Post # 1
My wedding isn’t until October of this year, but I asked my bridesmaids pretty much as soon as I got engaged. I’ve got 5 bridesmaids. My best friend is my MOH and she lives in another province, so I expect her to not be as involved as I would like.
On the other hand I am feeling a little let down lately. Only two of my bridesmaids are local to me. The one I see daily as we commute to work together. The other disapeared for a solid 2 months and I randomly got a call from her telling me she was in the hospital. She has since been released, but insists on seeing me in person to tell me what is going on.
We’ve made plans to see each other at least 4 times and each time she has cancelled on me literally an hour before. I’m worried about her, and I’m concerned. I’ve told her this and she says everything is fine and we will see each other soon. the last time we spoke I said she could let me know when she is free to catch up. I work out of town and making plans and being cancelled on constantly is getting frustrating.
Another bridesmaid lives about 2 hours away. She is usually in my town the odd weekend as her famiy is from here. She has been in town since right before Christmas and is suppose to be leaving today or tomorrow. We had dinner plans for Monday night but they were postponed because she wasn’t feeling well. Pans prior to this were cancelled as well.
She still hasn’t rescheduled with me and isn’t responding to my text messages. I ‘ve only called once, and won’t again because I dont’ want to be a frigging pest.
I’m just frustrated because I feel like I have one bridesmaid that is involved in helping me come up with ideas, giving input, etc and the other ones can’t even be bothered to grab coffee with me.
I’m at the point where I’m beginning to think it’s me. I planned a girls night this month, and everyone (except my MOH) has said they will be here. I’m not really counting on it at this point though 🙁
Post # 3
@maniccupcake: That is very scary about your friend in the hospital. I hope she’s OK.
Some of my girls ask me what I’m up to or send me things they like/ ideas, but in general I’m planning this thing on my own/ with FI. I haven’t had any wedding meetups with my girls other than when MOH came dress shopping and venue hunting with us. But the day to day planning stuff is all on me. That’s just what I expect.
Post # 4
It’s not that i expect them to plan with or for me per say. It’s just at this point I can’t even rely on them to do regular girlfriend type stuff. It’s frustrating.
And I garee its scary about the hospital thing. She seems to be fine now from what I can tell from the times we have talked. I’m still not sure what happened.
I organized the girls night because not all of my bridesmaids know each other, and I just think it would be fun to hangout and everyone to meet. I doubt there will be any wedding stuff going on.
Post # 5
Sorry for all that you’re going through. It could just be that you’re in wedding mode, and the rest of your girls are preoccupied & aren’t fully getting the importance of what you’re trying to arrange. Have your girls been married already? I’m recently engaged and am SERIOUSLY finding out what goes into a wedding, and how it kind of takes over your mind 24/7 – whereas your friends may just be waiting for your cue for the festivities to begin. It’s hard for those outside of “the bubble” to understand what’s going on.
I hope things get better – I’m sure things will pick up. Try sending out a group message that clearly states your intent: “Hey girls, I’ve tried doing this before but it would really mean the world to me if we could all meet up for the day and get to know eachother better as we get closer to the wedding date, planning, etc.”
Post # 6
@maniccupcake: You should call that friend again! You aren’t being a pest if she only has a limited amount of time left in town and may not be getting your texts.
Cancelling is something that really bugs me and wedding related or not repeated cancelling in unacceptable unless they have family emergencies. I would hold out until this girls night to see how things go. Next time any of them cancel on you, you should try to be as firm as you can that you are getting frustrated and will stop making plans if they are only going to cancel on you.
If the same people end up cancelling on you I would confront them about it and just let them know how frustrated you are about it.
I had a spurt where everyone seemed to be cancelling on my for anything! I became extremely frustrated and broke down a couple of times because I would put a lot of energy into making these plans and clear my schedule to only be left with no plans and no one. It only changed when I began confronting them and made it clear when they made plans with me that I was fed up with cancelling.
Post # 7
I think it’s understandable that you would be frustrated about plans constantly being cancelled. I would say that for your friend who was in the hospital, it sounds like she’s been going through a rough time on her own, and just isn’t ready to open up about it. She might be facing a lot of anxiety around opening up about what happened, especially if it was something emotional, and that might be why she’s cancelling out on you last minute. If you really want to see her, maybe send her a message letting her know that you would love to see her, and if she doesn’t want to talk about it, she doesn’t have to. You would just love to see your friend and hang out, and she can open up about what happened when she feels ready to. It might make her feel more comfortable to know that she doesn’t have to talk about it if she’s not ready, and she might be more willing to actually follow through with meeting up.
I’m not a bridesmaid, but I’m helping my friend plan her wedding. She sends out the details of the wedding via group e-mail and we give suggestions and feedback via e-mail. This is also because most of us live on the east coast, and she lives on the west coast. We also talk/plan via vid chat. Perhaps you could treat it for the time being as mostly everyone being long distance and send out some group e-mails and schedule vidchat dates with your friends? Whatever they’re going through on their own, maybe they’ll feel like vidchatting might be more manageable for them? You could even do group vidchat ^_^