(Closed) Am I being too harsh?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I Invite my mean and crazy Aunt?
    Invite her : (28 votes)
    27 %
    don't Invite her : (74 votes)
    73 %
  • Post # 3
    1481 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    I have multiple family members like this (and an aunt that’s the biggest offender, are we related? Lol) and I refuse to invite them to my wedding. I don’t spend time with them voluntarily or often – if at all – so why would I invite them to a day celebrating our love and life with all of our CLOSEST friends and family? I say ignore your family’s advice and don’t invite. Also, ask any and all family members to not disclose the date/location/time of your wedding to avoid her showing up and causing a scene.


    Post # 4
    7219 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @craftylish:  I voted don’t invite her. She sounds like a toxic peson.

    However… you started by saying you’re known to hold grudges and I wanted to warn you against that. My grandmother was a big grudge holder. She didn’t speak to her only sister for years. When her sister killed herself, she was devistated.

    This, apparently, didn’t stop her from getting into a small disagreement with her next door neighbor and letting it fester for years. The neighbor wasn’t any better. They didn’t speak for 10 years, living right next door to each other the whole time. My grandmother had a heart attack on the sidewalk outside their houses. When my uncle came back, after my grandmother passed away at the hospital, the neighbor’s daughter was on the front porch. She asked about grandma and when my uncle said she passed a loud, gut wretching wail came from inside the house. The neighbor told me years later that holding  on to that grudge was her biggest regret. 

    Post # 5
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Well, what does your family say? It will be easy for all of us to only hear this and say, “no.”

    Post # 6
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Screw that don’t invite her this is one day for you and FH no way would I want that ruined by inviting her if your family doesn’t like it tell them tough shit and to get over it its YOUR wedding day and you choose who it invite.

    Post # 7
    624 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I dont think you should be forced to invite her.  There will be drama if you do and drama if you dont, so I say DON’T, you have nothing to lose.  Also as far as holding grudges go, this isnt holding a grudge over a mistake she made once or twice, you say this is a constant thing with her, so you are not holding a grudge by not inviting her, you are avoiding the inevitable.


    Post # 8
    1478 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    uhhhh … while I do hear what PP is saying and in theory thats the right answers it may actually be less hassle to just go ahead and invite her and have someone keep an eye on her and keep her at arms length a bit. Think about it, your going to have to tell her shes not coming (I imagine shell think shes automatically invited), then get family members no to disclose the location (which, from their reaction, looks like this would be something difficult to do, you may get into fights with them about it and it may just slip anyway) then if she does turn up you have to deal with the drama of turning her away and lots of great big family arguments and rifts. 



    Post # 9
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee

    She’s toxic and I wouldn’t invite her. Does she have some kind of mental illness?  You mentioned something about medications so wondered if that is the reason she is like this.

    If for some reason you lose this battle I would have someone on call to keep her away from you so you don’t have to deal with her.

    Do you feel like you might not win this one for some reason?

    Post # 11
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @craftylish:  My family would say the same. 

    Post # 13
    565 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Pavilion at Rocky Neck State Park

    I say don’t invite her. I am not inviting 75% of my extended family because there is too much drama there and they have not had a positive impact on my life. Especially in the last 10 years.

    Post # 15
    581 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @leecy87:  +1


    I have to agree, plus if your whole family thinks she SHOULD be invited (inspite of her continued issues with all of them) then I would listen to that AND ask them to help keep her on her best behavior.


    Also, based on what you said it sounds to me (and I could be completely off base here and do not mean any offense)  that she might be suffering from some form of mental or emotional illness and might not truly understand how she’s impacting you. 

    ETA: Just read what you posted about the medication for cancer… she can’t control it and she went through something terrible… excluding her because of her health issues does not seem right to me, but getting someone in your family to accompany her through the evening would be a graceful way to make sure that when she (without realizing it) goes to far someone is there to mediate.


    Post # 16
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It’s your wedding and you and your husbands day. If you think that the family backlash will be too much, invite her and assign someone to be her babysitter and sit her where you wont have to interact much and if that’s not enough have someone escort her out when she starts to cut up. 

    Question though: since everyone in the family knows about her craziness, why wouldn’t they support you in excluding her? Is everyone afraid of her?

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