That doesn’t seem terribly unreasonable, as far as expectations go. The one thing I’d wonder about is if she’s PAYING for your professional hair and makeup? If she is, do it how she wants, and let her pay for it. It’s her pictures, her day, her money, just do it. Would it really kill you for one day?
My wedding wasn’t until 3:30 and my girls all showed up around 9:30. It really DOES take that long to get EVERYONE’S hair done, and EVERYONE’S makeup done, especially if your girls have long hair. It’s a long time to sit around, sure, but you can chat and watch YouTube on your phone and if you’re smart, you’ll bring a bottle of champagne and some OJ and donuts and have a nice breakfast with mimosas to relax her and show you care. One of my friends (who got ready with us but wasn’t in the bridal party) did this, and she was like the goddess of the morning.
So don’t stay at a hotel, that’s fine. As far as meetings, can’t she just do a group chat on FB? Does she have all her stuff written down? Why not help her get a checklist together – I did a checklist and it saved my ass.
Setup is unrealistic, as you’re going to be in your nice clothes with your nice hair and nice makeup and nice shoes, and you’ll be with her until you leave the hotel for the venue, so that’s stupid. Either her venue should be setting up, or she should be getting the groomsmen and family to do it (in our case, the groomsmen, Darling Husband, his parents, my aunts, and one of my close friends who made herself my day of coordinator did ours, along with my caterer). Breakdown, though, everyone helped with. Including the bridesmaids. But it barely took any time at all, because EVERYONE helped and it was expedient.
How much is the party bus? Plus the dinner and club? I’d be a little miffed about that too if I couldn’t afford it, and I’d try to see if she could get a compromise, especially if all the other bridesmaids also don’t want to spend the money for that. Maybe go to dinner and the club and omit the bus? Or figure out something else that isn’t quite as expensive? I didn’t even GET a bachelorette party because I had a poopy MoH, lol, but I would have worked within everyone’s means if I had. For the booze, why can’t the other BMs chip in? So everyone does the cost evenly?
I think you’re being a bit oversensitive and silly on some things, and so is she, but on others you’re okay to be miffed. It’s about compromise and communication. You don’t need to be difficult about when she wants you there the day of or who is doing whose hair – the only way you get to have a say in that is if you’re paying for it.