(Closed) Am I being unreasonable?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

being long distance is hard. But, just because they can’t be there to meet up for lunch and what not doesn’t mean they aren’t there for you.

most of my Bridesmaid or Best Man are several states away. unfortunatly we don’t have the same Bridesmaid or Best Man relationship that many other people do – but we figure it out. I send a lot of emails. they are very responsive. do I wish they could go visit venues with me? and help taste cakes? of course! but, they can’t being so far away. wish we could talk on the phone more but time differences and different working schedules makes it hard.  email is our best communication. they always offer opinions when I ask and send suggestions when they are bored.

 

i think you just need to realize that its not the ideal situation that they have moved. but you are still good friends and when they are back in town for the wedding it will feel like nothing has changed.  

Post # 4
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Is support too much to ask for?  No.  But, being last in line (or later), dealing with friends other expectations and responsibilities can put a crimp on what they can do for yur wedding.  They are only expected to show up in a dress on your wedding day – showers and help before hand is not an expectation, just a plus.

Post # 5
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I mean, the thing is, they have their own lives which take precedence over your wedding. I’m sure they will be there for you, but you might have to do the majority of the leg work on your own – which should be expected, IMO, because it’s your wedding and nobody’s going to care as much about it as you do.

I think it would be a huge blow to your relationship if you asked any of them to step down, especially the one who moved away – she’s in a new state, adjusting to a new life, and probably has a million things going on. She says she’s going to be there for you, and I’m sure she means it. But being so far away might mean that being there for you means support in the days leading up to and the day of. This goes double for the girl in med school across the country!

When I was in college, I was asked to be my friend’s bridesmaid. I was struggling to keep up with school and rectify a bad semester, and I had almost no money AND lived several states away. I couldn’t be involved with most of the planning, but my friend was so understanding and was thankful and happy that I helped during the 5 days I was there for her wedding and stood beside her. That’s what matters in the end 🙂

Post # 6
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Don’t sweat it too much, they might even be able to come in to town a day or two early to help you with day-of preparations. Between now and then do you have any immediate family like your mother, grandmother or aunts who would be able to spare some time to help with the invitations? That’s the only thing i can think of that might be cumbersome to do on your own. I think as long as you give them any dates for showers or bachelorette parties well in advance they will come through for you. And if they can’t do it don’t let it irritate you, they will probably do the best they can.

Post # 7
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You are just going to have to deal with it like I am. I have 75 days left The only two attendants I have are FI’s sister who is my Maid/Matron of Honor and his niece she is a jr. bridesmaid. They live in the same town and haven’t lifted a finger or even cared. They won’t be coming to my shower which is beging given by someone else. I found out yesterday they won’t be attending the bridesmaid tea which I already paid for, and they won’t be there for pictures ( we are taking all pictures first). They aren’t coming to the rehearsal and will be leaving the wedding right after the ceremony as FI’s niece who is 8 has a softball game. So, while I completely understand how you feel, just focus on you & your Fiance. I just wish I had asked my mom to be  my Maid/Matron of Honor. Your day will be great no matter what.

Post # 8
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can understand why you may be concerned but it doesn’t sound like you have asked them to do anything yet that they have not been able to do.  Just be considerate of what you ask them to do and give them an opportunity to do it.  Don’t worry to much about what might happen since these are your friends they will try to come through for you.

 

Again, I do understand the concern.  However, you should give your friends the benefit of the doubt.

Post # 12
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had only 1 Maid/Matron of Honor.  and it was my sister.  I live in Ontario and she lives in Wisconsin.  Needless to say she was unable to throw me a bridal shower or bachlorette.  I unforutnately went without a bridal shower all together.  But some friends from school through me a bachlorette.  A very small one out of her home and I was very grateful for it.

You don’t have to rely on just those 3 to do everything.  You can talk to other friends and family about throwing yourself a bridal shower/bachlorette.  it doesn’t have to be anything too fancy and really it doesn’t take that much effort.

Also.  I don’t know what you are expecting your bridesmaids to do for the next 2 months because (I had a small backyard wedding) to the best of my knowledge it is more the brides job anyway.  Furthermore, if you do need help then I am pretty sure that you can talk to family and other friends.

 

Post # 13
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@future.mrs.c:  Yeah sorry but you sound it.  Your best friend “decides to move across country for med school”?! Seriously…she should postpone med school for your wedding?!  Wow…

You and your Fiance are the only one’s responsible for getting shit done in the next 80 days for your wedding.  Any extra help you get from BMs is an awesome gift

My BMs are scattered across the country, some I talk to daily, others I’ve talked to a handful of times since I’ve got engaged. I wouldn’t ask them to step down because of it – thye have lives outside of my wedding (just like i have a life outside of my other friends’ weddings). All I expect is they buy a dress and show up at the wedding.

 

Post # 14
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@future.mrs.c:  Mmm…yeah. You sound personally affronted that your BMs have lives in other parts of the country. You could skype them and if you feel like they’re not being there for you just tell them. You have to remember though that your wedding does not come first in their lives so it’s unfair to expect it to be their no 1 priority when making life decisions. 

Post # 15
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@future.mrs.c:  They can still support you being far away. I didn’t have any bridesmaids OR family even live in the same state as me. And we had a very heavy DIY wedding. I got by just fine and the girls still threw me a beautiful shower and bachelorette party.

Post # 16
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yes, you’re being unrealistic.  What on earth do you need bridesmaids for 2 months before the wedding??  You should be thrilled if they show up on the wedding day wearing a dress.

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