(Closed) Am I being unreasonable?

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll:
    Yes. : (2 votes)
    4 %
    No : (46 votes)
    94 %
    other : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1735 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I thought the norm was to have the wedding in the brides hometown.  Does he realise someones family is going to have to travel for the wedding?  

    Post # 4
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @LadyPeace:  I think he should have thought of all this before agreeing to put a deposit down. I suggest two things:

    1) Have an engagement party close to his hometown so that folks that may not be able to travel for the wedding itself can at least celebrate with you in this manner. I grew up in New York but had my wedding in California, where I live now and where my husband is from, and we had an engagement party in NY for my family. It was a decent compromise, and a good portion of the family also came out to California for the wedding itself.

    2) Make the trip for the wedding all the more attractive. People might take advantage of the opportunity to not only be there for your special day, but also to make more of a well-rounded vacation out of it for themselves. Those that have never been to Florida might like to visit A, B, and C. Make a brochure of local attractions for your guests’ convenience and send it with your invitations. We had guests from NY travel for our wedding and spend an extra day or two to go see the redwoods, the Pacific coast, and enjoy wine tasting here in wine country. It *can* work out well. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If his family isn’t inconvenienced then yours will be. Does he understand that? Unfortunately, these are the issues you run into when families live far away from each other. There’s no way to make everyone happy so I think the fact that your parents are paying for the wedding should trump his family not wanting to travel. You’re not forcing these people to attend your wedding, you’re just inviting them to. If you really do all that you can to make their trip as inexpensive as possible (which you already seem to be doing), then they just need to suck it up or not attend. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    5657 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    My Darling Husband and I had this problem a bit, but luckily the distance between our two families was much smaller (6 hour drive between Toronto and Montreal). We ended up having our wedding near Montreal, even though a big chunk of our guests were from Ontario. My Darling Husband was disappinted that some people couldn’t make it, but everyone who really mattered to us was there.

    If your Fiance was so concerned about this, he should have spoke up before you put a down payment on the venue. I don’t think he’ll need to worry much, I’m sure all his nearest and dearest will find a way to be there. I also think since your parents are paying for the wedding, they should be catered to a bit more.

    One of the PPs tips of making the trip feel as awesome, easy and comfortable as possible is also a good idea. We set up a website that had information about sights to see, things to do, events going on and restaurants for our travelling guests, and we made it simple to find directions, maps, travel information, ect.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    If he’d come up with these concerns before putting down a deposit, maybe you could have discussed it with some family members to see of they could make it. Now, I’d just tell him he is too late because you can’t lose your moms deposit. Anyway, its only normal for the wedding to be closer to the family that’s paying for it. If you had it near his family, yours would still have to travel so there really isnt a win win solution. Also, Florida is popular vacation destination, so his family may enjoy the trip and a lot of airlines run sales on flights to Florida, so the flight would be cheaper.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    If you were to have it be in Canada then your family would have to travel so either way a side is going to have to travel. Also, since you live there his family gets the opportunity to spend more time with the both of you. Therefore I think you should get to have the wedding at your home!

    Post # 10
    Member
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Someone would have to travel… Is Florida the location where the LEAST amount of people have to travel? That’s how I’d pick it. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    If your family is paying for the wedding, then his should be able to pay for travel. You shouldn’t expect your family to pay for the wedding and travel.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7408 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Well…. someone is going to have to travel.  If your mom is paying, I think she might get the privilage of having it in her home town.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Honestly?  *HE’S* being unreasonable.  The time to object was before you decided *together* on this venue and put the money down.  I also agree with pp’s in that your family is paying and they shouldn’t have to pay for travel on top of that.

    My husband and I also dealt with immigration issues and also had 2 ceremonies.  My husbands family is 6000 miles away from where we got married, so what we did was have an engagement party/pre-wedding reception where we could spend some time with the family and friends that we knew would be unlikely to travel for our wedding.  As it turns out, we still had 12 people travel from the Netherlands to California!

    One family or the other is going to have to travel and in this case, I think the one paying for it should get the bigger consideration by not making them pay for travel as well.

    Post # 14
    Member
    17 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I agree with what everyone else’s is saying that if his family doesn’t travel then it’ll end up being yours. Especially that your mom is paying for the wedding, I think it definitely should be in your hometown and I don’t think you should have to lose your deposit. 

    Besides your wedding is in October and the weather in Canada isn’t exactly nice outside that time of year. The weather will be much better in Florida and would make for a better vacation then Canada.

    If the budget allows, you can have reception in Canada afterwards. It doesn’t need to be a sit down meal or anything like that. Receptions I’ve been to for destination weddings at home have been at cheaper rental facilities and food was just sandwiches, fruit and veggie platters.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree that your family shouldn’t have to travel, especially since they are footing the bill. But you can always tell you Fiance that after the wedding and honeymoon that you guys can host a second reception so his family can celebrate if they couldnt’ attend the “real” wedding. That is what my Fiance and I are doing for his family. Many are excited. We are also having our weding filmed and then show it at our second reception in FI’s home town.

     

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