(Closed) Am I being weird, or are they? Reality check please.

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
22 posts
Newbee

IMO…. Your aunt and uncle are relatives. Your Father-In-Law friends aren’t. It’s not really about them having friends there, it’s about you and your Fiance. You’ve went enough out of your way to give them one couple.

 

Edit: If they are contributing to the wedding then I would be more inclined to let them invite a couple people. They should be able to provide the names of the couples. You could still give your Father-In-Law the invites, if thats what they want and then at least have the names to put on your RSVP website.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  minxbee. Reason: One more thought
Post # 3
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

Kind of crummy for your Fiance to keep you out of the loop like that and then waffle on helping you talk to his mother.

I would kindly explain to your Future In-Laws that you need the names and addresses of the guests beforehand for your RSVP system and for the sake of seating charts etc. And that you’d really prefer to send the Save-The-Date Cards to the guests directly because you and your Fiance are (presumably) the ones hosting the wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
9604 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

No I wouldn’t like that either. Say you’re happy to invite two more couples for them but just send their info because you need to keep track of the guest list and rsvps yourself. It sounds like they don’t even know who they want to invite, they just are making a power play. OR they’re going to do something bat shit like copy them. 

I would definitely put my foot down on that. You’re the one going through all the effort of planning and the expense right? Yeah, you get to control your own guest list then.

Post # 6
Member
4840 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

amanda1988:  Stick to your guns – one couple, you need name and address to send the STD yourself.  This should not even be an issue!  

Post # 8
Member
9176 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Eh, I’d actually be fine with it since my all my parents’ friends are entirely interchangeable to me and it doesn’t matter if they invite Mr. and Mrs. Smith or Mr. and Mrs. Jackson. I’d just ask that they give me the names once they decided who the invites are going to.

And I’m pretty Type A about everything too!

Post # 9
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

amanda1988: uh, no. they are being shady. One couple = one save the date. 

Post # 10
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It always bugs me when families who aren’t footing the bill insist on invitations for people they want. You have my sympathy. 

Post # 11
Member
9604 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

amanda1988:  yes maybe thats why… they felt bad so theyll do the effort? But just insist that its easier for you to keep track of everything. You dont want to have to go between your inlaws for the rsvps, thank you note address… etc etc 

Post # 13
Member
1353 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh this happened to me too. His parents wanted to invite a couple with a kid. Getting the names, addresses and the age of the kid (for the caterer) was like pulling teeth. Now-DH ended up giving this parents the invitations to distribute in person (grrr). Like you, I was pretty uncomfortable with the situation. 

It took months to get the names. My in-laws kept saying that we don’t need the names for the placecards! We can just write “guest”! Riiiight. I finally got them, but never the addresses. 

So the same thing happened all over again with the thank you cards. We still don’t have their address, so they still didn’t get a thank you card! 

If I were you, I would insist on the names and addresses. Plus you have your RSVP system which is another reason. The couple in my case never even officially RSVP’ed. My ILs just confirmed for them, which is just awkward. 

Post # 14
Member
9176 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

amanda1988:  Well you could turn that around and say, if they’re really not sure which couples they’re going to invite now and you aren’t sending invites for another 6 months, then why give you names and addresses right now when they might change their mind 15 times between now and then?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable being upset or anything, but in the grand scheme of things, I think there are better hills to die on. As long as they don’t go ahead and invite 12 couples when you’ve agreed on 2, then it’s just something I’d deal with. 

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