(Closed) Am I being unreasonable? (no babies at wedding)

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Okay…I respect everyone’s opinion who said that you should allow babies, BUT…

Unfortunately, you can’t make one family+baby exempt from the rule, because then you are opening the doors for TONS of anger/hurt feelings from those whose infants were not allowed.

And, as you said, you were gracious about the cousin RSVPing “No.” These sticky situations can sometimes ruffle the other family members’ feathers, but I promise that even without them, your day will be wonderful. You’re going to care far more about who is there than who isn’t, and in general, I think it’s better to have people there who support you and your decisions.

Good luck!

Post # 33
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

We ran into the same situation and we allowed a couple of cousins to bring their newborns…they were very well behaved and the cousins were very grateful we allowed it…the other cousins who had children understood why they were allowed to be there…not once did I hear a baby cry!  I didnt not want them to come for that reason…it would of made me feel bad…

Post # 34
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I really didn’t read most of the replies, so pardon me if I’m the a$$hole here.  But I do not think it’s unreasonable to say “no children” across the board.  If you let one person bring an infant, then everybody else will cry foul.  This is *your and FH’s* day.  Don’t let anybody talk you into something you are uncomfortable with.  Sorry if that is the wrong answer, but this is truly my humble opinion.

Post # 35
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hello!! My hunny and I read this post and agree with you 110%. I think it was very responsible of you to say no because it would definitely raise eyebrows and whispers when other parents see a baby after they were told there were no kids or babies allowed and they left her children with a sitter. You absolutely did the right thing. You’re not sitting there saying “well you have to come and if you don’t i’ll be mad” lol you obviously understand the situatoin and that is why it’s alright that she doesn’t make it (i’m also keeping in mind the fact she didn’t even invite you to hers). the fact that the others all of a sudden changed their minds is what upsets you. this isn’t some party people can just say “yeah ill be there”  “oh wait no i wont” it’s a wedding and it is rude what they’re doing. the cousin with the baby not going because she’s nursing, isn’t rude..the cousins not going because you wouldn’t make any exceptions, is. it’s stupid because it has nothing to do with them. hope you cheer up and don’t sweat it, you’ll still have a marveous wedding day with all the people who actually do care about you getting married.

Post # 37
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It’s your wedding and you can make the rules.  However, I will mention that something like this happened in my mothers family in the 70s.  As a result, there was a divide in the family and it was 20 years and a tragic death before people started talking to each other again.  Neither my sister nor I (nor my mother as an adult) got to know her aunts, uncles or cousins, which is sad.

Post # 39
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Really I think everybody is missing the point that the poster does not want kids at her wedding. I nursed all of my kids and yes I missed some pretty nice events because of that. Once you have kids your free time changes. I’m sure the cousin will have many more weddings to go to once her kids are older. It’s not a greek tragedy…it’s a missed wedding…she’ll live !

Post # 40
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@eryepye I totally feel you on a divorced parents’ family kind of cutting you out.  I’ve extended an olive branch to some of my not-so-supportive family members (from my dad’s side) via the wedding, but if they behave badly, it’s the last one they’ll get.

And I think that people changing their RSVPs because you won’t let their sister bring her BABY (I’m sorry, but it’s not your fault that she has a kid— this may be a controversial point with other posters, but it’s how I feel) is super petty.  It’s a bummer, but if this is how they behave then they aren’t worth your time.  Have a gorgeous, child-free wedding and enjoy your day.

Post # 41
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

We’re not having kids, no exceptions. We made it 15 and up so Mr. R’s nephew can attend, but if they’re newborn-14, they’re not allowed to come. Period. I don’t need any pre-teens acting like brats, and I don’t need any babies crying through the ceremony.

If I knew of someone who had a newborn that was still breastfeeding I would just say “I’m sorry that you’re not able to attend, but if I make an exception for one person, then I have to start making exceptions for everyone.”

I wouldn’t change my decision for one person. By saying “no children” you have to be able to accept that some people may not be able to come.

Post # 42
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I understand both sides. I definitely think it could open a can of worms to make an exception for just one person. Someone else may think they have just as valid of a reason to bring their child as your cousin. 

At the same time, if she was someone you really wanted to be there, I would think the only thing to do would be to make an exception, since there would be no way for her leave her baby with a sitter for that amount of time. For example, if it was your sister or one of your bridesmaids, of course it would be more important for them to share your wedding day with you than to keep to your “no kids” rule, right?

So maybe the hurt feelings amongst your cousins is that it may come across that you don’t want her to come that badly. If you did, you would have recognized the only way she could come was with her breastfeeding infant, and you would have made the exception. While there’s nothing wrong with not wanting some to attend as badly as others, I could see being a little offended by receiving an invitation when there’s no way she can make it.

Post # 43
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@daniellemybelle   why should she be feeling guilty because the cousin can not attend? Let’s face it when you’re preganant or nursing you miss out on alot of activities that other couples go to. I missed my friends all going to Vegas because I was preggo. I missed out on several 4th of july’s, new year’s, etc parties for the same reason. I didn’t for once think to myself of wow….I’ll just bring the baby and nobody will notice..pfff. She wants a kid free wedding so end of story. I hate when ppl get all bent of of shape because their kids can’t go. This is just one of the drawbacks of having kids. They need to suck it up like grownup’s and deal with it.

Post # 44
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I rather agree that a baby that is still breastfeeding should be permitted at the wedding.  I am saying 18+ only, but babies are allowed.  It’s confusing and one cousin seemed disappointed, but it is what it is take it or leave it.  But I think you may have to give in on this one. Good luck!

Post # 45
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, honestly, I feel like you. Here’s my take on this: how old is the child? Does she know that maybe by some miracle in the next month that the baby will not take a bottle? I mean, a month is a long time in newborn-land, you know?

Anyways, I think your cousins got their feathers ruffled over nothing. Like others have said, in some families, when you make exceptions other guests throw a fit. I know an aunt who would do something like that if I made an exception for a baby but not her teenaged badly behaved klepto son. So noooo way!

Post # 46
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I would do the exact same thing.  If you make an exception for one person, it’s hard not to make them for other people.  Babies are children, and you said no children.  It’s unfortunate that she can’t attend, but when you have a “no children” rule, some people may not be able to go because of it and you said you were sorry that she can’t attend.  I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable.

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