(Closed) Am i being unreasonable

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your feelings aren’t unreasonable. 

Your ultimatums towards your SO are. 

Post # 4
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Although you feel this way I think you can trust him to go. If he was doing something behind your back there would of been an argument over the party and he was quite happy to stay home.

I think he should ask his mates why your not allowed to attend especially when other girls will be there. Maybe you could try come to an agreement of both going then you all get what you want. 

Post # 5
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@miss-stacie-2013:  This.

I think he needs to talk to his friends to see why you can’t go with him.

Post # 6
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

It’s a GIRL’s party, but no girlfriends/wives are allowed to come?

That’s sketchy as hell. If it were just an all male thing, that’s one thing… but no way should he go if his friends are planning something that clearly their female SO’s wouldn’t approve of. Even without the background, that’s awful. You’re totally in the right for feeling as if he shouldn’t go and I’m glad your SO is awesome enough to not care about going. But instead of ultimatums, which never go well, find out why you’re not allowed to go. 

 

Post # 7
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. “Banning” your SO from doing something is ridiculous as he is an adult and you are not his mother. If DH tried to ban me from doing something, I would probably just laugh at him, he would do the same to me. It’s one thing to explain to him why it makes you feel uncomfortable, have a rational discussion, and come to a mutual agreement. It’s completely different to just give him an ultimatum.

Post # 8
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you are right, I would have said the same thing.

Post # 9
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

He is not a child and you are not his mom. You just can’t say “you can’t go, because I feel insecure/trust this girl…” Relationships don’t work that way. What you’re basically saying is that you don’t trust HIM. Who cares about the girl? She is not your concern, your SO is, and will always be your first concern. Nothing is going happen between these two if your SO loves you and you trust him. She can flirt all she wants and have her hands all over him… but in the end – he will not do anything if he truly loves you.

But what I don’t like about this party is that it’s a “secret”. And to keep it a secret from the partners. That’s what’s wrong with this party!

Post # 10
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It’s highly suspicious that there will be other women at this party, but the SOs of the guys are not invited.  What kind of jackass friends does he have?

Normally, I would say the ultimatum is out of line, but in this case, you gotta do what ya gotta do.  Because the alternative is your SO lying and doing sleazy shit behind your back.

Post # 12
Member
13 posts
Newbee

@ChocolateLime:  Communication is key in a situation like this. You’re feelings aren’t unreasonable, but it might be the way that you are communicating yourself that might become the issue in the future. By demanding that your SO not do something/go somewhere/hang out with certian people, you are not only displaying “ownership” and dominance, but you’re also sending the message that you dont trust him to make his own – correct – decisions. This might strain your relationship in the future. I suggest that, instead of demanding that he not do something, communicate your feelings on the matter and let him make the decision. Your feelings might get hurt, yes, but relationships are learning experiences – if you step up as the “owner” of him, he might start to feel the need to “get out of it” so he can make his own decicsions.

Good Luck!  

Post # 14
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@ChocolateLime:   i blame pregnancy hormones!!!

Yeah, hormones! LOL – yes, I get you now, I understand your post. And I am glad that it was HE who decided not to go, I just wish he can explain to his mates that a secret birthday party with other girls without their partners is not a good thing…

Post # 16
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My fiance won’t attend any event to which I’m not invited. He was the only person to bring a date to his school reunion (informal, at someone’s house). I was mildly embarrassed, as I didn’t know anyone and they’d all been friends since kindergarten, but upon leaving my fiance said “I can’t believe no one else brought a girlfriend/boyfriend. Even the married people didn’t bring spouses! How sad…” I wouldn’t have been offended if he’d left me home, hell, I may have even preferred it initally, but I’m happy that he’s proud of me and wants to spend as much time with me as possible.

 

Sooo I guess my question is- why can’t you go, and why does he want to go to this thing without you? Also, why was he dishonest about having dated this girl? Chances are nothing has happened with her or will happen with her, but I hate secrecy and exclusion- they have no place in a romantic relationship.

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