(Closed) Am I being unreasonable? Newborn and new grandparents..

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

If you’ve just had a baby you get to do whatever you want! Agree with booking a few weeks later if they’re worried about prices going up etc.

Post # 17
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

View original reply
littleeskimo :  Absolutely not unreasonable. I specifically had no visitors for 24 hours and DH and I roomed in with baby and it was perfect. 

Post # 18
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

Nope.  Our family lives on the other side of the country – 5/6 hours away, and I don’t want anyone coming to visit the first month or two.  Once I go back to work after that, family is welcome to visit.

I want a little bit of time to recover, establish a routine, and bond with my new little fam before opening up our doors.

EDIT: A little different in our case I guess since the grandparents would have to stay with us, and overnight visitors for several nights to a week is not something I want to deal with in addition to a newborn for the first month or two.

Post # 19
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Disclaimer: I don’t have any kids, so take my words with a grain of salt…BUT almost a month later does seem like a long time for grandparents to have to wait to meet their first grandchild. I can get why you’d want them to hold off, especially since they’re so far away and would likely have to stay with you (as opposed to stopping in for a couple hour visit) but I can also see why they would be a little disappointed. 

Note – I just noticed that I don’t think you mentioned waiting 3+ weeks in your original post. If it’s only a week or two delay I don’t think it’s THAT big of a deal since you probably won’t be accepting a lot of other visitors in that time frame anyway.

Post # 20
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I have never heard of a new mother wanting a crowd of people visiting her house until after at least a week after she gives birth. 

When the baby gets here, you will be a parent yourself. Your priority is your baby, and yourself concerning the baby. Whatever is best for you, the baby, and your husband is the most important thing in your mind. Not your in-laws.

Post # 21
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

 I’m not gonna lie, I think it’s a little sad that you want to keep everyone away since I’m sure all they want is to enjoy you and the new baby but at the end of the day it’s your baby, your body, and so your rules! Maybe send them pictures daily or something to make the wait a little less hard. Hopefully everyone will understand. Good luck Bee! 🙂

Post # 22
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

No, definitely not unreasonable at all. It is such a special and intense time for you, your husband and new baby that you have every right to want to be at home without visitors. Is your husband taking time off work to be at home with you after the baby comes? Maybe you could try telling your parents to wait until your hubby goes back to work to come visit because that is when you will be home alone and will need their help the most. This is what my mom did, she took vacation from work after my hubby went back, and it was SO helpful to have her with me because I was not yet ready to be alone with baby. Good luck bee! Wishing you all the best.

Post # 23
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee

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littleeskimo :  You have the same idea that I do.

When my husband and I are TCC we already made the decision. I want my mother with me through delivery but just her and my husband. I would like to go home and stay there with my husband only for about a week without anyone else. So I can enjoy with my husband. Then vistors are free to come.

Post # 24
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

I always try and put myself in the other persons shoes. I would love to be a fly on the wall in about 30 years when your son or daughter tells you they dont want you around after the birth of your grandchild for a week or more. Think about it………..

Post # 25
Member
4065 posts
Honey bee

Perfectly reasonable, and it’s what I told both sets of parents since we live far from both. I said if they couldn’t stand waiting to book flights than they should book them for three weeks after my EDD, assuming I’d be induced by 42 weeks. They both sucked it up after some whining, and we were so glad to have time to adjust and deal with the sleep deprivation alone!

Post # 26
Member
7639 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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weddingbliss1028 :  
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Mdmc :  I think two issues are being conflated here. I agree with you ladies that it’s unreasonable to make the grandparents wait a week to see the baby. But I agree with the OP that they should not be staying at her house.

That’s why I think the solution is to ask them to stay elsewhere, and have short visits.

Post # 27
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

If they dont feel comfortable with the grandparents staying with them….I agree. They can stay somewhee else. I cant even imagine not sharing those first few days with my mom and grandmother. I didnt have a problem with the in laws either. 

Post # 28
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

We are taking a similar road. When we told DH’s mom she immediately started talking about coming out. He squashed it. He even had to tell her no when she said she would bring her own air mattress. Just no. My mom has had other grandchildren and told me that all I will want to do is recover and hold my baby and that we need time to figure things out. Yes, I adore my mom, lol.

I know that my Mother-In-Law is still very upset over the whole thing. She won’t be here for the birth, but my mom won’t either. The only people seeing me naked with a giant vagina is my husband and midwife. She is upset because we told her not to come out at all, but we told her we intend to visit within the first few weeks because grandpa is unable to travel on a plane of drive 15 hours. You know what? She can be upset. I believe strongly that the first couple of hours are extremely important. I don’t want to be bombarded with visitors. I believe strongly that the first few weeks are for my husband and I to adjust to being parents and to bond with our new baby. We will both be home for awhile, so we do not need help with cooking or cleaning. Honestly, I feelnlike saying they will be there to help is just an excuse to get them in the door, so they can play with baby. The last thing I want is an overbearing woman taking my baby from my arms because she thinks she knows best.

My mom has been very easy going. She even said that a lot of the things grandparents think of helpful are no longer recommended or relevant. She knows that we will be visiting his family first because of grandpa’s health condition, and she is ok with that.

There is no right of grandparents or anybody other than baby mommy and daddy to be there for baby in the first moments. They will have plenty of time to bond. Those first weeks are for us as a family to adjust.

Be strong and stick to your guns.

Post # 29
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it’s reasonable to ask them to find a place and a week is not that long for them to wait (although it’s not a peaceful time at all so don’t think it’s this lovely bonding moment if this is your first born, it’s a sleep deprived steep learning curve what the hell did I get myself into and omg I’m eating every few hours to stay awak because s/he is awake and I don’t know if it’s day or night anymore! Is s/he hungry/pooping/gassy/what does it want from me Kinda week).

I think past a week is an unreasonably long period of time for grandparents and quite cruel unless you have serious concerns, but if you must I’d keep the visit short so they’d get a chance to at least meet their grandchild.

Post # 30
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Your body, your rules. No exceptions. If I were you, I would tell them they could fly to my location 7-10 days after my due date but they need to book a hotel for 100% of the nights they want to stay and I would make it clear that no matter when I had the baby, they needed to wait until I felt comfortable accepting visitors, and even then they can only come when I want them to for however long I feel comfortable. Then again, we don’t let any family stay with us during any visits except my young sister (even though we have two extra rooms… it’s just our way of maintaining boundaries) so our families would not think twice about the “you can’t stay with us” part. 

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