(Closed) Am I being unreasonable? Newborn and new grandparents..

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 46
1299 posts
Bumble bee

OP – go post this on DWIL. They will give you a been there done that perspective and help you with any wording you might need. Seriously. You shouldn’t be dreading a visit already – that tells you everything you need to know.

Also, HOTEL. Can’t stress this enough. 

Post # 47
600 posts
Busy bee

People can be really pushy about this. My mil expected to be in the room for delivery (no idea where she got that idea). I was very specific that I didn’t want anyone hanging around waiting for our baby to come, but she did. I wanted a few hours alone with our new little family, I got about 45 minutes while I got stitched up. Stand your ground as best you can!

Post # 48
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Do what you’re comfortable with. My family have invited themselves to stay with us and expected to be there immediately when the baby was born. It will be my parents, sister and their dog, we don’t have enough beds for everyone to sleep in, meaning my sister is probably expecting to sleep on the sofa. I’m honestly dreading this, as I feel I will be stuck entertaining and not able to use my home comfortably. I haven’t had the heart to tell them to stay in a hotel, although that’s what I really want, I did tell them we absolutely want to have at least a few days at home to adjust before anyone comes to visit. I know they think they will be helping us out, but they are loud people with odd sleep schedules and the whole thing is just stressing me out. 

Post # 49
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
littleeskimo :  totally not unreasonable at all!! Your the birthing mama here, you do you. 

I understand where you’re coming from with being unsure about making that decision.Its hard when the people you love make it known that they dont like the way you’re doing things. 

We recently had a baby and my mom was super super excited. She has two other grandchildren from my brother and his wife but I’m her only daughter so it was a little different for her. My mom was actually there with my sister in law when she had her first born and then she was really heavily involved in helping them out when they went home and my brother went back to work. 

So when I got pregnant she had all these grand ideas of it being this big family event and that I would want her there and honestly, I had a way different plan than that. I wanted to be home and with my husband and the trained medical professionals. I didn’t want anyone on stand by or near by or waiting for me to give birth. I figured once I had done it once maybe I would reevaluate next time but I really wanted to first experience just for us. 

When I told her that we would be calling our families after she was born she said something to the effect of “well just in case, you know you can call anytime” I think she hoped maybe I would change my mind but she was supportive of my decision. 

In the end, I called her three hours after her granddaughter was born and told her the good news. She is just as doting and loving to her new grandbaby as she was to my nieces 😉

Post # 50
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Heck no, you need to go with your gut. I think you should wait until baby is here to make a final call on when you want visitors. I think everyone feel differently. I have friends who didn’t want any vistors, while others had super easy deliveries and welcome visitors no problem.

I personally would not welcome my mother to come stay with us. She would add so much stress it would not be helpful. I would be fine with my Mother-In-Law coming though. I wouldn’t want anyone staying with us though, as I’d prefer they get a VRBO or hotel.

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