Post # 1
My Fiance never finished college. He was about 1 semester away from graduating when he got hired on at his internship for computer science stuff. He always hated school but did ok- 3.1 GPA…etc. My Future Mother-In-Law told me herself she forced him to attend college after high school and he really wasn’t interested…
My Fiance has been working in the CS industry for about 9 years does very well financially and is the most wonderful guy. He has a lot of certificates that he has earned along the way.
I’ve known from the start of the relationship that he never finished but it has recently started to bother me….We are expecting our first child later this year and I want education to be a priority for our kid.
When I tell Fiance this, he says he will finish ONE DAY but right now it isn’t a priority to him. AHHHH, am I being unreasonable?
Ok, end of my rant…
Post # 3
I think you can still make education a priority even if your Fiance never finished college.
He has been successful and is continuing to educate himself (certificates, etc) even though it is not through conventional college.
College just isn’t right for some people, and in some positions the certificates/advanced qualifications are more important than a bachelor’s degree.
Would he be able to finish college and still work as well as spend enough time with you? He may have too much going on with his job, etc to be able to finish college right now.
I think as long as education is emphasized and a strong work ethic is rewarded, it is not imperative for him to go back and finish college.
Post # 4
I think its ok to support him and maybe nudge him to finish school, but in the end its his decision. It sounds like he is doing fine for himself right now without it. Maybe in a couple more years he will more focused to finish it, He probably just has a few more classes left Im assuming.
Post # 5
@elbells722: Can it not be a priority for your child if your husband did not finish? Since you ask if you are being unreasonable I will answer with a tentative yes. If your husband makes good money and is happy at his work I don’t view the degree as an issue.
Your child (while having some of your traits) won’t be a direct copy of either of you. If you read to him/her then love of reading/learning is a trait that can be learned. Unless the money would be significantly improved I wouldn’t push this issue. If he plans to go back, great, but if it isn’t his number one priority now as opposed to say making more money for when the baby comes–well that’s great too.
Post # 6
Ditto for @KatNYC2011:‘s comment. College is taken for granted these days, but it’s certainly not necessary to be successful. Just make sure that through their grade-school years they know that you expect highly of them and then let them make their own decision based on their career aspirations.
Post # 7
I don’t know that it’s unreasonable to *want* him to finish his degree. I only finished mine because my mother insisted. At that point I really didn’t care one way or the other and I knew the actual degree had no bearing on whether I got the job I wanted or not. However, because it was important to her, I did it anyway. If it was left up to me, I doubt I would have. Not that I think education is unimportant; that is not the case. Physically finding the time and energy to complete it several years after I left school was the hard part.
I would encourage him, but unless the completion of his degree has some motivating factor (better job, more pay, etc) it may not be pressing enough to disrupt the life and job he currently has for a ‘piece of paper’.
I hope he does finish though. I never realized how much a sense of pride it was going to give me to be able to say that I did it. 🙂
Post # 8
I agree with previous posters, and the other issue may be that if you’re expecting a child, he may want to work as much as possible to save up money now (rather than working less and paying tuition). I think education can still be a priority. And if your husband does finish while your child is old enough to know about it, I think in some ways that makes an even bigger impact.
Post # 9
FI (I tagged along too)met with the guidance counselor about a year ago. He told Fiance that since left in good standing he would always be welcome back to school. Some of the requirements for the major have changed so he would need to do about 2 semesters…but none of the classes are at night time or convenient for a person that works full time.
Right now, we are worrying about our wedding, our child, where we will live…I think I need to be more understanding. Thanks ladies!
Post # 10
I guess one thing I would be concerned about without having the college degree is if he ever lost his job. Granted, he has experience and certifications, but there are many companies that require a bachelors degree to even get in the door for an interview that wouldn’t give him a chance. I know a couple people recently in this unfortunate position and it’s been TOUGH for them to find a job.
Since he’s so close, maybe he can look into what kind of requirements he needs to complete to get the degree. Is a technical school an option? It might actually be interesting to him if it’s project based, learning a new programming language or something relevant to his field. His experience and certifications would speak for a ton on a resume, but to many, the degree is the rubber stamp that gets you in the door.
Post # 11
Oh, Fiance paid for his schooling….do you thinik this would be different if his parents paid and wanted him to finish?
Post # 12
@Sking: FI seems to be “in demand” and has recruiters contacting him frequently but you never know what will happen in this economy. He says if he ever lost his job…it would be motivation for him to finish and to hit up his savings to pay for it.
Post # 13
I assume “CS” is “Computer Science”? I’m in that field, experience > education. Education gets your foot in the door, but after 9 years, he really doesn’t need a college degree to be on equal par with the rest of his colleagues.
In all honesty, there is really nothing he’s going to learn going back to college.
Most jobs in the computer field have requirements written is “degree in computer science OR x-number years experience”. If he wants to finish, that’s great, but if he doesn’t I don’t see that as a problem either.
Education can be a priority for your child even though your fiance didn’t finish college. One is not a prerequisite for the other.
Post # 14
I was the first one to attend college in my family. If anything, having parents that didn’t go to college moticated me even more to get my degree.
Post # 15
@abbyful: Yes, Computer Science. Yes, I think I am using our baby as a reason for wanting him to finish but in reality…it is because I want him too!! But I know he has to go back because he wants to..not because I am nagging him.
I have a BA and I work in a completely different field than what I studied…and I make much less than what Fiance makes.
Post # 16
Education can be a priority with or without college degrees. My mother has a Master’s degree, my dad never took a college class in his life. They both made my sister and I focus on our education and now my sister has a PhD and I have a Master’s degree. Clearly, our father not attending/finishing college didn’t affect our focus on education.
Also, education is so much more than just going to college and getting a degree! I am very involved with a mentoring program for high school students that gives out scholarships to graduation seniors. However, the scholarship does not stipulate that they attend college–they can use it towards a trade school, apprenticeship program, or even just materials to prepare for certification exams. (Provided they are all within the umbrella of the industry that the mentorship program promotes!) Having a successful career is not dependent on having a college diploma. There are far more opportunities for education than just the traditional 4-year college track.
If both you and your husband work to promote a desire to learn and help them realize that knowledge is power, then it shouldn’t matter one bit what if any degrees you and your Darling Husband hold.