(Closed) Am I being unreasonable?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I can understand the attraction of making that extra money, but I would prefer my husband to be home with me at that time too.

He’s soooo lucky that he even has that option! My husband is allowed to have one day of leave, then it’s back to work for him.

Post # 5
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

While I can understand your hesitation to him teaching summer school right around when you are due, personally, I’d let him.

He’ll only be gone for half the day and then he’ll be able to be home to help you.  Half a day of work shouldn’t exhast him.  Plus, if you go past your due date (which don’t a lot of first time moms do?) it would only be a couple of days that he would still have of summer school left.

He is right that you won’t be alone without help while he is at work and then he’ll be home to help the rest of the time.  And $2000 is a good chunk of extra money that will definitely come in handy with the expenses of a new baby.

ETA: In the purposes of full disclosure of my perspective, when Darling Husband and I start expanding our family, Darling Husband will most likely still be travelling all week every week for work so I’ll only have his help on weekends.

Post # 6
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

No offense, but kind of– most men don’t take off more than a couple of days.  It’s only a few hours a day a couple days a week, he’s already spending more time with you and the baby than most dads get to. 

Post # 7
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@camrie: No.  In the long run, the $2,000. dollars will not matter, but the family bonding time will be a memory forever.  He is very fortunate to have that time with you and baby.

Post # 8
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I can understand where he’s coming from but I agree it seems less than ideal.  Especially with it being your first you don’t know how you’re going to feel and if you get a csection you’re going to need a bit of help at first. 

Post # 9
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This might sound really weird, but we purposely induced our daughter a week before her due date because FH had a work trip scheduled the week after her original due date, and I knew I’d want him there. So we induced thinking that we’d have a week where he’d be home with us before having to leave on the work trip. Of course, his dumb company just scheduled ANOTHER trip in between and he had to leave 5 days after our daughter was born. My mother and Future Mother-In-Law came to help me out and keep me company but (and this is the part I thought might sound weird) your hormones are shifting very soon after pregnancy and a lot of women tend to get paranoid about abandonment. This goes back to the days of our primitive ancestors, when women would fear being left alone to provide for their young- we still feel that and it’s a biological instinct to fear abandonment right after your child is born.

Anyway, that is my long winded way of saying I know the money might be tempting, but for your own sanity, I would definitely recommend having your husband around and not teaching summer school. You really do need that support from him, and it’s important baby-bonding time. I had NO idea I’d feel that way while FH was gone on a routine work trip and with my mom and Future Mother-In-Law around to pick up slack, but I did and it sucked. 

Post # 10
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can see where you’re coming from, but I think you need to take a step back. If it were full work days, I could see wanting him to stay with the baby as long as he has the opportunity. But for only 4 hours a day? A newborn is going to sleep most of that anyway. I’d let him do it. I do not have a kid yet, but I do believe that both parents should have their own grown-up time apart from just being new parents 24/7. I don’t think it should be a big deal, sorry. I guess the most important part of this to me is that it is ONLY 4 hours a day.

Post # 11
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Amaryllis:

LOL there’s no such thing as grown-up-personal time with a newborn. As they get older, yes, but a newborn essentially holds you hostage. And has unreasonable demands that the SWAT team and FBI cannot meet to set you free.

Post # 12
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Another thought – most dads get little to no days to spend at home before having to return to work for a full 8 hour day after their wives give birth.  That is normal and those dads still get plenty of quality bonding time in the evenings and give their wives a break after the work day is over.  And this goes on for the whole infant stage.

You husband would only be gone for half the day and for a couple of weeks max before getting to be at home full time with you and your little one.  Sounds like a darn good deal and situation compared to most people, IMO.

Post # 13
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My husband had to go back to work the day after we had our daughter. No matter what, you make it work even if it’s not ideal. Newborns literally sleep all day long, so other than changing diapers and feeding, you’ll likely appreciate the time to rest yourself while he’s teaching.

Post # 14
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@camrie: Sorta.  I completely understand where you’re coming from, since I have two already.

HOWEVER, if he had any OTHER job, would you expect him to take time off from it, also?  

Say, if he were working at a private company or in the retail world?  I can see a company letting the man have a day or two off (especially the day of and the day after delivery, maybe even a week, depending on the workplace).  

If you were expecting him to take time off from work, without pay, then I’d say it’s unreasonable.  Not every place gives several weeks of vacation.  My current place gives only one week after you’ve been here a year and have to be here three years before you get two weeks.

I’d suggest considering those scenarios and then decide.  

Post # 15
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, but I don’t think he is either. It’s a close call it seems like. $2,000 is kind of a lot of money. Especially considering it is only for three weeks and there is a good chance that you wouldn’t have the baby until after his first week (or honestly even after his third or when it was over… for your first kid you could go a week or two late!). So practically this is probably a 1-2 week problem, taking out the few days around the birth its probably more like a 1-1.5 week problem. For $2,000. I feel like to me it would be worth it… but I don’t think that you’re unreasonable for thinking it isn’t worth it to you.

Post # 16
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I don’t think you’re being selfish, unless you’re looking at a situation like “teach summer school or we can’t afford to feed the baby.” Which sounds not the case. I think it’d be a lot easier if it wasn’t likely that you’d have the baby right smack dab in teh middle of the mini-semester… what if you have a long labor? I want my husband to be around for all that, and I want him around for the hospital stay, and I want him around for the first few days (and all this when MY mom will be here as well, so it’s not like I don’t have help). Labor + hospital stay + first days at home is easily a week out of a 3 week semester- is that really worth it? I want my DH’s help, but I also want him to get comfortable being with and caring for the baby from Day 1- I don’t care if he goes back to work after a week (see “will have Mom around” above), but that initial bonding and learning time is important to me.

Plus,even if it’s only 4 hours of teaching time, I’m guessing that if you add in commute time and prep time and such, it’s a bit more than that… and even those reduced hours can be a lot to handle on top of no sleep and other stress. So no, I think that you’re being totally fair and reasonable.

To be fair, my Darling Husband is a federal employee and gets a lot of vacation time, so I may be more cavalier about this than others.

 

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