- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
So, I have one Maid/Matron of Honor and two bridesmaids. Maid/Matron of Honor E is my lifelong best friend, the bridesmaids are my two cousins-who-are-like-my-sisters — we grew up spending every single day together, and since I’m an only child, they’re the closest things to sisters that I have (they themselves are each other’s sisters though). They’re Bridesmaid or Best Man T and Bridesmaid or Best Man C. T is my age and C is five years younger than us.
So, first was the weekend of my graduation. I asked all my girls that weekend and they all said yes, and then we went dress shopping. I was adamant from the beginning that I did not want a strapless dress because I hate the way they look and feel on me. I just don’t feel comfortable in them (this was before I had considered a lace bolero — because obviously now I do have a strapless dress, just with the bolero :P). I also did not want this one certain dress from DB because I’ve seen it on so many brides and I feel like it’s overdone. T, being a fashion major and always having been the stylish one of us two growing up, felt the need to insist that I try on strapless and the dress I didn’t want, because they’re “more ‘in'”. Needless to say I didn’t like any of them, and when I put on the dress that I almost bought (it was “my dress” until I found a different one I loved even more a few weeks later) but she didn’t really like it, she was making a constant stream of snarky comments under her breath the whole time I was up on the podium in that dress. I was clearly glowing in the dress and everyone else LOVED it, but because it wasn’t the dress T chose, she was mad about it. (And I know it sounds like conjecture on my part to say that but that’s really just the way T is. It’s her way or the highway, and if it’s not her way it’s “tacky”.)
After this dress shopping trip we all went out to lunch together. I was flipping through the dress photos on FMIL’s camera with T sitting next to me, and every time we went past the pictures of that dress my stomach would flutter and I’d say, “Oh my gosh, that’s totally it. That’s my dress!” T would say, in an extremely condescending way, “But are you really sure? I mean, really? That dress?” When I said yes, I love that dress and felt amazing in it, she shouted to the whole table, “Well, Miss Bridezilla over here really knows what she wants!!” Um, really? I’m a bridezilla because I like a certain dress that you don’t agree with? Okay.
After lunch we went to look at Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. I picked a color and length, and they all picked their dresses, everyone was happy, etc. Awesome! We decided to order sometime early next year, so that Bridesmaid or Best Man C has time to lose some weight.
At some point on that weekend my whole family and the Future In-Laws went out to dinner to celebrate mine and FI’s graduations, our engagement, and my birthday (all happened within a few weks of each other). Everyone was abuzz about all the excitement happening to us and super happy about everything, and T would take every opportunity to turn the spotlight back onto her (again, not conjecture, T is a huge attention whore, she herself will admit to it). She’d loudly say things like, “Oh, I’m never going to get married! I’m never going to find anyone to marry me! Always a bridesmaid, never a bride!” and just all this oh-woe-is-me kind of melodramatic crap. It made everyone kind of uncomfortable because no one really knew what to say.
Now, the straw that’s broken the camel’s back is the Bridesmaid or Best Man shoes. I was at DSW last week looking around and found these shoes that I am totally in love with, and would match perfectly with their dresses. I wasn’t sure what we were going to do about their shoes — as far as color, all matching or everyone pick their own, etc. — so I figured we could just wait on that and let it happen organically. Well, it did — the shoes I found are totally perfect, they match the wedding colors (light green and champagne — their dresses are light green and the shoes are champagne), they’re comfortable, a low heel height, very easy to walk in, decently priced, and they have extremely tiny, clear sequins on the toe part that add just a tiny bit of shimmer.
I emailed all three girls pics and asked them to tell me honestly if they totally hated them. Maid/Matron of Honor E replied and said she liked them; BMs T and C did not reply at all. Whatever, neither of them really check their email so I didn’t think much of it. Well, today Maid/Matron of Honor E and I went to the store to look at them and she tried them on and LOVED them as much as I do and so she put them on hold at the store and I texted the T and C to see what they thought about them.
About half an hour later T texts back and says, “So I’m with C right now…we’ve both seen the email/pictures and we both like the peep toe/pump style but we don’t really like the sequins. And gold and light green for your wedding colors? Really?”
Um, again, yes, really. What, precisely, is so weird about light green and gold? It’s just T’s nature to be condescending to people who have stylistic differences with her. And what bugs me is, if the only thing they don’t like about them is the sequins, can’t they just suck it up? I mean, Bridesmaid or Best Man outfits aren’t exactly runway material and no matter how hard you try you’re probably not going to wear any of it again, so if you’re okay with the general style of the shoe, why do the teeny-tiny sequins have to be a dealbreaker?
C is T’s younger sister, and they sort of come as a package deal. C and I have always been buds because she’s much less, erm, obnoxious than T, and T used to boss us both around when we were little, so we’ve always been a sort of “united front”, so to speak. C is super laid-back and down to earth, and she’s been pretty chill about the Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff so far. But like I said, T and C are a package deal, and if one is a bridesmaid, it would be super weird and cause a lot of family drama/bad feelings if the other wasn’t.
But T is just being so obnoxious. Not just with the shoe thing, but with the whole Oh-woe-is-me-I’ll-never-find-someone-to-marry, you’re-a-bridezilla-any-time-you’re-decisive-about-something-that-isn’t-to-my-taste schtick she’s got going. It’s like she cannot accept the fact that I’m an adult now with my own sense of style and my own taste that doesn’t match hers, and she doesn’t get to boss me around anymore. Growing up she was always “taking me under her wing” in a condescending aww-you-don’t-know-how-to-dress-properly sort of way (I was a huge tomboy growing up). Now I know how to dress nicely and I know what I like, but she can’t get over it. And I just feel like, bridesmaids are supposed to be supportive of the bride, right? Not tear her down and make all the attention back onto herself because she’s jealous. And again, this is not conjecture or exaggeration — my Maid/Matron of Honor was actually the first to bring all this up, so she who had never met T until the dress shopping trip, picked up on it all too.
I’m barely asking my BMs to do anything. Wear a dress and some shoes, come to my shower if you can make it, and show up at the wedding. That’s literally it. But T is being so resistive to it all.
I’m thinking about asking T to step down as a bridesmaid. I feel like 3 girls is too many, Fiance is only having one guy, and BMs C and T haven’t been particularly involved about anything wedding-related, while my Maid/Matron of Honor has been a champion BFF and so happy for me and excited throughout it all. But I’m torn because I don’t want there to be bad blood between us. I mean, T is like a sister to me and I love the heck out of her, it’s just that her obnoxious self-centered tendencies are really making me hate the entire bridesmaid aspect of the wedding. I also don’t want to lose C or ask C to step down, but like I said, it would be extremely weird to have C be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and T not be — my family would be whispering about it for years to come and I don’t even know if C would want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore if T wasn’t. Plus it would probably change my relationship with T, permanently and for the worse.
I don’t know. What do you think? Deal with T, or ask her to step down and face the potential repercussions?