(Closed) Am I crazy?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry, but I agree that you should wait until you are officially engaged before planning anything.

Post # 4
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hmm I would talk to your SO and see what he thinks about it. I personally did some planning before we were actually engaged. We had set a date, and told me I could start my planning and he had bought the ring he just took 3 LONG months to wait for the “perfect” moment to propose!! Im glad he did though. It really was perfect. So we had vendors booked before we were officially engaged. We did this because our date in our area is popular 11-11-11. We wanted to pick where we wanted, and not just based on avalibility.

Post # 6
384 posts
Helper bee

I don’t see anything wrong with looking into it, but definitely don’t commit any $$ at this point.  A girl can dream anytime she pleases.  And planning ahead is always a good thing.


Post # 9
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

i guess my concern would be that these venues aren’t going to let you book without some kind of deposit to hold the date – and then that money is hanging out there still awaiting an engagement

however, if you’ve talked to your SO and he says its “totally normal” to do this, then i would move forward with the planning – i don’t think it takes a ring to be “officially engaged” – planning a wedding is an engagement in itself, and no piece of jewelry is going to “flip the switch” to engaged

i would just be wary about doing anything behind his back, or without his knowledge – its important that you be on the same page

Post # 10
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My Fiance had looked at places and done a little secret research before I proposed, but we had already talked about getting married plenty and had a general timeframe for the engagement (not until she finished that semester of school since I wanted her to be done with college so she didn’t have more to worry about).

She was the one who told me how far in advance you often need to book things for weddings and, since we had picked out a pseudo-date for the potential wedding, we went ahead and talked to and put down a deposit on the reception location we wanted a couple months before I actually proposed.

From then on we both shared in secret research, even though I still refused to propose until the semester ended.

Though there was no ring on her finger, after plenty of discussion we both knew that that’s what we wanted and did it together (she talked to the people, I wrote the check).

I suggest that if you really want to reserve a place and you’re very adamant about that date, talk to him before doing it. Make sure that, even though you’ve talked plenty about the hypothetical wedding, you’re both in it together. Otherwise, wait until after the proposal and be flexible with your timeline.

Post # 11
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


My opinion is that if you two have decided between you to get married, you’re engaged, whether you’ve done an “official” proposal with ring, engagement party, and announcements, or not. (Isn’t that what an engagement is? Two people who’ve decided to get married?)

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with booking a venue and beginning planning once you guys have agreed that you’re going to get married. You’ve already talked about guest lists and have picked a date (depending on venue availability). It really doesn’t get more engaged than that, jewelry or no.

If you’re afraid he’s not sincere, check with the venue on their refund policy. I think underlying much of the “don’t plan until you have a ring” edict is that he’s less likely to back out, leaving you on the hook for deposits and public humiliation, if you’ve got a couple grand in collateral on your finger.

Post # 12
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I think you should wait til your engaged- you do not HAVE to get married next year- let everything work itself out in its own time. You can always get married in 2013 in your desired season if things books up before then. Don’t rush the engagement- this is the time to take it all in and enjoy it.

Post # 14
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Also- I had my fiance come with me to book the venue- if you are doing this all completely by yourself with his agreement, then no. Wait til you have the ring. I am sure it is on its way if he is serious about you.

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