(Closed) Am I being unreasonable, and where else can I cut corners?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you seriously need to sit down and discuss this with him.  Explain to him that by using the plans you’ve made, he’s getting his ‘small’ wedding, but some of these things are really important to you.

 

Alternatively, ask him for a set amount and pay the rest yourself.  Tell him when to show up and smile.

Post # 4
Member
6211 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I would stick to your guns on this one. The biggest expense is probably the honeymoon- does he object to that? Are you sure that he wants to get married at all? 

Post # 5
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@anonalias:  He needs a little dose of reality.  Your budget is perfectly reasonable.  You need to sit him down and break down the cost of everything.  You can have a beautiful wedding within that budget.  I don’t think you should comprimise on anything else.  I would emphasize how important this is for you. He might not be concerned about it, but it’s important to you and he needs to take that into consideration!

Post # 6
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

How much of that budget is the honeymoon? How big is your guest list? What kind of bar are you having? What’s your menu? It’s hard to see where you can make cuts unless we have more details.

Also, not discussing a wedding for 2 years because it’s “too stressful” is not ok in my book. Something seems very wrong with that.

Have you guys considered just eloping on the honeymoon? If you spent your uncle’s reception in the hotel watching TV, maybe you guys should just have a private ceremony and then be on vacation!

Post # 8
Member
6211 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@anonalias:  I would break down the wedding and honeymoon separately. When he sees that price for the party he’s balking at it, but maybe he’ll think differently when the party seems to cost much less. You also really need to talk with him about how important it is to you to have the wedding. It’s something you’re not going to have another opportunity to do.

Post # 11
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@anonalias:  have you considered breaking up the budgets into 2.  one for the wedding stuff and the other for the honeymoon.  the honeymoon can add on a big chunk to the budget.

when you review the wedding budget alone, it won’t be so large. your fi won’t feel so overwhelmed.

the honeymoon is what he is looking forward to.  he will have many more options to choose from ranging in varying prices if the expense is a concern for him.

i took the rings and the travel expenses out of my budget so that the wedding costs were viewed separately.  my dh is similar to your fi and he appreciated that.  we had the money for whatever we wanted but my dh is a bit frugal.

how many guests are you having?  your budget sounds reasonable to me.

the last option would be to give your fi a breakdown of what a regular sized wedding would cost with lots of guests, expensive invites, highend venue, exotic flowers, etc.  it will show him how much you are already saving.  my dh had no idea how much wedding stuff was.

Post # 13
Member
9502 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t compromise much further.  He needs to compromise too.  I would ask him if he even wants to get married.  Then I would explain that it is your wedding too and this would be your dream wedding (on a budget).  I really don’t think you should give in any further.  Does he think he should get his way 100% of the time?  That’s what he sounds like to me.

ETA: $6500 for 10 people is $650 a person…which is a little on the expensive side per personBut a $6500 budget for a wedding is perfectly reasonable for you two (you own your house, cars, and have plenty in savings).  I don’t think it matters if you split this $6500 up by 100 people or 10….it is a reasonable budget for a wedding and reception.  If you would rather have a super elegant affair for 10 people as opposed to a (cheaper per person) reception for 100 that is perfectly OKAY.  Don’t cut your honeymoon that is a good deal!

I’m spending $20K on our wedding, with 80 people that is $250 per person.

Post # 14
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@anonalias:  Maybe I’m missing something, but I can’t see how a wedding for 8 guests is costing ~$8000… I definitely think you can cut costs somewhere in there, but without more detail, I don’t know where. Just for perspective, our wedding budget is about $8000 and that’s for 30 guests. But we are trying to keep costs low.

ETA: I agree with PPs, eloping on the honeymoon sounds like a good idea. πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

All I am reading here is you compromising, what kind of marriage is that?

Post # 16
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

Where in the UK are you? I’m a UK Bee and it might help to have some local perspective!

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