(Closed) Am I broken? (possible TMI)

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@hiroshymatetrastar:  It could be either emotional or hormonal. I see that you’ve just gone off your HBC- have you replaced it with anything? How long were you on it? It takes a while some times to bounce back from synthetic hormones. How’s your stress level? 

ETA- I realize I’m asking personal questions, feel free to move to PM if you feel more comfortable.

Post # 4
Member
3825 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

try exercise. when i’m not exercising, i feel lazy, unsexy, and i just want to wear my old lady clothes and sleep all the time. when i exercise, i fell more energetic and more in the mood. 

Post # 5
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Are you broken?!  NO!!  There are many reasons that cause lack of sex drive, a lot (or most) can be fixed.  Sometimes with time, sometimes with the help of a doctor, sometimes adding or subtracting meds, etc. 

It could be as simple as the ‘honeymoon’ phase is ‘over’, and although sex is still important and needed, it is not driven by crazy ‘love’ hormones no longer, but rather being in a loving, trusting, and comfortable relationship.

It could be stress related, as I am guessing you are wedding planning.

It coudl be because you just went off BC, and although that helps sometimes, it may hurt it for a bit too.

How you choose to ‘fix’ it from here is up to you, and FH.  It may be as simple as changing it up, or adding more excitement back to the bedroom, to finding new ways to connect outside of the bedroom that will then project back into the bedroom, etc.

I guess no one, or me has answers, but communicate with your FH, and then decide the best course of action πŸ™‚ Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

How old are you?

 

We are currently going through this. I’m 35.  I don’t feel it’s age or hormones. I feel it’s emotional. We are both struggling with intimacy crap because honestly, getting engaged and married is the highest form of intimacy with another human being.

 

We are going easy on each other. Fiance and I talk about it a lot. We are open about it. We are also in pre-martial counseling and we discuss it there, too. We both have hope. And we both want it. It’s just “stuff” that’s happening. We trust each other enough to know it will be ok. This isn’t permanent.

Post # 8
Member
954 posts
Busy bee

Are you stressed?  Stress can be a huge libido killer!

Post # 12
Member
3779 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@hiroshymatetrastar:  My soul-sister! I think most men just crave it constantly, and most women are not programmed that way. FH and I are EXACTLY the same. Nympho stage for the first few months, then I drop off. Yes, I still want sex… I just don’t NEED it all the time. FH on the other hand would be perfectly content if we did it every hour of every day. I’ve found a little trick that makes me want it more. When he pops into my head during the work day, I’ll text him 4 words. “Wanna do it tonight?” Of course he says yes. Then that makes me think about it all day. Then of course I want it! Cosmo says “To increase your sex drive, have more sex.” That sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s really not. We’re not doing it every day, but me asking him and initiating it takes the pressure off of me (feeling like I HAVE to do it because he asked) and makes me enjoy it more. Plus, he LOVES it when I initiate and that in and of itself makes me feel MUCH sexier. 

Post # 14
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@hiroshymatetrastar:  Like the other ladies have said it could be any number of reasons, so don’t worry, just keep trying different things and eventually you’ll find something.

My advice… Try not to worry about not having sex. Lots of times when my Fiance and I are really busy or stressed we wont do it and we’ll say “hey we haven’t done it in a while, let’s do it tonight” then bedtime rolls around and we’re yet again too tired to get it on. But that’s not a bad thing, that’s just life. …Sometimes we schedule it in… and we make it a priority (as sex as scheduling is, i know) and sometimes we “force” ourselves to do it. Lots of times once you start making out you get into it and then afterwards you think “why have we waited so long to do that!?”

The other thing that I would recommend is a marriage prep course. My Fiance and I did a weekend workshop and didn’t really think we’d get a whole lot out of it. But that weekend we were both so lovey-dovey and horny and touchy feely and it was wonderful! It forces you to make time for eachother and talk about things that you normally don’t get into specifics about. For example, that last exersize on the last day was we had to face each other and ask “why do you want to get married?” then ther other would have to try and shoot holes in their partner’s answer and ask them again… the result was that we both realized that we love each other so much that we want to be a part of each other, we want to become a single unit etc etc…. That closeness really got to me and I almost cried during the exercise. That night we had an impromtu romantic date and were back in a “honeymoon” phase for the next few weeks. We’ve even decided to do a counselling “check-up” every couple of years or so.

Whatever you do, stop stressing about it, keep making an effort to work it out, and eventually you guys will click sexually again. 

Post # 15
Member
3779 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@hiroshymatetrastar:  There are still times I just don’t feel like doin’ it. On those nights, I’m honest and I’ll just tell him “I’ll play with you.” He’d rather do it, but at least he gets something πŸ™‚

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