(Closed) Am I being totally irrational?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@kate.barrick: You only talk once a week??? That to me is a bigger red flag…I understand you are long distance but talking once a week seems like a recipe for the relationship to break down. I honestly think more contact and communication would help you feel less overwhelmed and rejuvenate your interest in planning. 

Post # 4
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MsNarwhal: Agreed.

I don’t think it’s irritational.  You seem to have everything on your shoulders, but no help or communication with anyone.  You need to have a serious talk with Fiance about how you’re feeling. There is no other way for you two to communicate?  How much longer will he be out there?  That’s quite the commitment.

I wish you the best of luck in the end!

Post # 5
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MsNarwhal: Fiance and I live an hour and a half apart and we only talk maybe once a week, we text each other occasionally too though. Sometimes schedules just don’t work but that doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t working.

 

@kate.barrick: When you do get to talk to him next, can you tell him how you’re feeling? Ask for his input on maybe just a couple small things? Also, groups like the Bee here are great for ideas and venting when your friends are sick of hearing about the wedding. I don’t have a child but I’m a student so I know you must be extra stressed. Maybe try to cut back on some DIY details so you’re not so overwhelmed- people won’t remember the little things. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@galloway111: In this situation it clearly isn’t working. It can work (obviously) for some couples but OP is feeling lonely and like she has no one to talk to. Suggesting more communication (i think) would definitely help her in this situation. 

Post # 7
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MsNarwhal: I agree more and/or better communication sounds like it would be helpful in this case, but I feel like your post implies that talking once a week is a recipe for disaster and a red flag for anyone, by your wording. Sorry if I misinterpreted.

Post # 8
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it depends on the man. Overall, I think the woman plans more because they care more. They have been dreaming and thinking about their wedding much longer than the man usually even thinks about marriage. My Fiance never considered or thought he would get married until he met me. I don’t think guys are programed like us to be in constant planning mode where we eat, sleep and drink wedding, but I think if you were to give your Fiance an option like say, which of these three centerpieces do you like the most…it is easier then just saying…what do you want for a centerpiece? I always pick my top 3 favorite things, centerpieces for example, and ask my Fiance to choose. This way he has input and he also feels like he’s helping out. 

Post # 10
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@kate.barrick: I still dont understand why you two cant talk more often? Does he not have phone service where he’s traveling?

Honestly, if this was me, I would either push the wedding back so he could help me. Or I would plan just a small dinner with just family and not a huge bash.

Post # 11
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kate.barrick:

Hmm… if he’s the one who wanted a wedding, he should be involved.  I don’t think you’re being irrational.  A wedding isn’t something you should plan alone.

Post # 12
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I honestly couldn’t handle the talking once a week thing, but that’s me.

No, you’re not being irrational in how you feel.  You’re swamped and reasonably frustrated.  I really feel that your Fiance needs to step up his game.  If he really wants this wedding, he needs to be finding a way to communicate with you regularly and get involved.  Just because he’s far away doesn’t mean he can’t offer opinions and suggestions.

Post # 13
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

So he wanted the wedding but has no opinions on things and you’re the one who’s left planning and making everything while also taking classes and being a single mom, not to mention paying for everything yourself and only talking to him once a week? Sure he’s picking up his life and moving here, but it seems like you’re doing too much.

I agree with @Bostongrl25: that maybe you should push back the wedding. It all seems pretty stressful right now and no matter how much he claims to not have an opinion on things, when he’s here and you’re talking on a regular basis and he can actually help you with things, I bet he’ll have much more of an opinion.

Also, why exactly are you paying for the whole wedding? He’s paying you back for everything? What’s the story here?

Post # 15
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My husband really got me sad that he didn’t want to be more involved.  One day he said “I am not a girl”.  It’s hard cuz you want your Fiance to be involved, but most men seem to just want to show up and marry you 😀  It will all be worth it!  Don’t worry.  Good luck to you.

Post # 16
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sounds like you are feeling the stress of a lot of things and just getting really overwhelmed and maybe it came across as a relationship situation when really you just needed to unload some feelings.  After reading your responses above, it sounds like you’re positive that you want to marry this person, and that’s what’s important.  An LDR can be so, so hard–hang in there, it’s just a little longer!

Consider cutting your wedding down to the basics–what are the most important things to you, and what can be considered “extra?”  As a wedding guest, I always notice the music, food/drink, and the overall vibe of the guests…if everyone’s havng a good time, it’s going to be a great wedding!  Those details are icing on top, but probably not worth the stress at this point.  Good luck to you!

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