- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I found out this past May that my fiance cheated on me in March of this year while he was away on a business trip. Big drama when he got back (lied about where he was, very suspicious e-mail from the female high school friend he spent time with while away). Eventually, he convinced me that nothing had happened. However, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and eventually in May forced him to show me his Facebook messages. Long story short, he ended up admitting they kissed (read: made out) his last night there. I know they didn’t sleep together because of something in the message, but I guess I’ll never know entirely how far it went. I know it’s just kissing, but the way I feel he might as well have slept with her. I feel like he completely forgot about me, and was only thinking about how much fun he was having at the time. I have decided to forgive him, and it’s getting better incrementally (we are now engaged), I know I want to forgive and most days I have forgiven him. He has been amazing in helping me to get over this, done all the right “How to Behave When you Have Cheated on Your Partner” stuff.
Now, to the current issue. There is a woman at work (she about 35, him 27). They’ve worked together for 6 or 7 years and they’ve been good friends off and on. They slept together once right before he met me, about four years ago. I know he had a thing for her before that, and I believe he still has a bit of a crush on her. She has slept with a couple of other men in the office (who were married at the time) and just makes me very uncomfortable. She told my finance once, “Married women and women in relationships never seem to like me.” I hate stereotyping, but I think you know the type. I believe she is very insecure and gets a lot of self-esteem from being the woman married men sleep with when they realize their wives are boring (I don’t actually believe this, but I think she does). I try not to judge anyone’s choices and I don’t think it’s immoral or she’s some jezebel who seduces married men (they make that choice), but it basically comes down to: She does not respect marriages/relationships, my fiance has proven that he kisses people who aren’t me, and they have slept together previously.
Now it seems their friendship is starting up again, or at least he seems to be talking about her a lot more; she bought him lunch on his birthday (with another guy from work present), they take breaks together. Now she wants him at her birthday party tonight, and he plans on attending. I think he is fine with me coming, but that’s ridiculous. This woman isn’t my friend, and I’m just going to look like the clingy G/F who doesn’t trust her fiance (which I am, at the moment). Apparently, she will be pissed off if he doesn’t come. I don’t see why he should care even one iota about her feelings. No other men from work are going to this thing, just my fiance. I think the fact that he knows how uncomfortable she makes me and that I am still working on trusting him means he shouldn’t even consider going to get drunk with her at her birthday or being anything more than work acquaintances/colleagues. I feel like this is exactly the type of situation where work relationships turn into something more. They do not talk outside of work very often and I’m not worried that something is going on at the moment. What I am concerned about is something developing.
I feel somewhat guilty for being jealous because my finance does not have a ton of friends (we’re both kind of introverts) and I do want him to have fun. However, it is not like she is his only friend; he’s in a band and plays at bars and clubs regularly and he has many outside interests. I am not asking him to end the one close friendship he has or anything dramatic like that. Basically, am I being unreasonable about this?
(I’m sorry this is so long…it’s hard to determine what details are important and not important when it’s your own problem. EVERY tiny detail seems vital) Thank you so much for your time.