Post # 1
I’m going to try and make this as brief as possible.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is my best friend of 20 years; we have been through school, the teenage years and our university days together. I was the Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding and for her bachelorette a group of about 8 girls went to her parents cottage/house and I planned three days of events, dinners, etc. Maid/Matron of Honor did not lift a finger. For her shower, I had it at my house, had it catered and paid attention to every detail and demand. Maid/Matron of Honor again, did not lift a finger.
I was okay with all of this because that is what the Maid/Matron of Honor DOES! On her wedding day, her father even said in the speech, “this wedding was planned entirely by Maid/Matron of Honor and “med700″,” and I loved every minute of it.
Maid/Matron of Honor had a baby in October and I am so happy for her, the baby is healthy and adorable. The issue is this: Maid/Matron of Honor hasn’t done a thing to plan the shower which is now being planned by my mom and another Bridesmaid or Best Man. This other Bridesmaid or Best Man has also reported to me that MOH’s plan for my Bachelorette is “a pool party for a couple of hours,” at MOH’s parent’s home. We are 30 years old so that’s a bit weird. Turns out, Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t want to leave her baby for the weekend if we did a weekend away (MOH is FULLY aware that ALL of us girls want her baby there and will all help out with the feedings – except for the breastfeeding because that is weird….) she would feel badly about leaving her baby. The b-rette is supposed to be at the end of August and the baby will be 10 months old and Maid/Matron of Honor will not allow her husband to stay with the baby for the weekend because she doesn’t trust him with the kid???
Maid/Matron of Honor is super emotional and today cried to me about how she feels bad that she can’t give me the weekend I gave her but she has responsibilities now and all the other BM’s better back off b/c she is the Maid/Matron of Honor
My question is this: should I smile and be gracious and allow the Maid/Matron of Honor to plan the B-rette/pool party or should I let the BM’s take over (like they want to) to plan a weekend away. I am a very low-key girl, I do not want to go to the bars and get drunk and stupid, I really just wanted a weekend away with my gf’s at a relaxing cottage.
Keep in Mind: My mom, aunt and Future Mother-In-Law want to come up for the weekend away but have all said that going to a pool party at MOH’s parents house is weird. I really want to have that weekend with my mom since we rarely are able to spend time together b/c my dad is sick.
Thank you for your thoughts, I am very torn!
Post # 3
Its your wedding, you should do what you want. However, I can see where your Maid/Matron of Honor is coming from. I think it would be difficult for me to leave my child for a weekend away as well (I don’t even like leaving my puppy) even though I know other people do it all the time. Different strokes for different folks.
Could you suggest other things other than a pool party for your bachelorette that are still in town so your Maid/Matron of Honor can participate? Could you do something as a group in your hometown to kick it off with Maid/Matron of Honor and then go out of town with the rest of your friends for the rest of the weekend? Thats what I would do since I tend to be a peacemaker.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you are in this situation. I would try to explain to Maid/Matron of Honor about your mom, Future Mother-In-Law and aunt wanting to come, and that they aren’t comfortable with a pool party. And remind her that the baby is a welcome addition to the festivities. Maye she’ll come around. Good Luck!
Post # 5
Can’t you do both? I would have the pool party that Maid/Matron of Honor is planning, but also explore doing a weekend away with the rest of the bridal party. I would definitely give Maid/Matron of Honor a head’s up first and find out her feelings though. Tell her you appreciate what she has planned and understand that she has other responsibilities as well, but you and the rest of the girls would also like to go away and you don’t want her to be upset or think that what she planned wasn’t good enough.
Post # 6
well if everyone else (including you) wants to have a weekend away, then do it! simple as that. when she’s like “i’m sorry i can’t give you the same type of weekend you gave me, blah blah blah..” then tell her “that’s totally okay, Bridesmaid or Best Man1, BM2 & Bridesmaid or Best Man3 came up with a great idea – we’re going to go to gvlkkjskfjglsfdlkgjsf GUSH GUSH GUSH! SO EXCITED!!!” if she sees how excited you are about it, she should acquiesce. if not, well… it’s not about her anyways.
Post # 7
I too, would let the BM’s take over and try to involved the Maid/Matron of Honor in some way. Would it be possible to have the weekend away and have activities on one of the days allow for the Maid/Matron of Honor just to come up for the day and be with all of you? I have no idea how far that would involve her traveling? I’m sure the older females (your mom, aunt, FMIL), would be happy to play with the baby during the day.
The other thing would be to go ahead and have the pool party, and then do the weekend away as well. I don’t think the Maid/Matron of Honor should expect you to give up what you wanted to do just because she has a baby – that shouldn’t alter your life. Allowances can certainly be made, but you should still get to have the party you wanted – since you did the same for her 🙂
Post # 8
I would ask your BMs to plan the bachelorette, but maybe start the weekend with dinner or whatever in town so Maid/Matron of Honor can do some of it, and then the rest of you continue on with the weekend. Best of both worlds, no one gets left out.
Post # 9
The way your wording this to me it doesn’t seem like you are upset that she won’t leve the baby but irritated that she won’t let anyone help her and that she gets upset when people try. Maybe just explain to her that the BMs aren’t trying to shove her out or take her place but they are trying to help with some of the burden since she has the baby to care for. Maybe let her plan something for a Friday during the day and you and the other girls go out for the weekend after her party. Just let her know that you still want her there for you on your day and that you appreciate all she can do and just that the BMs want to help her since she has a lot to worry about right now but they aren’t trying to take her place.
Post # 10
Thanks bees – getting up the nerve to tell her that we are also going to do something else will be difficult but possibly then she’ll jump on board (as she said her husband told her, “you really need to get out and do stuff!”)?