(Closed) Am I being unreasonable? (no babies at wedding)

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@madilovelove918…sorry if what I said offended you. Obviously not all babies would do that….maybe its even the minority. I was just trying to support @eryepye. A no children rule is a personal one and invitees should be understanding since they are not paying.  Planning a wedding always involves pleasing some and p*&^ing off others….at the end of the day @eryepye have to do what is best for them and the people that love them should support that decision.

Post # 18
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.  We’re also have a “no children or babies” wedding.  I understand that a nursing mother might not be able to attend because of this rule, and I would understand that (as you do).  I think it’s weird that her siblings seem to be declining the invite because of the policy.  Honestly, it sounds like your position rubbed them wrong and they’re reacting to it.  Not much you can do about that, except change your rule & make an exception.  And with the way they’ve acted about it?  I wouldn’t want to!  I would say forget them, I’m going to have a fabulous child-free wedding and they can do their own thing.

I wouldn’t make an exception for nursing babies not for space or money concerns, but because it just isn’t going to be an event for little babies. That changes the vibe.  What are they going to do with them?  They would be in a stroller or carrier, in the way, out of place… I’m just not a baby person and feel like they would add nothing to the evening — in fact they would just get in the way!

If someone really important to me (sister, best friend) had a nursing baby, I’d probably make the exception for them, and make sure there were arrangements set up to make mother & baby comfortable.  Other than that, blah… I’d honestly just rather have babies at home

Post # 19
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee

@eryepye:

I totally understand why you’re upset regarding the other cousins backing out.  That seems a bit “bandwagon-ish” to me.  If they are hopping on with Nursing Cousin for the sake of rebelling against your rule, I disagree with that behavior entirely.  However, I think most Bees commented on the breastfeeding thing because while your rule isn’t unreasonable in the least bit, it seems that a nursing mother would be a general exception to the rule.  Again, best wishes with it — if sticking to your guns is what you’ve decided to do, more power to you.  Don’t back down!

@FutureMrsBLT

No offense taken!  I was just really curious about your statement.  I’m all for supporting a Bee in a situation like this.  Thanks for clarifying.  🙂 

Post # 20
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Eryepye  I don’t think you are being unreasonable.  I think its selfish for your cousins already RSVP to change their minds based on one’s feelings being hurt.  They should be honest with you with the reason why they have changed their minds. I don’t get why people lie…it just snowballs into something much worse (case in point).

Plus if you allow one person to bring a baby (breastfeeding or not), then you are going to run into the fact that one of the other guests is going to be left out.  What if a family memeber on the grooms side just had a baby and they made arrangements to leave the baby at home and then they come to the wedding to find that you have special permission for your cousin to come to the wedding with the baby.  It just all adds up. And who knows what other “special circumstances” other children have.  “Tommy has this wrong with him and I shoud’ve been able to bring him.  It’s not fair that Cousin got to bring her baby.” And blah blah blah. 

Stick to your guns, no children allowed and don’t let the sisters make you feel bad, it’s not their wedding and they aren’t contributing to yours. 

Post # 21
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I think it’s your wedding, your decision!  I would only make the exception if this baby was EXCLUSIVELY breastfeeding!  I personally would love to have a “no children wedding”, but Fiance disagrees and says it should be family affair and so I slightly, grudgingly agreed.  I personally have seen some horrific things children do, and yes, babies cry ALOT and some parents don’t do the right thing and take the child out of the room, thus inconveincing others around them.

I love kids, but I wouldn’t be hurt if I knew that my children(in the future) weren’t invited–I just wouldn’t attend.  Having kids is a sacrafice–one shouldn’t be upset if they can’t do all the things they used to.  By the way, since you’re already having trouble with space–be happy that those three plus their dates won’t be there.

Post # 22
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I also agree w/ Ms. Sassy.  It wouldn’t be fair to make an exception for one and not another–could cause more rifts.

Post # 23
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I said no babies too but a guest (family friend) brought her 6 month old because she too was breastfeeding.  When I heard she was bringing her, I was a upset they hadn’t even asked but everyone told me to let it go, so I did.  They brought her and she was so beautiful!  She made the cutest cooing noise at one point during the ceremony, which everyone laughed about and thought was too cute. So yes, I was upset like you are now, but in the end it turned out really well and I was glad the family was able to celebrate with us.

Post # 24
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

you arent being unreasonable at all. my sister pumped when she had to go to a no baby wedding. so its really not that big of a deal. a lot of people say your being unreasonable because they have kids. im not a kid person either, but i do have several nieces and nephews that i love to pieces from ages baby- 3 who are NOT ALLOWED. sorry, but its our wedding and i dont want the atmosphere to suck because it realllllly does change the vibe at a wedding. i was just at one and let me tell you, during her ceremony ALLL we could hear was all the little kids making sounds and yelling out questions. not my ideal wedding. stick to your guns girl.

 

and as far as your other cousins, just say okay. who cares, if they are going to be that catty then obviously they arent worth it. gosh some girls just need to get off their high horse and realize sometimes its not about them!

 

anyways lol. good luck!.

Post # 25
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Carbon Girl: Wow I would be pretty mad if a guest brought a baby after I communicated the no babies rule!  And frankly, I don’t think cooing during the ceremony would be cute at all.  I’m sure everyone else would think so, but it just wouldn’t be my thing.  I guess I’m especially sensitive b/c our venue has a unique situation and babies would present quite the challenge.   Good for you that you were able to let it go and make it into such a positive experience!

Post # 26
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee

I can understand both sides.  I see how you can be upset that they are basically petitioning against your rule by refusing to come.  But I can also see how as sisters, it would be more important to them to stick with each other than a cousin they barely know.  It’s bad etiquette on all sides.  If you don’t want the nursing baby at your wedding, then you will just have to accept that she and her sisters will all be missing the event.

Post # 27
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee

I’ll speak from the position of someone who had “no children” at my wedding, and as a mom.

I support people who don’t allow children at weddings.  I get it.  They can do things to disrupt the party.  And while no one I invited had an issue with having an infant, if someone had brought that to my attention, I would have allowed it.  It is difficult to leave a baby with a sitter, particularly if the baby doesn’t take a bottle.   (What can you do then?)The younger the baby is, the less likely it is to cry or be disruptive.  In fact, I find that the toddler years, are the most disruptive.  And again, as a mom, if my kids were not invited to a wedding, but I saw an infant there, I wouldn’t be offended.  In reality the only people who could get offended by that are people with kids.  Yet I feel as though people with kids will understand, because they’ve been there.

@ eryepye when these cousins backed out, did they give you an indication that they are upset?  Perhaps you are being sensitive?  I mean that if she has to breastfeed and the baby can’t take a bottle (that means even if she pumps), what can she do?  She has to decline, right?  And the sister who originally accepted and is now backing out for the same reasons, couldn’t that still be innocent enough?  Maybe she thought she could bring an infant too, at first.  And if you’re not that close to them and they pulled out, maybe the third sister will just feel uncomfortable going without them.  Whatever their reasons, maybe just giving them the benefit of the doubt will let this whole thing rest.  (If you don’t want them to get that offended for not allowing them to bring their babies, you probably shouldn’t be that offended if they choose to decline, if the choices you make for your wedding don’t suit their needs/wishes.)

And I understand what you’re saying about babies being more likely to be disruptive than adults, (certainly).  And I get that ceremonies are usually pretty quiet.  Could a solution be to ask the cousins to just bring the babies to the reception, where a little cry here and there, would really be that noticeable?

Post # 28
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well, I think that “no babies or children” is a tougher stance to take than the normal “no children”, but it’s your wedding and your right to take it.  Do any of the cousins who backed out have babies?  Maybe they assumed they could bring their little ones and leave the siblings at home.  If you made an exception for babies, I don’t think anyone would be upset since people generally understand the difference between an infant-in-arms and a kid that eats solid food.  They’re not really in the same category.  But if you feel strongly about it, it’s your choice, you just have to accept that people may be upset about it. 

Post # 29
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I dont think it is really all that unreasonable.  I think, and maybe I am wrong, you are concerned about making an exception for 1 person because your other cousins may be upset you have infants or small children.  I agree with the others that one infant wont take up much room, but if you family is big and your other cousins have infants that want to bring them too, then you are put in a tight spot.  It is a really hard decision to make.  My sister has a newborm but is not breastfeeding and wanted me to have a no kid or baby rule so she could have the night off.  I have thankfully lucked out.  I wish you luck witht he situation.

Post # 30
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

this is tough – i am doing the same thing – no children *period*

if it was just MY family it really wouldnt be a problem since none of them have kids that are young that they would ever think of bringing (onlyone of my Bridesmaid or Best Man have children, and they are staying with granny) – but being that i have a HUUUGE family im not inviting ANY family that is under the age of 21. if i did that it would add about 70 people to the guest list. so um.. NO.

FH’s side though was tougher, his sister who is also a Bridesmaid or Best Man has a small child, and several of the groomsmen have small children some of which will be around 8-10 months by the time the wedding rolls around.

i am adamant about not having children at the wedding being that every wedding i have ever been to has been ruined by children (not to mention im not a fan of kids in general) but the good part about this is that the folks with kids didnt even consider bringing their kids -they are just happy to have a night to themselves. FH sister is having a baby sitter come down with the family to watch her child during the wedding and festivities.

personally i would stick to your guns, if you cant come because of the nursing baby then you cant come. if you start making acceptions, then it will cause problems. butyou know your family best – so do what you think is best, but i think your other cousins are out of line if they already RSVPed yes and seem to be changing their attendance over something not really pertianing to them.

perhaps you can call your cousins and ask what the dilly is?

Post # 31
Member
848 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Consider yourself very lucky – 2 people that were going to bring their crying infants aren’t Smile You are so NOT rude and NOT unreasonable. It wouldn’t have been fair for them to swing by with their babies when no one else could. I have babies in the brain right now, but there’s a time and place for everything … bringing a baby to wedding, IMO, isn’t one of them.

The topic ‘Am I being unreasonable? (no babies at wedding)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors