Post # 1
Ok so I have a huge wedding party… dont get me started..anyway one of my very best friends been friends for like 15 years.. is in the wedding..she doesnt seem very excited about stuff when I tell her things shes very blaz’a (spelling) anyways she got married in May and I was excited about her wedding and asked questions etc.. she had no bridal party so i was not in it..she had a very small kinda cookie cutter wedding nothing personalized.. anyways I tell her stuff and she just doesnt say much.. we couldnt get all the girls together for bridesmaids dress shopping but basically i was picking the dress just getting input so the girls that couldnt make it agreed theyd go with whatever I chose..ended up they all loved the dress.. so today I was talking about shoes and she says to me “You should just let us all wear whatever black shoes we already have” Really.. why did that infuriate me so much..I was like what?? A- black shoes would not look right with the blue color.. I am doing teal and purple..half the girls are wearing purple half teal.. picture of the dresses inclosed.. but seriously..old beat up whatever black shoes in my wedding.. I started feeling like maybe that comment shouldnt have made me so annoyed.. but I cant help but think that she just doesnt care about my wedding with that comment..shes been in other weddings she knows what the deal is..and its not about money cause shes always bragging about how much money her husband makes and she doesnt have to work etc etc. so i think maybe I just got so mad because she just isnt putting my thought into it? I dunno..would that have pissed you off?
Post # 3
It would have pissed me off with other types of dresses, but shes right since these are floor length, and no one will see their shoes!
Post # 4
anyway one of my very best friends been friends for like 15 years
you want to throw away 15yrs of friendship because your friend expressed her dislike for having to buy shoes and she isnt into your wedding as much as you are – friendship goes both ways you know
im very very particular about my shoes and due to my shoe size i cant just buy what everyone else is wearing – as the dresses are long i would let your friend have this one, maybe she has a strappy pair at home she already has
Post # 5
Mmmm…yeah, I don’t see what the big deal is. Maybe wedding planning isn’t her thing which is why she doesn’t appear as excited about your wedding as you do. Also, maybe because she’s been in so many other weddings she’s tired of buying a new dress and new shoes she never wears again. And I don’t think black would be that horrible with those dress (new or not) because who will see them?
So no, it wouldn’t have pissed me off.
Post # 6
I think you might a bit stressed and overreacting, there’s nothing wrong with wearing any black shoes, is not what you want? it’s ok, but she made a comment about something she thinks might be practical, she didn’t intended to make you mad. It’s normal for bridesmaids to wear just any X color shoes, so maybe she tought it was worth the shot.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t have been upset. I have a really hard time with shoes (wide feet and high arches) and so I prefer to pick out my own shoes, or else my feet kill me all night. But really she may just not be super excited about these aspects of the wedding. If her wedding was small and not alot of personalization she may not be into the details and doesn’t realize it’s upsetting you that she’s not asking you about your wedding. It doesn’t mean she isn’t happy for you and is trying to ruin your wedding.
Post # 8
It wouldn’t have bothered me at all.
Post # 9
I am pretty into the details but I don’t care what shoes (or jewelry) my girls wear – I want them to be comfortable and feel like themselves, and I also don’t want them to all have to buy new shoes when they’re already buying a dress and traveling for my wedding. With that being said, I would appreciate they wear a neutral or metallic neutral so that their shoes go with the dress. If you don’t plan on having the girls wear black shoes because you don’t feel like it goes with that dress, could you maybe suggest some metallic color she already owns that you’d be okay with her wearing?
Post # 10
You: “Am I bridezilla?”
Me: “Yes, that was very birdezilla”
Explanation: your tone speaks volumes, “her wedding was cookiecutter, nothing personalized” what does that have to do with her not loving the idea of new shoes? Just because you eargerly asked questions about her wedding, doesn’t mean she’s any less of a friend because she’s not eagerly asking questions about yours. Your very poor, negative assumption that everyone has “old, beat up shoes” at “your” wedding is very presumptious of you and false might I add.
Either way, like other posters said, let your friend have this one… as you did overreact on this. Chalk this up to wedding stress, we all get it.
Post # 11
What she suggested is exactly what I did. I had my girls wear any black shoes they wanted and they had shorter dresses. In all honesty your dresses are long and nobody will be looking at their shoes.
Even if you don’t like the idea, I think she was just being helpful. Regardless of how she talks you never really know someones financial situation and she might really not want to spend more money on shoes.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t love somebody to address a comment to me with “you should,” but if the context was a suggestion rather than trying to boss you around, then no, I wouldn’t have been irritated at all.
1. They are wearing floor-length dresses; no one will see the shoes.
2. No one looks at the bridesmaids’ shoes anyway, because no one cares about the bridesmaids’ shoes. Really.
3. The fact that she didn’t have a bridal party means that, although she’s been in other people’s weddings, she herself isn’t into the whole Bridesmaid Thing or even, it sounds like, the Wedding Thing, so I think that explains her lack of interest in your planning and her disinclination to buy a new pair of shoes that she didn’t choose because they go with your ‘vision.’ It doesn’t matter how much money she does or doesn’t have; people still like to have a choice over what they spend their money on.
So, I think it would be best to just let it go. Her lack of interest doesn’t mean that she’s a bad friend or that she’s not thrilled for you, it just means she doesn’t care about wedding details. Those are two completely separate things and it would be sad if you mistook one for the other.
Post # 13
I agree with previous posters, that her lack of interest probably doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not excited for you or your wedding. Maybe you could sit down and have a talk, to get your friendship back on track? It could be that she has something personal going on, or that she got worn out talking weddings since hers was recently? I understand why you’d want her to be equally excited as you were for hers, but maybe she doesn’t have the same way of expressing it.
As for the shoes, it is possible she’s trying to be practical regardless of how much her Darling Husband makes. Shoes that people pick out themselves usually fit better to the individual. Maybe if you don’t like black, you could have everyone get a silver shoe that is comfortable to them? Give it a little time to cool off, and then maybe you could ask her why she wants her black shoes. Either way, it’s not worth damaging a 15 year friendship =)
Post # 14
Yes, you’re being a bridezilla. No one else will care as much about your wedding as you do. Most people don’t really care much past theparty, food and alcohol. Deal with it. You don’t seem to have cared much about her “cookie cutter” wedding that had nothing personalized (Apparently it’s a wedding crime to not spend money on personalized junk that will just be discarded at the end of the evening. Who knew?)
I wear black shoes with dresses/skirts of both of those colors all the time. So not only do black shoes go with those dresses, it’s completely ridiculous of you to freak out over your friend of 15 years trying to save some money. She just dropped at least a few hundred on a dress that she will never wear again. Just because someone isn’t poor doesn’t mean that they are just itching to spend their money on things for other people.
Chill out girl.
Post # 15
Slightly. Its a floor length gown, realistically no one will take any notice of the shoes. I understand you have vision and there isn’t anything wrong with that. But unless your picking up the tab for the shoes, I would try to be a little more flexible. I think after 15 years she deserves the benefit of the doubt. If her personality is to keep things simple for her own day, why would you expect that she be all about the details for yours? I think she’s being pretty consistant. If you have that large of a bridal party, then I’m sure you can find other girls who will gush about your details, she’s just not the one.
Post # 16
I’m not sure if you guys watch Bridezillas, but short of punching the girl in the face or feeding her laxative brownies, I doubt that this adds up to Bridezilla status.
Before you get in a huff about the shoes, I would check out which one she wants to wear. If she brags so much about the money that they have, I’m sure that she probably has a pretty nice pair of black shoes. The dresses are long and as the first poster said, most people won’t even see the shoes.