(Closed) Am I being unreasonable (bridezilla-ish?)

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Minkel23:  

I’m not quite sure wether you were being unreasonable or not to be honest, but i do have one piece of advice which you could perhaps keep in mind:

It’s clearly not the wedding that makes the marrige, your Fiance having a big fancy wedding with his ex didn’t make them any stronger, or better, they still split, on bad terms. It’s your love for this man that really counts. Some people might make somparisons, yes, but you mustn’t let that affect the way you want YOUR day.

Good luck xx  

Post # 4
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Minkel23:  Same deal here. My Fiance was married previously (although he has three children from that marriage) and I have felt at some points like he isn’t super excited bc he ‘already did the wedding thing’. I mean I know he’s excited to marry me, but I the wedding itself he has left completely up to me, he really hasn’t had an opinion one way or the other about ANYTHING. It took me a long time to come to terms with his ex and his children and I feel as though our wedding is just ‘stirring the pot’ so to speak, bringing it all back up. You have every right to feel nervous and upset about this. I can’t really offer a much advice bc I’m stuck in the same situation – except what my therapist has told me, it is very NORMAL to feel the way you are feeling! I think your Fiance should respect how this is affecting you and let you choose the venue of your choosing. You SHOULD NOT have to ‘downgrade’ (even if its only in your mind) bc he was married before. You weren’t!! So have the wedding of your dreams girl! 

 

And I think the word bridezilla should be banished from our vocabulary!! 

 

“The myth of the bridezilla : Making you crazy, and then calling you crazy!”

Post # 5
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m in a similar situation, marrying a man who is divorced and I am marrying for the first time.  I don’t really have much advice but wanted to sympathise! I hate that he has done it all before, but he was heartbroken at the end of their short marriage, and I know his family and friends are so pleased he has met me and now he is happier than ever (as am I).

Therefore, they are happy to come to his wedding (again!) and hopefully won’t be making too many comparisons.  We have tried to keep most things different but inevitably some things will be similar.  We are having a much more relaxed affair (with more people) than he did last time, but it it what I liked anyway, and not to do with his previous marriage.  I don’t think having a pub wedding would come across as with a “hint of apology” (I’d love it!), but if it’s not a venue you like – that is the problem, not that he was married before!

Post # 6
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. It is his second time around so I think if you had your heart set on something you should get it (or as close as reasonable). Of course it still needs to be a wedding for *both* of you.

Saying that, assuming his previous marriage was more than 5 years ago (?) then people really aren’t going to make comparisons, most people don’t remember details of a wedding months later let alone years.

It sounds like he sees where you are coming from so that is a good start. As long as you agree on the venue when you find the right one! Also don’t be too put off by a pub wedding. There are some beautiful pub venues around and maybe one of them will be perfect for you! Maybe not one next to a busy road however 🙂

Post # 8
Member
4703 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You can’t control other people. If they want to make comparisons, so be it. At least when it comes to comparing the relationships, yours will come out on top. A wedding is just a wedding, what matters is your marriage.

Do what feels right for both you and your fiance, and continue to tell him your honest feelings. Stop worrying about people’s thoughts and opinions about this ‘second wedding’. It’s your first, and his last.

Post # 10
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

@Minkel23:  Hi!  I saw this thread and signed up just to reply.  I see a lot of people get caught up having a “nicer” wedding.  It’s been 3 weeks since you posted, so you may have already resolved this.  I just wanted to say, think about what you two would like, what your personalities, interests, etc., are, and try to go with that.  For some people a “better” wedding is really a lot of money spent on white horses and fireworks.  For others it might be everyone renting a bar and talking over drinks, then having a 50 person road trip.  Another might make lego flower table decorations and have… custom pizzas.

It doesn’t always have to be “more” on the fanciness scale to be better.  It’s a shame his friends are acting the way they are, but regardless of whether they come around or not, you and your husband will have each other and a wedding you really love.  That’s all you should worry about Smile

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