(Closed) Am I being unreasonable?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I’d have your bf talk to her and tell her you two are a social unit. I am pretty even keeled and NOT into drama, but I’d be pissed!

Post # 4
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

There have been a lot of these threads coming up lately, and I feel very strongly about how extending invites to guests’ SOs should be.

No, you’re not being unreasonable. Your boyfriend’s family is being extremely rude.

Having a seperate guest list for the ceremony and the reception? …Dafuq? I haven’t even heard of this nonsense before.

Anyway, your first step would be for your boyfriend to explain to his family that perhaps they are underestimating how serious his relationship with you is, and that he would like to have you attend the whole affair, as you guys are cohabitating and should be considered a social unit.

Post # 5
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@CherryAndWhite:  Considering that you two have been together 3 years and live together, you are NOT being unreasonable. My Fiance and I have been together for only just over a year, but even when we were first dating, we were both invited to our respective family functions since we almost the very beginning. 

Post # 6
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@CherryAndWhite:  OMG there is another post JUST like this from @maidmarian!

To me…..you are NOT being unreasonable.

My live in Boyfriend or Best Friend and I of 3+ years got an invite for his brother’s wedding/reception together and it was addressed to both of us (Mr and Mrs. Veryberry13).  They actually just included his last name on everything as if we were already married….and considering that we are moving in that direction I was happy that they did it this way.  

I’m sorry that this has worked out this way.  I suppose it’s up to you if you want to attend or not…but I am shocked at this trend that is happening.  In maidmarian’s post…her Boyfriend or Best Friend was just a friend of the person getting married if I remember correctly.  You’re almost family!  Have you talked to your Boyfriend or Best Friend about this?  Has he made it clear how serious he is about you to his family?

I’m sorry again..and good luck!

Post # 7
46657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CorvusCorax:  It is comon practice in some geographical areas to invite some guests only to the evening reception, not the ceremony or the dinner. The UK for instance. You cannot judge the whole world by common practice in only the area in which you reside.

Having said that, I also think they were rude in not inviting the OP to the whole day as she is part of a social unit . Not only that, but in in a live- in relationship with the brother of the bride. It reads like a deliberate snub to me.

Post # 8
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@julies1949:  The wonders never cease!

Given that this is common practice in the UK, it may have been an accidental snubbing. Perhaps the venue that is hosting the ceremony is really small, or the boyfriend’s sister wants only immediate family present or something. If that is the case, they’re being unintentionally rude.

The ball is in the OP’s boyfriend’s court at the moment. If, after he talks to his family, they stick to their guns about excluding her then I’ll have more to say on the matter.

Post # 10
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@CherryAndWhite:  I think they don’t want you there because if you come you’ll probably be in family photos, and if you and your SO break up it will ruin the pictures. This is obviously a horrible reason not to invite you but I can’t think why else they wouldn’t want you there. Maybe this is their way of saying ‘woah there, you’re not family yet’. I don’t want to encourage you to think the worst but this whole situation is weird and rude. 

ETA: I’m aware that tiered receptions are a thing practiced in the UK. I was adressing you only being invited to the dancing part of the reception. 

Post # 11
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@CherryAndWhite:  Yeh id be seriously p!ssed too! As  UK bee i understand the whole day/evening guests thing. The day is generally family/close friends, then in the evening additional guests such as coworkers/other friends and aquaintances join. 

And you have been out on the ‘second’ list despite living and being with your man for 3 years?!That is beyond rude!

With all the other stuff (like ppl she hasnt seen in forever going and forcing family to pay for things) i wouldnt go at all either!! Id probably also be tempted to only invite them to my evening reception when my turn came too! 

Post # 13
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

They are being rude, and I find it hard to believe they didn’t discuss your invitation at length!

I hate to say it, but I would be furious at my Fiance if he didn’t pitch a fit and get me a proper invite. Absolutely, don’t be in the family photos– if that’s what they’re worried about! But ugh, they are being very rude. Don’t let your SO make you feel bad!

Now, about going or not… since (if?) you plan on becoming part of this family eventually…I’d give this a lot of thought. Is there a way to take the high road (preferably also make them look like the mean, petty twats they are acting like…evil grin)?

Post # 14
7358 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it’s reasonable to be a little hurt or put off by it, but you also have to accept that some people must make very difficult decisions when making up a guest list, and that married/engaged couples are a very common line drawn. If you’re married or engaged, you get to bring your SO, and if you’re not, you don’t. It is your choice as to if you want to go or not, but keep any commentary to yourself, as you’re not going to want their input as you draw up your own guest list.

Post # 15
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s so incredibly rude. Even if it is the norm to invite people only to the reception, you don’t split up couples. I wouldn’t go.

Post # 16
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

@CherryAndWhite:  2 statements, put together, concern me for you:

“...besides they never do anything wrong in his eyes” and …”“I’m so surprised to get a wedding invitation from *insert names here*, haven’t seen them in forever”

If they are inviting people they haven’t seen in forever, they AREN’T making difficult cuts in the guest list to keep the guest list small.  This is a definite snub and you have a Boyfriend or Best Friend who is totally cool with this and will never stand up for you to them because they never do anything wrong in his eyes.

You really need to ponder that….a lot.

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