(Closed) Am I being unreasonable or are they? RANT! sorry

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry you’re feeling frustrated!  I know your Maid/Matron of Honor feels like she’s in a weird spot.  Unfortunately, I have to agree with them.  $250 is a lot of money for a shower in addition to gifts, travel, bachelorette, hair/make-up, dress, etc. for your wedding.  I don’t think you can dictate what they spend their money on based on their income.  Perhaps showers are different where you’re from, but I don’t feel that over a grand for a shower is reasonable…

I can understand your frustration with the other weddings, but you don’t want to come across as childish saying “But you spent X amount on her wedding!”  I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s my opinion.

 

Post # 4
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I  don’t know anyone who would spend over $300 each for a bridal shower or over $180 for bridal dress.  You know best, trust your instict.

Post # 5
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ouch, that really does suck.  I can totally see why you’re upset about it, but at the same time, no matter how much they make, how much they spent on so and so, how much they spend on a night out, and even how much you spent on them, it’s their choice how they want to spend their money.  I think it’s pretty selffish of them to be so ‘cheap’ for lack of better word toward you, when they can easily afford it especially after what you had contributed for them.   Some people are funny about money though.  I’ve got a friend that easily drops 500 a weekend on drinks and food, BUT complains that like 200 is too much to pay for a 8×10 rug for her living room. 

Post # 6
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Although you may think that you do, I doubt that you are fully aware of the financial situation that each of these girls are in. They may be in a pinch or have certain amount alotted for the wedding. Regardless, your not in a position to assess what they can “afford.”

With that being said, if they are only willing/able to contribute $100, then you can’t force them to contribute more. Also, you don’t need to throw a bridal shower or any other party at a fancy venue. Downgrade as much as you need to or contribute the difference. 

Post # 8
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@kitkat12345:  get them a different $100 gift instead.  And give the 200 to your Maid/Matron of Honor to make up the difference for the shower they wont give her.  =)

Post # 9
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think $250 for the shower is a lot. 65 people is a pretty large guestlist too, can you cut it to make the cost more reasonable for the BMs?

Post # 10
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@kitkat12345: I hear ya.  I guess it’s just hard for me to understand being a teacher (ie broke, LOL!)  You are being so generous with them and it doesn’t seem like they are understanding that.  Unfortunately, I can’t see any way to make it go dollar-for-dollar.  Good luck!  I hope the girls figure out all you’re doing for them!

Post # 12
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@kitkat12345:  I don’t know…I live in NYC, a pretty darn expensive city- I just wouldn’t expect my friends to spend more than $150 on a dress and most likely will have the bridal shower at someone’s house. ACtually, I never remember paying for any of my friends bridal showers- and I’ve been in 4 weddings. It doesn’t matter in my opinion how expensive the state is, people prioritize their money differently. I have plenty of super wealthy friends, I just don’t expect them to shell out hundreds of dollars on my wedding BUT I also wouldn’t be offering to pay for their hair AND makeup like you are. eh, sorry not of much help…I wouldn’t say anything, even if you did it would just make things uh…awkward?

Post # 13
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@kitkat12345:  Are a lot of the people invited family? Would you mom be willing to co-host? It used to be improper, but now it’s acceptable for bride’s family to help host the shower

Post # 14
Member
675 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@kitkat12345:  Yeah, I’m with PPs. I can’t imagine any of my friends asking me to pay $250 for their shower, but that would be WAY out of my budget. And I make a decent amount of money. 

Post # 15
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it kinda sucks that your Maid/Matron of Honor is telling you about all of this – it would of been better for her to just leave you out of it since it’s just going to make you feel bad. I’d tell her that whatever amount everyone can contribute is fine, you don’t need a super fancy shower and you don’t want her to worry about it. Because 200 x 6…that is 1200, seems like a crazy amount of money to spend on a bridal shower! I would also ask her that in the future she and the other girls should just do what they can because it’s kind of awkward for you to be in the middle. You have enough going on planning the wedding without having to do that.

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