Post # 1
So there are several things playing into this. First, my fiance and I have been together for 6 years and got engaged in Sept. Since then, 3 of his cousins have gotten engaged with another engagement coming up in November. One has been with his gf for 13 years and suddenly couldnt wait anymore so they got engaged 2 weeks after us and are getting married 4 months earlier than us. I’ve been trying to be very understanding (despite feeling a little like my fiance and my one moment to be the center of attention in such a large family is being suddenly shared) because, really, I am happy for them. We are all very close, and their happiness in no way should detract from my own. I don’t have the monopoly on happiness or being engaged.
So when my fiance and I got engaged, he played me this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn7T5VzBOCwFI works in video production professionally and we’re both total movie buffs so it was totally apropos for us and I LOVED it.
Now fiance’s cousin who is all about music (posts videos of himself singing on FB all the time, is in a band, etc) and his gf got engaged last week. To propose, cousin makes an amateur video with his cellphone and powerpoint that’s a direct rip off of my video! He has the same type introduction to the camera, and uses movie voiceovers for his slideshow. I totally would have been cool with it if he used song lyrics with the slideshow or wrote her a song and recorded himself singing it. Those would have been PERFECT for them. I’m not going to post their video because it’s not mine and I wouldnt want to violate their privacy that way but beleive me, its not a secret where he got his idea from.
Again, truly, I am happy for them. I love them both. And our videos are lightyears apart in terms of quality. But I can’t help be a little peeved that he used the same idea for his engagement so soon after mine.
Am I being unreasonable here? I would absolutely never say anything to anyone in the family, and it doesnt detract from how much I love mine. Trust me I also know we aren’t the first couple to use a video or love movies but I just feel my fiance put so much effort into making my proposal special and uniquely taliored to our relationship that I feel a little annoyed by this.
Maybe I should just feel flattered instead?
Post # 2
Yeah, you should go with “feel flattered.” Your now-fiance did put a lot of time and effort into making the video for you, but to be honest, “will you marry me” type videos are all over youtube, they are not exactly a new and innovative concept any more, and there are only so many techniques you can use when making a video like that. Plus, it’s not even your work– your fiance did all the work. It would still be unreasonable of him to be annoyed that his work had been imitated, but it’s even more off-the-wall for you since you didn’t do any of the actual work.
It’s totally normal for people in the same stage of life and in the same social circles to influence each other, and to have very similar ideas even without talking to each other or seeing what the other one is doing. With all the engagements going on in your social circle/extended family, I think you should prepare yourself for lots of opportunities for similar ideas to pop up. You may find that another bride has chosen a similar color scheme or similar dress (or even exactly the same). 99% of the time, it’s not because the other person is going out of their way to copy you– it’s either because they see a good idea that inspires them, or because you all just have very similar styles.
Post # 3
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I’d just leave it at that. Personally, I dont think I’d be peeved cause I couldn’t care less how anyone else was proposed to, what/where/how/videos/props, whatever. As selffish as it sounds, the only proposal that matters to me is mine.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Their proposal video has nothing to do with you.
Post # 5
OMG I LOVE YOUR VIDEO! And I understand your frustration, but think about how the other girl feels…. her fiance stole your fiance’s idea because he couldn’t think of anything better… she pretty much got your engagement.
Feel flattered that your FI is so awesome that other people want to be like him 😉
Post # 6
Lol, you just wanted to show off your video. Enjoy your proposal. Congrats!
Post # 7
I bet if you tried really hard, you could find something more worthy in your life to be pissed off about. Because wasting energy on this seems a bit…yeah.
Post # 8
Perhaps my post was a bit misleading. I’m not seething about this or anything. I really can intellectualize that this is not a real problem. I just felt a bit…um…annoyed isn’t right either…put off? And like I said I’m completely aware that we’re not the first to use this method to get engaged. Just as many people have gotten engaged on the beach, or at the restaurant they had their first date, etc.
Thanks everyone for keeping me in check though! I really need to keep reminding myself that really who cares about how you get engaged–its about who you’re engaged to.
Post # 9
I didn’t read everybodies responses yet but I wanted to let you know that I’m glad I’m not the only person that feels that way!
My husband is a twin and it really feels like everything we do, they do a few weeks later. Yes- I know that twins have strong bonds and they do think a lot alike at times but most of these were my ideas, not my husbands. My husband really doesn’t care about the wedding in terms of planning it so he just tells me what he prefers when I give him options.
We originally decided on a destination wedding in Spring but a couple months after, we decided we could not ask for our family to put that kind of money out for flights, hotels, etc. So we agreed that it would be best to just do one closer to home. A few months later- they got engaged and now they are planning a wedding at the same place we originally wanted and in the same month… actually- down to the same week! They are also planning a reception here in town at the same restaurant that my husband and I were originally looking at to do ours. I mean… seriously… come on! Totally stealing our ideas, right?
But honestly… I can’t be mad or upset. I’m not even flattered bc I kind of feel they are just trying to “one up” us and throw it in our faces that we can’t have our “dream wedding” (which honestly, my dream wedding is just one where all my family and friends could attend and the destination wedding wouldn’t allow us that)…
When my MIL called them out on the similarities (not upon my request… I didn’t know she was doing that) their response was “well, we are twins and we think a like”… umm… no, sir. That whole thing was MY idea- and I am certainly NOT your twin! LOL.
Anyways- I can’t be mad/upset because they have a right to do whatever kind of wedding whereever they want to have it. It’s none of my business and it’s completely their choice. It is annoying though because the wedding thing isn’t the only time they’ve used our ideas but it’s whatever. Some people just can’t be original and I’m happy I could help them with ideas.
I hope that makes you feel a little better in the sense that you’re not alone! =o)
But I do agree with the others… it honestly is a waste of energy to think about petty things like that. Think about it once and then let it go!
Post # 10
pinkshoes: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I’d just leave it at that. Personally, I dont think I’d be peeved cause I couldn’t care less how anyone else was proposed to, what/where/how/videos/props, whatever. As selffish as it sounds, the only proposal that matters to me is mine.”<br /><br />
Selfish? No. 100% right on? Yes!
Post # 11
cvaldes13: First, your video is amazing and I may or may not still be crying from watching it. Second, I would be peeved too. I think you just have to take it as a compliment.