(Closed) Am I being unreasonable?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just let the kid come.  Ask that the baby be removed if he/she starts to fuss.  That’s the deal. Then you can see your friends.  I don’t understand why babies are considered so awful…they may cry a bit but honestly?  Just ask that the mom remove the kid.  

Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think that you’re being unreasonable at all. And it sounds like, from the other things you’ve told us your Darling Husband said, that this friendship was eventually going to fizzle anyways. This is not your fault – it was your decision as a couple to not invite babies, which is totally reasonable. it’s your wedding, and the two of you want a formal NYE affair without babies present. That is totally your choice and I think it’s shitty his friend is acting this way about it, although not surprising if they get angry and don’t attend any event kids aren’t invited to. Juat be there for your Fiance – I wouldn’t push him to discuss it if he doesn’t want to, but when he does just listen and by sympathetic.

Post # 5
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would just suck it up and let them bring the kid. This is your FI’s best friend.

Post # 6
Member
1814 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

Would they be okay with an on-site babysitter during the ceremony? Just hire someone to watch the baby in another room away from the ceremony for the ~half hour, and then the baby can come to dinner/reception afterward, when silence isn’t as mandatory.

Post # 7
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s important to consider…is sticking to your “no kids” policy more important than your friendship?

Only you and your Fiance can answer this. Really you should let your Fiance make the final decision, because it sounds like this guy is his close friend. Having a baby at the wedding isn’t the end of the world and most parents are good about removing them if they start to cause problems. Also, since the baby is so young, there may be real practical reasons they need to bring it along (like breastfeeding).

Post # 8
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@peachacid:  

+1

If it means that much to your Fiance that his friend is there, just let them bring the baby. Have the ushers seat the mom near an exit for the ceremony and let her know that if the baby cries there are seats in the vestibule or whatever.

Realistically, you aren’t even going to notice the tiny kid. Babies that little are usually more squeakers than screamers anyway.

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I honestly think you were unreasonable to even request they leave the one child at home , but were willing to include the older child. The was very tacky. You need to fix this, before any permananet damage is done to your FI’s relationship with this man. Your Fiance obviously is close enough to him to have asked him to be the best man! You need to stop being petty, and just invite BOTH children, the wedding party should always be included if you are already making exceptions to your own rules. 

 

Post # 10
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. I think we see things differently and that’s okay, but here’s my two cents since you’re asking:

Can someone, the mom maybe, stay with the infant in a different room during the ceremony?  That way the baby won’t potentially cry during the ceremony but you aren’t excluding them. But I do think they should all be welcome, as a family, to the reception.  Of course you are allowed to have a no kids wedding, but it does create problems for those people and it shouldn’t surprise you that it does.

Post # 11
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Are you being unreasonsable?! No, I do not think so.  You are allowed to make the decisions on the guest list as you see fit.  The fact is that you made an exception by realizing that inviting his 11-year old was a way to compromise with the fact that he would have a child there.  And you made that exception because it is a ‘no kids’ wedding.  It is not like you are inviting every kid you know except his 2-month old!!

I would hope he would be able to see the situation as it is, let it go, and your FI’s best man, instead of being angry and NOT attending anything at all!  In the end, if he cannot get passed it, it is kind of him – not you guys.  In the meantime, I would push your Fiance to TRY to communicate to him one more time.  To try to get him to understand where you are coming from, and to try to make him understand that his presence is extremely important to you both.

If he still does not come around, then at least you tried.  Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

You made a decision about what type of even you wanted and that is fine. He made a decision about what kind of parent he wants to be and that is fine too. There is no problem with someone declining an invitation to a child free event, especially on NYE when a babysitter (if they would even be willing to leave a 2 MONTH old) would be really hard to come by. It would be rude to no show or show up with an uninvited child, but declining ahead of time is not an issue.

Post # 13
Member
9732 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@peachacid:  Agreed.

If it means so much to you and your Fiance for them to be at your wedding then allow the baby, too.  A two month old will probably sleep the whole time anyway or they can arrange on-site child care.  You can work this out for everyone to be happy, it’s called compromise.

Post # 15
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Razzmatazz:  Great! If that’s the only concern, then somone to watch the child during the ceremony is hopefuly an easy fix to the situation!

Post # 16
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You’re entitled to have a child-free wedding, but part of that is being understanding when you’re friends can’t make it.  I think it’s hard for a lot of parents to live their newborns behind, especially when they are so young.  It’s understandable that you’re disappointed, but you are going to need to let it go or make accommodations for them to bring their baby.

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