(Closed) Am I being too harsh???????!!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Yeah, but think like guys…. the longer it sits there untouched, the longer he can say “he’s working on it” LOL

Post # 4
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sounds like he’s making a very poor financial descision by holding on to this vehicle.  Does it even run and is it sellable?

THis sounds like more of a discrepancy in both of your money beliefs not about a bonding truck with his dad and him being happy.

Does he even have a ‘get out of debt’ plan?  I’d need to see him outline a plan and active a plan before I’d marry.  You need to know he can be responsible.

Post # 7
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Many girls feel the same way about their wedding dresses… they’ll never wear it again, but they can’t part with it.  

Post # 8
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There isn’t shame in having debt, especially regarding car or school loans.  As long as you both are keeping up with your loan repayments you should be ok financially.  Plus, these timely payments build you credit, so you’re more likely to get better interest rates on larger purchases, like future cars and a house.

He does need to stand up to his parents to start getting back the money they owe him.  But that is between him and them.

It might be wise for the two of you to visit a financial counselor to openly talk about your money issues and have a third party to help you to decide how to proceed.

Post # 10
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I feel for you being stressed out, and I’m sorry you’re going through that. 

But the way I feel about it is – it’s his car.  Guys get attached to things like that, for whatever reason.  It’s sometimes hard for us women to understand, but maybe in some way it’s sentimental to him (or he wants to bond with his dad, who knows?).  Either way, it is his, not yours.

Try to put yourself in his place – if you had a possession and for whatever reason you had for wanting to keep it, but he pressured you to sell it – how would that make you feel?  I know I personally wouldn’t want someone to do that to me.

I know debt can be overwhelming sometimes but to answer your question, yes, to me you are being too harsh.  Maybe the two of you can come up with a financial plan and leave the car out of the equation.  Just forget it’s even there, lol.  Good luck, I wish you all the best!

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I feel like this is a slippery slope. If you make him sell the car, he’s going to resent you for it. How do you know it will even get enough money to cover his debts if you say it doesn’t run? I wouldn’t push him on this. If he’s doing his best with what he has now and is paying down his debt little by little, then don’t push him on the car.

Post # 12
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@strangewaysherewecome:  It’s hard when both of you have such different thoughts on what is the ‘best’ way to dole out your finances.  I totally get your frustrations, but the car thing totally made me think of girls and their wedding dresses, lol.  I agree with the suggestion above for talking to a financial planner/counselor.  That way you both can be on the same page and make some compromises on what’s helping your credit (good debt) vs bad debt.

Post # 14
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MadameTussaud:  I think you nailed it.  When someone is non-rational about a posession, it’s usually because there’s something else going on.  Either the car means a great deal to him emotionally, or he’s hanging on to it for some other unconscious reason–it represents something to him.

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont think you should make him sell the car. You suggested it and I dont think you should push it. Technically if he does work on it more often, he will just be putting more money into it,  And whats the point of putting all that money in to fix it if he wont sell it.

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