(Closed) Should I have written a note for my son? please read.

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 167
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@CherryWaves:  Do you have this article, can you send me the link in a PM or post it? I would be very interested to read it! I feel the same way. I mean there has to be balance, kids need to be able to be kids. But I certainly agree that kids should be raised with the priority of helping them become responsible, productive adults and sometimes (..often) this is at odds with their maximum potential happiness at any given moment!

Post # 168
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Aliso Viejo Conference Center

My parents disciplined me in the same way you disciplined your son. Not to say I am perfect but I will always double check and make sure that my job is completed to a level higher than what is expected. My employer loves me for it (3 raises in a year would explain it :D). Honestly, I believe that you are instilling great values in him. 

Post # 169
Member
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@stardustintheeyes:  Yeah, I know. And I’m not even saying you’re wrong in this instance. I’m just trying to caution you to not expect perfect all the time, because he’ll get burned out or too stressed out by the time college rolls around!

Post # 170
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I have 2 sons of my own and I completely agree with the way that you handled the situation!  Stay strong!  One of the biggest downfalls of our society is being to easy on our children!  Here’s a quote that I think sums it up prefectly  “If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders”

Post # 171
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you freaking rock, that is what I think. My parents were hard on me when it came to boys and dating, and I believe that strictness has reflected positively in my romantic relationships. However, because school came easily to me, they never really policed me. When it came time for me to actually work hard, I didn’t have that work ethic instilled in me. Of course, I am not blaming my parents. They were amazing parents, and I could not ask for better. They had me when they were 16. That is more the norm now, but years ago they were ostracized. In My Humble Opinion, they did a wonderful job with their resources. I do have a MA of Education now, but I went back to school to get that. My first time around, I didn’t take school seriously. I truly believe that is because my parents were not hard me when it came to my education. 

As a teacher, I can say that I would have marked you son’s paper the same way. I have done it before. I work in a high needs school, but I do not set the bar low for my babies. I set it realistically high because I want them to push themselves; however, I still want them to be able to feel a sense of achievement. On the other hand, if my student had taken the initiative and inquired about their test, I would have given them the opportunity to correct it. When they show me they are invested in their success, I am going to do my damnest to give them all the chances that they need.

With that being said, I would not appreciate a note from a parent asking me to make allowances for their child. I am always delighted when I have a parent who cares enough to go above and beyond for their child. I don’t see that enough with the parents of my kids, and it is reflected in their work. Nevertheless, that kind of note would verge on helicopter parent, and you were right not to send it.

Overall, I believe you handled your child impeccably, and I have no doubt that he will become a responsible and positive addition to society. The only thing I am concerned about is your decision to punish with reading. I do believe that sends a negative message about reading. His brain will start to associate reading with “punishment”, and thus it may feel like a chore. I understand that you will do what you think it is best for your child, but as a teacher who spends hours on ideas that will make reading fun, it struck a chord with me 🙂

//

Post # 172
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@MrsStrawberry24:  Assuming that those who don’t agree with the OP’s parenting methods are raising children who will think it’s ok to turn in “half school work” is ridiculous and false on so many accounts. Good luck to you with that kind of thinking.

 

I still stand by my opinion that if your 7 year old child hardly ever does this (according to you), didn’t do this on purpose or intend to miss the entire page, makes fantastic grades in school, AND agrees that it was carelessness on his part, you are being way too hard on him by taking away something he loves. For God’s sake, he seems like a great kid and I find it sad that he will most likely grow up thinking that no matter what he does, it isn’t good enough for you. There is nothing he did wrong in this situation when you comfronted him. In the end, we are going to have to agree to disagree but I can promise that any future children of mine will never feel like I am “above mistakes”. My child will not be punished for a slip up when he/she does outstanding in pretty much every category. Good luck.

Post # 174
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I completely agree with the way that YOU handled things.  I think it is an excellent way to teach your child to pay attention to detail.  If he would of just glanced over his homework before he handed it in then he would of noticed before he handed it in that he missed an entire page.

If your son wants to get his grade up then he should talk to the teacher about what he can do for extra credit. 

It is not up to the teacher to go to a student and tell them.  Well your homework was due yesterday and I noticed that you missed an entire page so I am going to give it back to you so you can do it tonight and make sure that you hand it back in tomorrow.  I’m sorry.  A teacher gives you an assignment and a due date.  It is up to you to do it properly and not to expect second chances.

Post # 175
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

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@hisprettygirl:  

This is off topic BUT:

I wish all of our schools had teachers who wanted students to experience the feeling of success as much as you do. Around here those schools are begging for teachers because people don’t want to take on the task. It is much harder to teach students who have no support, no investment, and struggling family situations then it is another student. 

Post # 176
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

I personally loved your approach since it seems like he was just being careless. It may have been a little “harsh” from a grand mothers point but your the mom. You’re molding this kid do what you think is best.

Post # 177
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@stardustintheeyes:  My attitude is why children are ungrateful? LOL you have just checked yourself out of a mature & rational conversation so I don’t see a point in conversing with you any further on this since you can’t handle anyone who challenges your parenting style. I’d advise you to probably take a break from posting these kinds of threads asking about your parenting style if you are going to argue with everyone who opposes (as you’ve clearly done from the beginning). Have a great day! 

Post # 179
Member
7996 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with you for the most part.  I would have made my child (who is 9) complete the assignment and turn it in to the teacher- to show it was completed- NOT for any credit.  I don’t know that I would have taken away the Xbox for a whole week- but if that is how your household works I think that is fine.

Post # 180
Member
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you handled this situation perfectly OP.

Harsh? I don’t think so. Not even a little bit.

Post # 181
Member
4952 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think you handled it very well, but I think you went a little overboard on the punishment. He’s 7, and it was the first time this has ever happened. IMO, the lecture, making him do the page (and then you check it), and maybe the extra reading or a couple days of no Xbox would’ve been plenty. If it became a recourring thing, then you move on to harsher punishments. 

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