(Closed) Am I being unreasonable??

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
1042 posts
Bumble bee

I think having two kids and being pregnant is perhaps taking the romance out of it for you.   But you have that family and the house.   Why not just make it legal and get married?    I feel like the cart was put before the horse and it sucks you didnt get the pomp and circumstance, but does it really matter?   You have a son in school a young child and a bag on the way. I feel like it’s more of a formality at this point. 

Post # 3
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you should compromise. Set a date in a week or two so you can get bands, get a babysitter and go out to dinner to celebrate.

Post # 4
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If you are uncomfortable with it I would say something. I don’t think you are being unreasonable. 

If it makes you feel better though this is basically how my husband and I did it and I don’t regret it at all. We knew we wanted to get married and talked about it. Wanted to get married Nov 15′.  He is military and we found out my paperwork takes a while to get processed and I may not have been able to move with him right away to his first base. If it was overseas it could have taken 4 months! We decided to get married earlier (March) since we were going to get married eventually anyway then just celebrate later. So the next day we got married at the JOP then my husband went to work haha. In fact, I think he wore his work clothes to get married in! He had my rings to give me, but I didn’t have his yet so he got that later. It didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. A lot of military couples get married at the JOP then have a ceremony later and just use the ceremony day as their aniversary date. To be honest, I don’t remember much from our wedding day. I only really remember that it was cold and some dude came in to pay his drug fee in the middle of our ceremony. Kinda weird. To be fair though, after I had looked at wedding stuff the prices and stress just made me depressed so the JOP was the best thing for us.

I’d talk to your SO. I’m sure he will understand. Maybe you can do something to what I mentioned or compromise and have a smaller ceremony in a few months?

Post # 5
1064 posts
Bumble bee

staygold321:  I don’t think you are being unreasonable.   A thoughtless proposal kind of sucks.   I got a thoughtless one too.  When people ask how he proposed I don’t even want to tell them.  So I feel you on the disappointment.

Not like you need anything insane like a boat ride and a band, but to me, having such a thoughtless proposal sucks away some joy.  Not trying to be petty but you feel how you feel…

Post # 6
6595 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t think the proposal is thoughtless… I find it exceptionally awesome.  I love the stories about the guys who just can’t wait a moment longer… I had to drag it out of mine, which is a huge disappointment (we’re fine though, he’s just a procrastinator!).

The real problem is the lack of romance in your wedding.  It’s too bad he can’t take the day off at least.  If I were you, I’d secretly talk to his boss about getting a long weekend sometime soon.  Get a relative to watch the kids.  Plan a romantic ‘honeymoon’ trip for just the two of you, pre-baby.  After all, why does the man have to pull off all the romantic gestures while we just wait around?  Go for it!

Post # 7
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I second postponing for a week so that you can plan a casual but nice day- wedding bands, him having a day off, what you want to wear, a babysitter, someone to take a picture, even maybe a simple boquet and somewhere nice to go to dinner afterwards.

Post # 8
6640 posts
Bee Keeper

I also think his proposal was very sweet and heartfelt. Echoing PPs, plan a day, choose bands, make a dinner reservation. And congratulations on your new baby and getting married. 

Post # 9
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Matt Damon did this when his gf was pregnant with their first.  He asked her to marry him the next day.  They ran to the courthouse in the morning and then he went to work.  They’re happy  (for now–Hollywood! )  they have three kids together.  We don’t always get the romantic moments we want but if he indeed wants to marry you and can provide for you and treats you respectfully,  then you are very lucky.  There are so many women on this forum tired of being strung along, complaining about terrible dysfunctional relationships.   If this is your biggest frustration right now, I’d say you’re in good shape.

For perspective,  I dreaded a formal proposal because it is not my style to have a guy plan a romantic event of it.  And I eloped by choice. For me it’s the life together that matters, not the formal scripted moments.  

I don’t want to make light of your feelings.   I only want to put things in perspective .  I’m so glad he’s there for you.  Your third baby on the way, second by him?  I’m so glad he’s thete for you and committing to you!  So many jerks out there.   Maybe he’s a keeper.   Who cares what day he says “I do,” when right now you really just need those words. 

Post # 10
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think I’d feel sad about that as well. If it was his first attempt then fine but as you two have discussed it before surely he has an idea of your preferences? I agree that the legalities are rather important at this stage. Darling Husband and I only own a house but no children and the only reason I was keen to marry was for the legal protection spousal relations offer.

Could you just sign the papers and have a ‘proper’ celebration later on? 

Your partner may also have been under pressure to get a move on and sort it out considering you’re expecting your second. Plus it does sound sweet in its own way! 

Post # 11
303 posts
Helper bee

While the proposal may not have been a dream fairytale proposal, I think it’s very sweet! That man realized life circumstances had put it off time and time again so he worked with what he had in a heartfelt moment. That’s pretty special! I think you should have an open discussion and just let him know you want to celebrate it for the special day it is! Congrats!

Post # 12
9100 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Take the day off and get married.

I thought the proposal was very sweet. We’re brainwashed into thinking that only grand gestures are acceptable, or if they’re not elaborate and storybook they’re not thought out.

Post # 13
527 posts
Busy bee

I think what he did was so sweet. I vote you take the day off an celebrate. Call a babysitter, let your son miss one day of school, go pick out bands and go out to celebrate afterwards.

For myself, all I ask is that a proposal be from the heart. I want to know that he can’t stand the thought of not being with me. Whether that involves a grand gesture or not is just gravy: awesome, but I wouldn’t want it without the potatoes underneath lol!

Post # 15
60 posts
Worker bee

I think the proposal is super sweet. The “getting married tomorrow” is a bit hard to pull off, but nonethless I love that he just didnt want to wait any longer!

My Fiance and I had something of a similar story. We picked out my little ring together, and placed our order (it is hard to find diamond jewelry where I am, and if you dont take what they already have, you have to order to have it custom made at the jewelers overseas branch). Therfore, I unfortunately knew the date of arrival.

While we waited for an excutiating 21 days for the ring to arrive, he talked of proposing under the stars. He is a scientist, and we had spent our first anniversary enjoying the perks of his proffession, at this beautiful astronomical observatory on a mountiantop, just laying under a sky full of stars. But when he went to pick the ring up, he too could not wait! He came home to me who was in sweats on the couch with no make up or even a bra, and got down on one knee.

I honesly like that it happened that way. I hated the idea of him having the ring, and me impatiently anticipating every second, waiting for him to set it up or pick the moment. I loved that he was JUST as impatient and excited! I know of women experiencing waiting angst, but I didnt expect my guy to go through it too! So cute! (So annoyed by some of these stories of guys making their women sweat with anticipation. I feel like its a stupid power-trip-thing)

So… I find what your Fiance did super cute. I know that if you arent happy with it, there is no way to convince you, I just hope that it will make you feel better that he came from a pretty romantic place.

My Fiance and I did end up going to the observatory the next day. We popped open a bottle of champagne and had a private little celebration with just the two of us before we made our announcement. So I hope you can also work out some sort of compromise like that. You can still have a beautiful celebration incorporating some of the elements you had wanted for your ceremony, so you wont feel like whatever you had envisioned was completely spoilt.


  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  entsatsa.
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  entsatsa.

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