Post # 31
ClassicCorvette: Wow…is that ever pretentious and rude! He thinks he’s better than you obviously because this rule didn’t apply to him and his gf when they visited.
I’m glad that you stood up for him (hopefully he would do the same if the situation was reversed). It’s sad that your family has chosen to be like this but this is their issue not yours so stand firm knowing that this is the right thing to do.
Btw, I do know how you feel. I’ve been through similar stuff with my family and my Darling Husband. They now know that we are a package deal…either invite us both or don’t bother. We’d rather go out with our chosen family anyways! (Our friends)
Post # 32
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your SO! I’d understand not wanting you to bring him if you’d only been dating 2 months, but almost 2 year? Yeah, he should be included. Did your brother say why your SO wasn’t invited? Does he not like your SO? Does he think your SO is rude? Doesn’t treat you well? I definitely wouldn’t go to this family thing, but I’d also try and figure out why they don’t care for your SO. That seems to be the biggest issue here.
Post # 33
ClassicCorvette: OUCH! Your Brother sounds like a douche, much like mine. They have this whole double standard principle sometimes that just makes you want to scream. Im taken aback that he uninvited you, that’s just plain disrespectful. But I think where you messed up was that you asked to include your significant other. If you are both a packaged deal, then bring him. Im sure your brother didnt ask to bring his gf the 20 times he came to visit.
If I were in your situation, I would still go AND I would take my SO. I can bet that if you dont go, they will make you the vilian and say you are the one who has changed because you didnt want to be around family because of a boy. So i say bring him. Any extra that it would cost having him there, cover it. If you brother doesnt want him in the house, stay in a hotel. I’m not sure how old you are but you are a grown woman who is about to embark on a journey with someone and you want the people who you love and care about to meet the other person you love and care about. I dont think that is unreasonable AT ALL.
I’ll give you a story. My mom wasnt too fond of my SO. She didnt know him, so it wasnt that she didnt like him, she just didnt see why he needed to be included. And because of that, he missed my law school graduation. Major bummer and I regret not standing up for him and us. Well I got a do-over. For my swearing it as an attorney, i invited him. She knew he was coming, she asked why he had to be included, so did my brother, but when they spent the weekend with him, they loved him. She even has conversations with him that dont involve me and he helps her out around the house. I tell you this to say, you shouldnt have to ask permission to include others in areas of your life that you think are important. If this mini-reunion is important to you, then attend and attend with your SO! Good luck!
Post # 34
OP, is there more to this story? It seems really odd that a family would not invite your SO when you’ve been together for 2 years…and then to uninvite you for requesting that he attend.
Has your SO done something that they didn’t like? What exactly was the discussion with your brother?
Either way, good for you for standing up for your SO.
Post # 35
Happy2bMrs: Unfortunately, my family has turned into a “no ring, no bring” situation after my brother got married. He’s never done anything negative, but I guess there could be more factoring in. The only other clue I’ve gotten about my family not caring for my SO is that he is intelligent and quiet (shy), but only until you take the time to get to know him. He does try to talk with everyone, but since he’s not charismatic my family faults him for not “entertaining” them. This, they have told me. I try to be a good mediator, but its hard when my family doesn’t try to engage him at all. I think that’s all there is to it.
Post # 36
mrsaxachef: Thank you for your reply, I’m so glad it worked out for you in the end.
Thank you everyone for your advice and helping me with this. I’d tag all of you if I had all day. 🙂