Am I committing a huge faux pas at baby shower??

posted 1 year ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
7413 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’d side eye the heck out of 100 people at a baby shower. Tell your mom she’s worried about the wrong thing looking rude. It doesn’t matter if that’s how her social circle does things, since the guest list goes way beyond just the social circle.

Post # 32
1368 posts
Bumble bee

Horseradish :  Why would it look rude? OP said that both she and her husband have big families. What if they both have 4 siblings each, all of whom are married with a few kids? That adds up fast, and it doesn’t look rude that all the siblings and their families are invited. I’ve seen Mormon families with a helluva lot more immediate family than that…

Post # 33
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2000

n00bee :  we had 2 baby showers out of 4.and one we opened gifts there the other we waited and sent thank you note to all who attended..

the first I did what my mom said and opened them there which I guess was alright but for me I always over think everything and when my second baby shower ( we did one for each gender) Came  I personally wanted to open the gifts later because first off what is someone couldn’t afford a gift I hate the idea of someone coming to celebrate a new life and feeling terrible because they couldn’t afford a gift..

second reason was because I hate attention like that 😉

baby showers were terrible for me because of my issues with attention but I did it because they were thrown by people who love me and my husband and kiddos 😉

so I personally think if you want to open them later definitely do it .

Post # 34
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

DeniseSecunda :  Agreed…showers with 100ish people are not uncommon in my family circle. I have a big fat Greek family and it’s normal for the whole village to show up at a shower. I dunno why it’s so hard for some bees to understand that just cause something would look odd in their circle, it might be totally normal in others. It’s the same with lots of wedding etiquette stuff like cash bars (huge faux pas in many parts of the U.S., but totally normal in other places like the UK).

Post # 35
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I say definitely skip it. I hate opening gifts in front of people, and feel super awkward when people do it in front of me, also it puts a halt in the party.

I think if a specific handful of people want to see you open their gift then they can pull you aside at a certain moment and you can do it on a case by case basis.

Post # 36
1395 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I’ve been to two baby showers, and the one with 100ish people took over 2 hours to open all the gifts! Everyone was quite bored.

Skip the gift opening. I don’t know anyone who actually enjoys watching it, and I think showers (both bridal and baby) would be a lot more enjoyable without it.

Post # 37
798 posts
Busy bee

If you don’t open them there then you NEED to say thank you when you do open them. I got a (now ex) friend a birthday present for her little boys first birthday, I spent ages picking out a beautiful outfit, when I gave it to her she didn’t say thank you, she just said she would open it when she got home and I don’t know what’s happened because that was a month ago and I’ve never even received acknowledgment of it at all. She’s an ex friend because of more reasons but That was the last straw if I’m honest.

Post # 38
5112 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I bigger co-ed party baby showers I’ve been to haven’t opened gifts at the shower, they just sent thank you notes after the fact. I prefer that.

Post # 39
12127 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’ve gotten flack for this opinion on this site in the past, but your biggest problem is in ever agreeing to a shower for 100 guests. These events are traditionally supposed to be intimate and low key, hosted by friends for your nearest and dearest. Multiple, non-overlapping smaller showers for different groups would be much more appropriate. Just because other people have done it, or it is common in some families to have these monster showers doesn’t make it etiquette appropriate. 

Since the entire purpose of a shower is to give and open gifts, and the fact that some people are bored by showers notwithstanding, it would again be rude etiquette to skip the gift opening part. If people are so put off by showers or the activities typical of them, they shouldn’t attend. 

Post # 40
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We had a co-ed baby shower (at a bar- we’re pretty non-traditional) and did not open gifts save 1 that someone specifically asked us to open, so we did.  I think you should just do what feels right- and enjoy 🙂  I will say, when I sent my thank you notes, I just made sure to specifically mention what people had given us so at least they knew we were paying a little bit of attention when we finally got around to opening gifts 🙂  Congratulations!

Post # 41
2813 posts
Sugar bee

I️ hate gift opening part of the shower- and after lots of showers all gifts become the same- clothes, toys, gear. Yay it’s a blanket, yay it’s a shampoo set, yay it’s a onesie. Ugh. In our circle, no one opens gifts at babyshowers and guests are very happy drinking wine and socializing. Ppl don’t open gifts at weddings, they open them later and send a thank you card. 

Post # 42
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@weddingmaven, but why does what’s “etiquette appropriate” according to Emily Post or whomever trump local customs or family traditions? If the norm in one’s circle is a large shower with the whole village in attendance and that’s what everyone expects and the hosts want to offer, then what’s the problem? Etiquette imo isn’t the be all end all. It’s nice to have it as a guide, but sometimes traditional etiquette and family customs conflict and that’s ok. 

Post # 43
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Another vote to skip it with that many people. A shower I went to recently actually opted to have a display table for gifts. The invite asked that you not wrap it so it could be displayed for everyone to see and it would allow the mom-to-be more time to visit with everyone. Invitations may have already gone out so that wouldn’t work in this case though. 

You may have some older folks upset by it but knowing my Mother-In-Law, grandmother, etc, if it seemed as though the party were wrapping up and gifts weren’t being opened they’d come up and ask you to open it before they left. Those that’ll be sticklers about it would likely do that. Either way, if they’re annoyed, they’ll hopefully get over it quickly, especially once there is a sweet baby here to love on. 

Post # 44
755 posts
Busy bee

n00bee :  Not opening gifts would techinically be a breach of “traditional American” etiquette, so you are going to get grilled on this website from the etiquette police.

Maybe you could find a way to display all the gifts you received ahead of time (ex. display table), and then open the ones you receive at the party. Perhaps you could even ask people who are going to the shower not to wrap presents so that you can just display them.

I think that that having displays of gifts is a good compromise between people who don’t want to sit throught he present opening and the people who feel entitled to know what you got and will be upset otherwise. Personally, I think that as long as you talk to each person at the party and thank them for attending and their gift(s) then you are not being rude, no matter how many people there are.

Post # 45
755 posts
Busy bee

tiffanybruiser :  Exactly with what you said to weddingmaven. 100%.

I’m not sure why everyone on this website assumes we are all WASP/traditional Americans. Even the Americans who look “white” may not be, for example I’m Eastern European and enough of my culture’s values are actually at odds with the “traditional WASP American” values that a lot of posters on this website hold up as the end-all-be-all.

It’s mind-boggling that a lot of people on this website are not open-minded enough to realize that not everyone does things the “traditional WASP American” way. It’s ethnocentrism at its finest.

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