(Closed) Am I being unreasonable here? Selfish maybe?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I honestly don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.  If your BIL has a problem with it then 1) he shouldn’t have agreed in the first place, and 2) he (or even your sister) should man up and tell you personally.  Can you call your BIL and ask him directly, even if your sister isn’t answering?

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I totally agree with HisButtercup – he shouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place, and why couldn’t they tell you personally that he didn’t want to do it? Are you close to your sister? If you get a hold of them and she’s wishy washy, just tell her to forget it and find someone else to marry you.

It’s a shame that your sister took the cowardly route and had your mom call you to tell you that her husband wouldn’t do the ceremony. You might want to contact the county anyway just to be sure that you can get someone for your date.

Post # 5
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Go straight to the source: your BIL.  Ask him how he feels, mention what your mother said, and go from there.  You could even give him a way out in case he agreed because he felt like he couldn’t say no.  (not saying it’s the case, but it’s a possibility).

Also, it could be your BIL wants to do it and your sister doesn’t.  OR your sister is trying to stay out of it because your mom is the one raising the rukus. right now, it’s impossible to know what’s going on with them. 

good luck!  hope it all smooths out quickly for you. 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Our pre-marital councelor said something to us last week that really strikes me as applicable to what you are experienceing right now.  He told us that a couple months out from the wedding, people will start to go crazy.  It just happens.  It is a tremendous step for family and friends to see their loved one enter a marriage and most people will go through a phase of being completely selfish/controlling/manipulative/disapproving/etc.  He told us to go on a date and take a few minutes to just be silent with one another.  You are just a couple months from your wedding and most likely your mom (and his mom) have no idea what to do about their own feelings about watching their children grow up and get married.  So they control and undermine and manipulate to try to get a better grasp on the situation.  We were told that this type of behavior is very common. 

You were good to talk to your BIL and I am glad that he is still on the same page as you for the wedding.  The world is spinning around you right now, but you can do what you need to do to address issues at their core and take care of yourself.  Good luck, it sounds like you guys have had a rough planning process.  I’m sure you wedding will be beautiful and joyful, regardless of all this drama. 

Post # 8
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Maybe it’s because your BIL is doing it and not someone “proper”? 

You could always call and confront her.  (I’m a bit confrontational…ok, ok… very confrontational). 

Rosiebear has a good point, about people going nutzy the closer to the wedding date. 

If you and your BIL are cool and on the same page, ignore everyone else and enjoy yourselves. 

Post # 9
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I would think BIL would be honored! Not selfish at all, ESPECIALLY because you offered to pay the fee. Looks like BIL is the only one who can solve this now.

You said you talked to him and he’s fine with it, so I’d consider letting it go. If he’s on board, your mom and sister shouldn’t have an issue!

Post # 10
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

You’re not selfish even a little. Just ignore your mother, and don’t give in to the passive agressiveness that’s going on here. Because that’s exactly what it sounds like. If your BIL had a problem, assume he would tell you. Don’t buy into the rolling eyes or sighs in the other room. Have the wedding YOU want to have.

Post # 12
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t believe you’re being unreasonable, and it’s good that you talked to BIL. Since you’ve spoken with BIL, are you planning on asking your mom what brought the issue up? I’m curious to know.

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