(Closed) Should I have written a note for my son? please read.

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with your approach. My FI’s son is the same way, he forgot to put the date on a paper and got points off, that stuff maters and teaching them to pay attention to the details is important. It’s not going to hurt your son to have a week w/out his xbox and he might learn a valuable lesson this way.

Post # 18
739 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you were to harsh at all. I know kids are kids and we all make mistakes but I also think people are WAY to soft on kids. Your #1 job as a parent is to make sure he grows up to be a good contributor to society. It’s a WEEK with no xbox. Not like you threw it in the trash. Next time he will pay a little more attention to what he is doing. Our society has us brainwashed that we need to give kids a magical childhood and I feel it just churns out more entitled, pride-less, lazy, young adults who don’t understand consequence. I’m not saying you need to be all ‘tiger mom’ on him, but I definitely think the punishment fits the crime. Easy for your mom to say, not her responsiblity to make sure he’s turns into a successful adult.

Post # 20
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I forgot to ask how old he is…

Post # 21
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

People make mistakes and being overly harsh teaches a child nothing other than to be scared to mess up. I’ve missed pages, dropped things, forgot stuff etc. because I am human. There is a big difference between something being a bad habit and an honest mistake. 

Post # 24
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@stardustintheeyes:  I definitely agree, but I guess I’m saying it had to do with the kid.  I probably should have been more clear in my explanation.

For me: I would have beaten myself up over a D, so my parents didn’t have to reprimand me.  I also would have gone right back to the teacher and tried to fix it.

My sister cared less about grades, so a D due to her not checking her work wouldn’t have bothered her.  She therefore lost television privileges. 

So basically, I might have been a little more lenient since he usually gets A’s.  But if he didn’t act bothered, I would have taken something away (xbox).

But I would not talk to the teacher on his behalf.

(i.e. I agree with what you did!)

Post # 25
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think that your solution was perfectly in line – I wish my parents had held me accountable for mistakes in schoolwork!

Post # 26
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@stardustintheeyes:   I think you did the right thing!  You’re teaching him to be responsible and that’s your job, as his mom.  Good for you and I’m sure the teacher appreciates your efforts as well.  As far as your mom not agreeing, well, you are his mother and it’s up to you to make the decisions you feel are best with your child.

You may want to explain very clearly to him why you did what you did so he will understand.  I always gave my son a clear explanation of his “punishments” or any disciplinary action I would take in response to misbehavior.  And you know what he told me one time, when he was around 12?  He said, “Mom, I know the rules and I know I broke them.  The consequences you gave me are very fair and it’s ok.  I learn from this stuff.”


Post # 27
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

View original reply
@stardustintheeyes:  I think you acted appropriately.  As long as he understood WHY he was getting his xbox taken away and as long as you weren’t screaming at him or making him feel bad about himself (which it doesn’t sound like you did), then I think it’s the right thing to do.  You are giving him that extra week to think about what’s important and to spend some time on his reading.  Nothing wrong w/that. You’re not making him do hard labor or extra chores.  You’re taking away something that is a PRIVILEGE and could also potentially be distracting.  I think school is important and doing a job well is also important.  There is nothing wrong w/holding him to a high standard. 

Post # 28
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I do not think you are being too hard on him! Far too many parents blame the teacher when the child gets a bad grade, like your mom wants you to do, instead of using it as an opportunity to teach their child something about responsibility and, like you said, taking pride in his work. I bet he’ll be a better student/employee in the future thanks to you showing him this is important and that he cannot just blame others for not letting him fix his mistake.

It would be one thing if he was failing the class and you wanted to meet with the teacher and him to see if there was anything he could do, extra credit or something, to boost his grades. But he isn’t failing, one bad grade will nto make or break him, and it sounds like you’re handling it perfectly.

Post # 29
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@stardustintheeyes:  I think as long as you’re okay with the punishment, then that’s all that matters. Like I said, I probably wouldn’t have taken the xbox away, but because you did, he’ll probably never miss a page of an assignment again. I don’t think taking it away was wrong by any means. In general, I think it’s great that you did something. I know too many parents who probably wouldn’t have done anything at all.

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