- 1 year ago
- Wedding: April 2019
Hey all, I get that wedding planning is the responsibility of the couple (and hey in earlier decades and in other cultures, families plan weddings – do you really think in a big three day Indian wedding that only the bride and groom are planning that big shindig?) But here is the thing: I would have eloped or done a Justice of the Peace thing. My fiance wanted a church wedding. My parents wanted relatives there – in fact my dad was pushing for extended family to be there. My bridesmaids’ main concern was not spending money. I feel like I’ve been running around fulfilling everyone’s desires and expectations, and keeping in budget which was really important to my fiance. As far as throwing my own shower, honestly I was not being greedy: my maid of honor had a super busy month with school and I was so worried about burdening her with this I told her not to worry about it, that I could arrange it – I didn’t mean to not follow etiquette because honestly I was not thinking of it, I was just worried about her feeling she had to add this to her busy schedule. For two of my bridesmaids, years ago I was very involved with their wedding planning (I lived with them so I could help a lot) I understand that it is different now as we don’t live together so I get it, but I’m still a little sad that one bridesmaid literally will not be at anything but the wedding, not even the rehearsal and we have know each other since we were two and she is only an hour away. I’ve helped a LOT with many other people’s weddings, I’ve been a bridesmaid several times, I’ve seen others brides who have a lot of people step forward and cheerfully assist with their weddings. I don’t expect this with mine but I do struggle with some feelings of resentfulness. I feel like I am ALWAYS the person in charge, the planner, the doer, the one who is expected to inconvenience herself for others. People on this thread are telling me I should have insisted my fiance help more but again, that puts more burden on me – that I am also supposed to train my fiance how to be a party planner when that is not his gifting. I just feel like I can’t win no matter what: I’m supposed to fulfll a vision that is not mine without asking for help or inconveniencing others in any way. And not whine about it.