(Closed) Am I being unreasonable?

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
3252 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Thats a tough call. Did you honestly consider everyones financial situations?

Post # 4
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I honestly don’t think a bachelorette in Vegas is unreasonable. It is one of the few places which always seems to have flight deals and inexpensive rooms.

Can I ask where your Maid/Matron of Honor lives that she thinks is a good alternative?

Post # 6
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I mean, for my ladies, this would be unreasonable.  It’s not only the cost of the flight/hotel, but then it’s the cost of going out in Vegas, which is more expensive than most places.  And since you’re probably not going to be there for only one night, it’s hotel, meals, drinks, entertainment, etc. for a whole weekend, not just one night.

Not putting down your idea (I wish I could have my bachelorette in Vegas) but there are expenses that you may not be considering.

Post # 7
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

How long did you give them notice to save?  Do you think your Maid/Matron of Honor has something against Vegas? Does she not like gambling, maybe she thinks its going to be a booze weekend?  Some people still have taboo ideas about Vegas.  Do they have to travel to go to the wedding too? Does she have kids & a family and can’t take that much time away from them?  Maybe traveling twice in a short period of time is alot for her?

Do the other girls have any issues with it? Or just her?  I would go with majority rules. If the other girls can’t go, then I would scrap it and look at alternatives.  If its just your Maid/Matron of Honor, then I would just go without her. Sucks, but you have other girls to have fun with.  You can print out a picture of her and hold it up in group photos & etc.

 

Post # 8
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I guess I fail to see how the Finger Lakes are much less expensive. That’s a long drive from Cleveland, and pretty much everyone but the girl in Pitt will have to fly as well.

As I said, if everyone is going to travel, Vegas is a good option.

Another idea, have you thought about Chicago? No gambling, but there are fun hotels, nightclubs, and shows. The Cleveland girl can still drive, about the same distance, and it has a more urban feel.

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I was just in a similiar situation in my last wedding I was the Maid/Matron of Honor.  The bride wanted to go somewhere for the Bachelorette Party and when I ran the numbers it was going to be around 1,000/person to go to Vegas and I was including flights, hotels, food, drinks and one show.  That in my opinion is way too much money to ask anyone to pay for.  I also ran the numbers to go to New Orleans, NYC, Austin and a few other places.  They all were around 800-2000/person.

Now having said that. If you and your mom’s friends wanted to go to Vegas for her 60th then I say go and invite your friends to come along if they want.  You can celebrate informally with those that can make it.  But then have one that your Maid/Matron of Honor and other BMs are hosting.  You have to remember that this is a party being thrown for you and therefore whatever the people hosting it decide to do is up to them.

Also keep in mind that if they all live out of town they’ll have the cost of travel, hotel etc. the weekend of the wedding on top of your dress, shoes, hair and nails.

Post # 10
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If you really want to have your bachelorette in Vegas, would it be an option for you to cover say the cost of the hotel and then the gals cover their flights and you cocktails for the weekend? It is a lot to ask of bridesmaids, but perhaps if you give a little to, everyone will be comfortable and you will get the bachelorette you are dreaming of.

Post # 11
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Honestly, I don’t think you’re unreasonable. It’s your party!

But, with that being said, I would suggest you invite everyone along, and those that can make it will. Before you do all of that, research prices for everyone too and be sure to suggest ways to save in Vegas.  Be prepared for some not to show up, and also suggest another party elsewhere, since everyone will have to travel.

Post # 12
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I think that for a wedding where everyone will have to travel a bachelorette right before the wedding makes the most sense because a lot of people are not going to be able to make two expensive trips for one person’s wedding.  However I think having two parties is completely acceptable as long as you don’t make the girls who can’t attend Vegas feel bad.

Post # 14
Bee
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Family Lake House

I KINDA went thru a similar situation. I suggested Vegas, but also said I was open to LA, S.F. or Santa Barbara area. My girls are all up and down the state, and one in Chicago. Maid/Matron of Honor said very sorry, couldn’t swing Vegas. I pointed out, hey, you can get rooms if you reserve early for like $50 a night. And drinks are free in Vegas if you sit at a slot machine and gamble, even if it’s just the penny machine, those waitresses will keep ’em coming so long as you tip them! 😉 I live four hours from Vegas, so it’s convenient for me. I also pointed out, “why are you willing to go to Laguna, which is roughly the same distance for you, but not wiling to go to Vegas?” And she said it was a longer drive/flight, and at that point I was like “eh, ok,” and dropped Vegas and now have settled on Santa Barbara. And you know what? I’m totally stoked for it. Like you, I never really “got” why someone would be so adament against Vegas over other places. I’ve been lots of times and there are plenty of ways to do it on the cheap. I’ve even done bachelorette parties where you MAKE money, cuz guys’ll buy you drinks and even give you cash if you play one of those bachelorette games that asks for $5 donations to the “drink fund”! Totally fun and awesome! I tried pointing that out to her, too, but no cigar. So I just decided, welps, she’s dead set against it for some reason, and I’m not gonna fight it. Turns out now that Santa Barbara is picked, she and my ‘maids are planning a wonderful day of wine tasting, horseback riding, followed by a nice dinner and dancing in dt Santa Barbara. I dunno if my story helps you at all, but I feel your pain and hear ya! Maybe if you lay it out cost-wise to show how it’s actually affordable, she’ll hear ya and change her mind…I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

Post # 15
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think there’s a single standard for “reasonable” or “unreasonable” in this situation.  Whether or not Vegas is reasonable depends on 1) the individual situations involved and 2) whether you EXPECT them participate or HOPE they can participate.  If you & some fam/friends are for sure going to do Vegas, and you send an invite to the whole wedding party — letting them know you understand if they can’t make it — then it’s fine.  Or, if you expect everyone to be there, and everyone can afford it & is down, then it’s fine.  I think it’s not ok to expect people who can’t afford it to somehow make it happen just becase it’s your wedding. 

My Boyfriend or Best Friend got married last year & I was Maid/Matron of Honor.  There is no way I could afford Vegas, and the costs associated with her wedding were minimal.  If she had her bach party there I wouldn’t be mad, as long as she wasn’t mad that I didn’t join her. 

Post # 16
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

For me, I don’t knwo if I’d be able to go.  They’d be paying flight/hotel for vegas + food, expenses.  Then they’ll be paying it all over again for your wedding.  Could they come in earlier for the wedding and you guys do your party the weekend before?

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