(Closed) am I crazy?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
773 posts
Busy bee

Well, there are two issues that I noticed in your post.


1) You and your fiance NEVER do anything separately?  That seems kind of odd.  I think it’s really important that you each have your own lives and do things apart from each other.  I’m not saying every night, but every once in a while, it’s nice to get apart from each other and just be around other people on your own.


2) Your fiance’s friends invited him to go to something he had already been talking about going to with you.  Then his friends said that you couldn’t go?  My fiance’s friends would NEVER not include me in anything if he wanted me to come along, and I think it’s incredibly rude of them to be that way, esp since you and your fiance wanted to go together.  Now, in this particular case I think the right thing for your fiance to do is go with you since you obviously want to go,  In other circumstances, I would say you should probably let him hang out with his friends but in these circumstances it sounds like his friends are being jerks.


I hope that made some sense, I feel like I was kind of rambling… 

Post # 4
596 posts
Busy bee

I’m confused, you mentioned that it would be weird for you two to go separately because it’s not something you enjoy doing or like to do.  In that case, do you just want to go to the beer convention to spend time with your FI?  I might suggest finding another activity to spend time with him and let him have his "guy time" together.

On the other hand, it was pretty rude of the friend to want to intentionally exclude you!  Did your Fiance tell him that the two of you were planning on going together?  If I misunderstood and you really do want to go to the beer convention, Fiance and friend should find another time either before or after the convention to hang out and the two of you can go to the convention together alone.  

Post # 5
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I guess I Read it differently. I thought you were saying you didn’t want to go separately because  its kinda like why go separately if you are headed to the same place? I think that sentence has us all confused…

Anyway, do you have a girlfriend who might be interested in going? That way you could all "go" but the two of you can wander off together and let the boys be boys.

Post # 7
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Okay, lots of details so here’s my understanding. YOu and your Fiance made a plan, and then he got excited b/c a friend of his he rarely sees could be included.  But said friend already had other plans, and they didn’t include bringing GFs/FIs.  Sounds like your Fiance really needs to be assertive here and say to his friend, "Look, I wanna hang out with you, and I’ve already committed to doing this with my Fiance who really wants to do this too.  Let’s make it a co-ed thing.  If that won’t work, why don’t I go with my Fiance and we join you for a beer or two at some point."  The conflict here is that you want to go to this thing that’s kind of limited time, and he wants to see his friend who isn’t in town often.  This could maybe solve both?

OTOH, why is it silly for him to go with you again separately?  I mean, beer’s good any day of the week, right?  That might give him the chance to fully catch up with his friend, and for you guys to enjoy tasting beer the way you want to without awkward social interactions.

Post # 8
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

If it were me, I’d just let him go.  It’s a friend he doesn’t see often and it’s important to get some quality time in with friends separately, I think.  It’s not that you’re not wanted.  Even though you had gotten really excited for the beer convention, it might be better to just let it go.  You get your Fiance for the rest of your life and could go again on a different day together, but his friends see him a lot less.  If you were in his position, how would you feel?  If neither of you never does a guys night/ girls night thing, it looks like this might be a good opportunity to start!  🙂  It can really be a great thing to do.

Post # 9
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You got a lot of different opinions here. I agree with fizicsGirl. 

I think your Fiance should tell his friends that he wants to bring you and you two were planning to go together. At a certain point you get past boys stuff/ girls stuff and yes, you can do separate things, but when a big, fun, beer convention comes along and you discussed going together, then you should go together and you can hang out with his friends as well.

You should reiterate to your Fiance that you two had plans and see if he can discuss opening the group with his friend who’s putting the boys only rule on it, that you’ll all have more fun if you go all go together. BUT if that seems like too much trouble I’d let it go. 

Post # 10
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it would irk me the most if my Fiance and I had made plans, then he had said he was going with a friend and I wasn’t welcome! I’d be like, "hey what about me? You can’t just trade me in for a friend you want to go with"

I don’t think it’d be weird to go to the same place separately. Sometimes I do stuff as a "group" ish with my Fiance. We go to one location, but i have dinner with the girls, he has dinner with the guys and we meet up at the end of the night…even if it’s the same places. 

Post # 11
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Is this beer convention local to you? If I were you I would still go to the convention with the guys and then have them drop you off afterwards then they go do their other guy stuff. Because I would want to go to the convention too! Although we went to one, one year and it was kinda lame. Lines were SUPER long. Majority of it was a bunch of idiots getting drunk not really there to appreciate the brews.

Good Luck!

Post # 12
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

As some of the others have said, since you and your fiance had already talked about going to this event together before he spoke to his friend about it, etiquette really says that you and your guy should still go together. I’m on board with fizicsgirl here – go with your guy but meet up with his buddy for a beer or two at the convention if his friend is unwilling to budge on the "no girls allowed" angle.

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