(Closed) Am I being unreasonable?! Am I wrong to be annoyed??

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why do you all have to go together to buy the dress?  If you’ve already picked it out, just tell them what they have to order.

If you haven’t picked a dress, then tell your bridesmaids, “We’re going on x date, if you can’t make it, I promise the rest of us will make a good decision!”  Problem solved.

Post # 5
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

Why do you have to go as a group? Ask the girl thats leaving if she can order hers now and have the others go in June. That still gives you 5+ months for them to arrive.

Do you mind if I ask how much the dress costs?

Post # 6
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think you need to take a deep breath and relax. Go dress shopping over spring break. That still allows you to get it done before your other Bridesmaid or Best Man leaves on her trip.

I got married in October. We went dress shopping for Maid/Matron of Honor in June. So you are way ahead of the game. No need to be stressed. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MissKit:  I’m confused.  Why do you want the dresses to be ordered all at once?  Can they not be ordered separately?  Why can she not go and get measured/order the dress on her own?  Can the store not do a layaway or payment plan with her in lieu of a deposit?  Don’t lend her money, it sets a bad precedent and will poison your relationship.

Also… you said you want her out, but don’t want to be the bad guy.  If you don’t want her there, please for both of your sakes step up and ask her not to be in the party, but realize this may end your friendship.  If you don’t want her in the party you will likely have pictures and memories of someone in your bridal party that you don’t consider a friend.  By not wanting to be the bad guy you are putting her in a situation where you are forcing her to be the bad guy when there is this expectation that “the bride is stressed, don’t upset the bride.”  This is not fair to do to her since you are putting her in a situation where she cannot win.  If she says “I want out,” she’s the bad guy for dropping out.  If she wants to stay in, she’s the bad guy because she didn’t answer the way you wanted.

Long story short?  Yes, you are being controlling and unreasonable because you are not being flexible with the method in order to achieve your objectives.  Yes, your BMs is also being flaky.  The objective being: order the dresses.  By making it: order dresses on this specific day all at once, you are creating a situation where there will be more obstacles and complications to getting the dresses.  If she can’t make it, why can the majority not decide on which dress since you have the overriding vote anyway?

Post # 8
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

why does she have to go? just go pick the dress out and have the girls get measured on their own. All my girls were measured at different places, and just called their measurements into the bridal shop to order. Not a big deal.

Post # 10
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissKit:  I think you teetering on the bridezilla line. Why do you have to all go together to order the dress if it’s already been picked out? People are busy, and trying to get everyone’s schedule to line up for one day may be hard. If it were me I would give your BM’s a deadline for when they need to have the dress ordered by and let them worry about when they can get their butts to the store. Worse case scenario, they can take their measurements and call in the order, just give a credit card over the phone for the deposit.

Post # 11
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@MissKit:  All my girls ordered their dresses at different times, from stores in different states. The color was exactly the same.

You are stressing about something that is not a bit deal. Your wedding is 9 months away and it only takes 4-5 months for the dress to arrive (oh and my girls were also told 4-5 months, and they arrived within 6 weeks).

Post # 12
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MissKit:  From the same dye lot only matters if the dress is made from different dye lots.  Seriously.  No one will notice if one is slightly different from person to the next unless they are identical twins joined at the hip all evening… even then it’s a stretch.  Yes, they are different dye lots, but they are not substantially different.  It is the same chemical formula.  Unless you are carpeting one room, sewing one dress, or sewing panel of drapes for one window, dye-lots do not matter.  This is because taking two dye-lots to make one item could possibly cause problems.  Usually it does not.  And they would only be using fabric from one dye lot to make one dress.

I still don’t understand why the only two options are end of March or June.  Can you not order the dresses end of March and then in April?  If you want all of them in at the same time and ordering them separately within a month of each other is not an option, then just get their dress sizes, go up one, and order them yourself.

Honestly, it looks like you are just looking for a reason that this girl cannot be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and are fixating on the dresses to avoid flat out kicking her out.

Post # 13
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

You do not all need to go and try on dresses at the same time, or order at the same time.  Give everyone the dress info and the very last date they can order it, and then leave it alone.  They are all adults and can surely handle ordering and getting measured themselves.  Some stores even let you do your own measurements and call them in, so your bridesmaid who doesn’t have time to try the dress on can just call the store and order it that way.

I really don’t see the issue.

Post # 14
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I don’t understand why yall have to go together if the dress is already picked out. As far as her being measured, if she can’t go, get a girl that close to her size and get a size up from that. That way, she can have it altered to fit and she’ll have the dress on time. (:

Post # 15
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It sounds like maybe this is less about the dress issue and more about you wanting her out. You gave her the option to back out and she didn’t take it. Either you’re stuck with her now, or you have to woman up and tell her the truth. However, if the only reason you want her out is because of this dress issue, then I think you’re making something out of nothing. Everyone else has already mentioned the order schedule thing, so I won’t repeat it. Sort out what’s really going on in your mind and go from there.

Post # 16
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

this is really not a problem at all. my bm all live in different parts of the country. i picked one bridal store , picked the dress and gave them all my bm names and info. each bridesmaids calls in with her measurements and credit card. they take all the info and don’t actually put the order in until ALL info is there. that way they are ordered into the designer at the same time (hence same dye lots) but each maid can do it at her own time.

problem solved

they really don’t need to go together. hell i didn’t even let my girls try it on. couldn’t just picked the style designer and color for them 🙂

The topic ‘Am I being unreasonable?! Am I wrong to be annoyed??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors