Post # 1
Ok, so I feel torn, between being upset and feeling like a jerk.
Back story- my dad and I have never been super close. Mom raised me, got birthday cards calls and visits from Dad. Lived with him for a brief time when I was a teen. Have kept in sporadic touch over the last few years, but started talking again recently ( Holidays of 09) He was all excited about the wedding, wanted to give me away, actually told my brother he couldn’t bc he wanted to (my brother felt it was his place as he was the man of the house growing up, always there, etc. )
Spoke to him a week ago, about wedding and details, sounded really excited to come up and stay the whole weekend and finally meet my youngest (who is 21 months old….)
Calls today, leaved a message, that he urgently needs to talk to me, but nothing major so don’t owrry. I call back his wife answers, and shes acting weird….he gets on the phone and…
IS. NOT. COMING. To my wedding. His wife scheduled an elective hysterectomy for the 9th and so they can’t come. Tried to reschedule but the dr wouldn’t do it. WTF? He just called my mom last night and talked about how excited he was to give me away. Now this. She has a son who lives ten minutes away from her, and can staty with her….this is my dad. My wedding day….and apparently it is just not important to him at all. I don’t know why I am surprised,,,but I am. I really thought he wanted to be there.
So am I a jerk for being upset? It is an outpatient surgery, and elective. Not for cancer or something serious. And they have known about my wedding date for almost a year. So I am just reeling here….what do you think?
I don’t even want to speak to him right now…..
Post # 3
Um… I’m with you. I mean I get that his wife is having major surgery… but if it is truly ELECTIVE why can’t she just skip it and get it done in a few months? I’m so sorry 🙁
Post # 4
You’re not a bridezilla, you’re not out of line–I’d be BEYOND hurt. I don’t know what to say, except that I’m so so sorry. Lots and lots of (((((HUGS)))))
Post # 5
Wow, have you told him how hurt you are? You’re not out of line, of course you’re going to be hurt if your dad isn’t there.
Post # 6
Oh, I am so sorry 🙁 How far away is the place where his wife is having surgery? If it’s not too far, can he at least come be with you for the ceremony and dinner maybe? I just can’t imagine why a surgery that is elective had to be scheduled for that date, or why his wife wouldn’t want him to come be with his daughter. Would it get you anywhere to talk to his wife?
Post # 7
i would be upset too. that’s kind of absurd that they’d schedule the surgery for the same day as your wedding. if it’s not medically urgent, it should be able to be rescheduled, and if the doctor won’t, then with a new doctor or something.
Post # 8
YOU ARE NOT A BRIDEZILLA.
i am appalled that your father, after not being there throughout your growing up; has the nerve to get your hopes up… and let you down yet again.
like you said this is your WEDDING DAY.
i am in disbelief over fathers who don’t play their respective roles in their children’s lives (young or grown, he’s still your dad!)
Post # 9
First of all ((hugs))! I do not think you are at all out of line for being upset. I would be devastated if my father didn’t walk me down the aisle regardless of my relationship with him and if we were close or not.
If there are no other circumstances other than what you’ve told us than I don’t think there is any excuse for him not to be there. They knew about the wedding in advance and shouldn’t have ever agreed to a surgery on that day. She can certainly move it and if not with her doctor than she should go to someone else. She has someone that can stay with her so even if your dad can’t stay for the entire thing, he can at least do the ceremony and the father-daughter dance! Do you have problems with your step-mom that would cause them to act this way and choose her surgery over your wedding? If he was that excited, I wonder if there isn’t something else causing him to cancel?
I would certainly let your father know how upset you are with him and that this may or will have consequences on your relationship (if you think it will or want it to somehow affect it).
I really hope it all works out for you. ((((((((((((((MORE HUGS)))))))))))))))))
Post # 10
wow! im soooo sorry that he did this to you!! you are not out of line. you have every right to be upset and pissed. you’re doing much better than i would have. id have already had a few choice words for her deciding to schedule an elective surgery at that time.
Post # 11
Ouch. Yeah, I’d be all sorts of upset. It’s NOT you. You’re NOT out of line, but he certainly is. You might want to write him a letter outlining exactly why he is out of line.
Post # 12
Whoa, I’d be upset too. I probably would of tweaked on him the first chance I got. I advise against doing that kinda thing, but that is a major blow. I can’t imagine what he’s thinking. And is it even possible for a doctor to not let someone rescehdule a surgery? That doesn’t make sense to me.
Anyway, I’d calm down (as much as is possible) and talk to him again. And I’d tell him how it sounds from your perspective. I haven’t had a father in my life, so its easy for me to say he doesn’t deserve a close relationship with you. But really, if he’s willing to miss one of the biggest days in your life, he might not be capable of the father daughter relationship you deserve.
Post # 13
You have every right to be upset by this.
Can’t believe his wife can’t rely on her son for a few hours, the time your dad does what dads do and be there for their daughter’s wedding…
I am upset for you! Sorry you’re going through this…
Post # 14
I’m so sorry. That is hurtful.
I’m glad, however, you have a loving brother. I’m sure you’re fortunate to have him in your life, since your father really wasn’t.
Post # 15
not a bridezilla at all!!!! What is with his wife scheduling it for that day? As if she didn’t know the date of the wedding? Ridiculous! I would call her Dr myself because I would be so pissed. I am so sorry about this going on, I hope it all works out
Post # 16
Wow. Thank you all so much for the support and words of understanding! I feel better, at the same time worse because it is really sinking in. I haven’t told him anything, except that I was dissappointed and I wish there was something we could do, and I really don’t want to even speak to him again. Like, ever. I think this may just be the thing that puts me over the edge. There really aren’t issues between me and his wife, I don’t know her very well, but we have never had any negativity. The only other thing I can think is that she is causing some sort of issue with him over my mom? My mom is recently widowed (Sept) and i think his wife has always felt a little threatened by her….and now that I know they spoke last night maybe that got her all freaked out. I don’t know. regardless it is utterly insane to me that he is going ot let anything stop him from coming to my wedding. Yes, he got my hopes up, and I had so much fun telling everyone who asked that yes, my dad WAS going to walk me down the aisle. And now another let down from someone who is inordinately good at doing just that. I am in shock, but it is starting to wear off and I am really. really. REALLY angry. And I don’t think talking to him will do anybody any good, I will flip out and at this point I am not sure he cares enough to change anything even if it could be done. He doesn’t deserve me or my family in his life anyway and we are better off. Can you tell I have moved into the REALLY mad stage!?!?