading a task) is used in terms of a punishment overall enjoyment is decreased. PLEASE NOTE: I’m not trying to change your mind about your choice. I just wanted the fact to be out there.

Let us know if you decide to contact the teacher!!

 

 

Post # 143
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@stardustintheeyes:  Just wondering, if you aren’t going to write a note why did you ask if you should? I’m just unsure if I missed the actual question you intended to ask. 

Post # 145
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m going to start off by saying that I don’t have kids…but I think you handled it the way it should be.  Yeah, it was a simple mistake, but he needed to learn to be more careful.  Next time I’m sure he’ll look over his work to make sure that he did it all.

Post # 146
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@stardustintheeyes:  It’s not necessarily about lowering expectations, but about helping students achieve.  If you give students work that is too hard, they won’t do it, no matter how high your expectations are.  Just as if you give kids work that is too easy, they won’t do it or will do it carelessly.  

 

Post # 147
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@stardustintheeyes – You’re missing the point. With the home lives that these students come from, we have to have realistic expectations. About 15-20% of our students are currently homeless, and about 1/3 of them are experiencing PTSD – that’s higher than the rates of war-returned vets. Many don’t carry backpacks or have pencils. My 10th graders read at a 6th grade reading level.

If I asked them to accomplish the same things my students did last year, not only would most simply not be able to, but they would just give up altogether. This year our administration has told us to focus more on building trusting relationships with our students to get them invested in school. The focus of a failing school should not immediately be to drill and kill all academic skills – it should be to heal school wounds so learning can happen next. They had 70% teacher turnover last year and I came in mid-year after their teacher quit and they had subs for a month.

I don’t have low expectations and call it a day. I’m here for at least 12 hours a day, in 4-8 meetings a week, working after school with students for 1-2 hours most days, and working through weekends to plan. Chances are I make less than most Bees on here with college degrees working in professional settings.

Post # 148
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

I don’t think you were harsh at all.  I probably would have done the same thing (if I had kids). And your mom shouldn’t be mad at you.

Post # 150
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@stardustintheeyes:  “And mad for that matter at the parents and others in that community that have contributed to this being their reality.”  AND I’m mad at society as a whole for not caring about the kids in those communities, and for contributing further to their disenfranchisement.  

Post # 151
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
@stardustintheeyes:  I think you made a really great decision. 

I also want to add thank you for not writing a note to the teacher! I get students all the time that make careless mistakes or honest mistakes who ask for a redo, and my reponse is always “No, because then I’d have to give everyone else who is not happy with their grade the same opportunity to redo the work.” There just isn’t enough time to let everyone who is unhappy with their grade redo their work.

School (whether elementary or college) is a place where you can safely learn to make mistakes and the consquences of that mistake because the results are relatively minor compared to the real world. As you pointed out one D isn’t going to kill his grade, however in a career–skipping an entire page of work whether it’s a legal briefing or a medical chart–and you could be fired or worse.  Learning not to be careless and understanding there are consquences of that carelessness now helps prevent those same behaviors in a more serious situation later.

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