(Closed) Should I have written a note for my son? please read.

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
Post # 77
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@stardustintheeyes:  As a teacher, not a parent, you did the RIGHT THING!!!

I’m actually really impressed with how you handled it. He learned a valuable lesson and will be much more careful in the future. He also learned that mom will not “bail him out” so to speak whenever he gets in trouble or makes a mistake. BRAVO!!!

Post # 79
86 posts
Worker bee

As an elementary school teacher, kudos to you for making your son accept the natural consequences of his actions.

Since your son regularly is capable of above and beyond work, it is right of you to punish him when he is being careless, and after reading why you put the xbox punishment in there, it absolutely makes sense. Do I have to up the ante with my class when they aren’t taking me seriously? yes. Do they sit up and pay attention? yes. Kids are kids, and sometimes, to get important points across (life skills, safety, etc) we have to make it absolutely clear how serious we are. That being said, sometimes in second grade, especially with the gifted children, they are bored with their reading material. It isn’t that they don’t like to read, they just haven’t been given anything that they are truly interested in. Please take a few moments to casually talk to your son about his interests, and go to the library and pick out some books together. A love of reading doesn’t hurt later on, especially in college when they have so much mandatory reading to do- they need those reading skills. Being a second grader, he needs your guidance in finding books and selecting a “just right” book for him (5 finger rule- if he reads a page and more than 5 words are too hard, its too hard right now. 0-1 book is too easy, 2-4 just right). Sometimes the teacher is too busy with a class of 20+ students to do this with every single child.

Post # 81
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would have asked the teacher to let him hand it in corrected, and have it marked down one letter grade (so even if it’s perfect, he’ll get a B instead of an A) so that he understands that carelessness has consequences, but so that it doesn’t have too large of an effect on his overall grade. I personally was never punished for a bad grade…I didn’t get many, I was mostly a straight A student, and my parents knew that getting a bad grade was punishment enough for me, that I would be internally beating myself up over anything less than an A. I wasn’t rewarded for good grades either, the grade was reward enough.

Post # 83
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m totally with you on this.  You have to nip habits like this in the bud before they get intrenched and they take them to highschool.  What if in grade 12 he missed a page on his final exam and lost out on a scholarship opportunity or something?  

Also, I would NEVER tell a teacher how to do their job.  Writing a note and asking for a second chance is out of line.  Talking to the teacher and asking for extra credit work for him to make up for the grade?  Maybe.  But Grade 2 is a little early to start worrying about that stuff.  If he were in HS it would make more of a difference.

Post # 84
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

As a teacher, if I saw a kid missed an entire page, I would give them the chance to complete it and turn it back in. I do agree that you should not have contacted the teacher. So many parents feel like their kid should get special treatment and should get extra opportunities for their mistakes rather than be responsible and do it right the first time. I also don’t think your punishment was too harsh. I think your son will remember this and always double check that his work is complete.

Post # 87
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@stardustintheeyes:  I seriously want to applaud you for your approach.  As a college professor who teaches 19-20 year old college students, I see the effects of coddling in my college students.  I have students not see the last page of the test and then come to me expecting to be able to complete it for some credit.  They then get upset with me when I don’t allow it because they feel entititled to this opportunity.  I think it’s important to teach kids to take responsibility for their actions (starting as young as necessary) and even simple mistakes have consequences we have to deal with.  In life, we can’t just say “it was a mistake” and be free of the repercussions.  I think how you handled it was perfect. 

Post # 88
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Your approach does seem a bit harsh to me, but that’s just my opinion.

Everyone makes mistakes, and personally I wouldn’t have made him feel bad for losing or missing a page of otherwise good work.

I’d probably have given him a cuddle and helped him write a note to the teacher. I’m not saying you did the wrong thing, but I would approach this differently.

Post # 89
6844 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018

Hi bees,

I agree and disagree to what has been posted here. I have no children, but I do have brothers and a sister, which I have helped out. A couple of things, EVERYONE makes mistakes. Even we as adults do as well. Missing a single page from a packet, now let me ask you why does not having a one page on a 3-page package makes it for a D. Even if he got all the other two pages right, that will at least give him a C in my opinion. By the way, I have worked as an elementary instructor. If I was the parent, I will get things straight from the teacher, yes parents contact the teacher. Nothing is wrong with that, and many of the issues that occur in education is due to the lack of parent involvement.  Too much involvement can also be bad. Let the teacher teach and parents do the parenting. This is what I would have done. I would have asked the teacher if missing the page is fair for a D. Then, I would of course talk to my son and tell him that what he did has had a big effect on his grade, then I would have asked him, what do you think went wrong. Hoping that my son being the good kid, he is, he would respond that he has made a mistake. I would have him re-do the page whether he would get credit or not. I agree that probably taking away something from him would be a good idea like x-box, etc. Now, from that point on, I and him will  review the hw the night before to make sure, he gets into the habit of checking everything before he hands it out. The least thing you want to do is tramautize a child, there are enough problems we need to face. My best suggestion is make sure he learns to correct his mistake and that he take pride on it not because his parents told him but because he is a becoming a responsible young man. Sorry for the long post.

Post # 91
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Speaking as a teacher who has parents fighting their kids’ battles all too often- BRAVO TO YOU!! Kids are too used to their parents “fixing” things for them nowadays and they’re really lacking the skills they need to succeed in life. Your parenting method is totally appropriate and will no doubt teach your son a valuable lesson. HE will change his behavior in the future, and become more responsible, rather than messing up again and waiting for you to clean up the mess. Kudos!


ETA: I have no problems with parents being involoved with their children’s learning. I teach in a school where parents are very involoved and it’s wonderful. However, there need to be boundries and parents need to help their children learn the skills they will need later in life as adults to be responsible. 

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