(Closed) am i crazy?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Couples have a year to send thank you cards – they’ve probably not sent any thank you’s out yet.  We are sending thank yous to everyone who attends our wedding, whether they give a gift or not, as everyone is travelling.

Post # 4
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

you’re definitely not crazy to expect a thank you! anytime you give a wedding gift, regardless of what gift it is, a thank you is an expected response. i could understand the May couple not getting thank yous out yet (it hasn’t even been 3 months yet if they got married in mid to late June) but the February couple has obviously had plenty of time! you’re like me – thank yous will be a top priority after our wedding. probably because my mother put such a huge importance on thank yous. she always remembered whether she got a thank you or not, but often forgot many of the details of the wedding itself 🙂

Post # 5
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

From what I have read, a couple has three months (not one year) to send thank yous.  Yes, they should send a thank you for every gift.  Guests on the other hand, have one year to send a gift.

Post # 6
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I already know the answer to this I’m sure, but have the cashed the checks? It’s so bad to cash the check and not to have sent a thank you note. I can excuse the May wedding…maybe, but the February couple is way too late.

Post # 8
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

technically they do have up to a year, but more and more you read that you should do them ASAP, or no more than 3 months.  Guests also have up to a year to send gifts.  Honestly, you should be doing them as soon as you get back from your honeymoon.  I went to a wedding last october, traveled across the country, gave them 2 gifts, and still haven’t received a thank you.  Now that is tacky….actually, none of us on our side of the family ever got one.  But the bride is snotty and rude, so whatever.  for our wedding only the groom could come (my cousin), and he didn’t bring a gift.  He kept saying he was going to mail it, and so when he never did and I was writing out my thank you’s, I sent him a thank you for coming….I got the gift from them a couple weeks later.  This couple didn’t go around and greet everyone, forgot to tell my grandmother about being in pictures, etc….it was a horrible wedding, and we werent’ even thanked.  So, yeah – you send them out ASAP….otherwise its rude.

Post # 9
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Our wedding was July 12th; we just finished the thank you notes this weekend (for a guest list of 186).  It’s not that hard; you just have to make it a priority – our goal was to do 4 or 5 each night – that’s just two each, and you can get that done during the commercials in a one-hour TV show.  And we sent thank you notes to everyone who sent a gift, a check, a gift card, or even just a card saying "congratulations," as well as to everyone who attended the wedding, whether we got a gift from them or not.

You should definately have gotten a thank you by now.  However, as previously said, some people are just rude/badly brought up.  We attended weddings or sent gifts in the past year for three couples, none of whom ever bothered to send any kind of thank you.  There’s really no excuse, IMO.

Post # 10
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

they should absolutely have thanked you.  we agreed from the outset that we would send a thank you card to everyone who attended either ceremony or reception just to thank them for coming!  as it was, we got a gift or cheque from every family, so everyone was thanked both for sharing our day and for their gift.

Post # 11
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Guests have 1 year to give a gift, receivers have 3 months to send a thank you! 

Post # 12
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

that is annoying they had the time to deposit the check, but not to write a thank you card.  You are not crazy…that would bother me too.  Also, as I am planning my own wedding I know I would REALLY appreciate a cash gift.

I know sometimes gifts and cards can get separated making it confusing for a couple to figure out who to thank, but obviously that’s not the case with a check!

Post # 13
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

It would bother me if the couple sent out thanks yous to other people but left me out.  I agree that it’s good to send out the notes asap – one you cross one thing off the checklist of TODos and also as a courtesy to your guests.  I always like the idea of including a picture of the married couple.  My wedding was in June and I have yet to see my proofs… so the thank you notes are on hold until we get the pictures!   Maybe the couple is waiting for that as well?

Post # 15
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I think you should definitely expect a thank you.  However, I know things happen in people’s lives and they may not have had a chance to work on it.  I had my wedding in May and feel bad that I haven’t had a chance to get my thank you cards out but I had to wait to get pics from the photographer to even make a thank you card.  Plus, we just purchased a condo so any free time has been used to move, buy furniture and such.  Additionally, it is busy season for me at work so I’ve been working from 9 am to 10 pm every night and my husband hasn’t had much better timing.  So while I do think 6 months is a little much, give them some slack, they may just be busy. 

Post # 16
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding 14 months ago.  I flew to her b-ette and paid for some things – no thank you card.  I flew to her shower (a different weekend than b-ette) – no thank you card.  I flew to her engagement celebration (a different weekend) – no thank you.  I took two days off of work to fly across the country for her wedding and brought a gift – no thank you.  Four roundtrip flights, three gifts, one $350 bridesmaid dress – no thank you. 

This is not because my good friend (and now bridesmaid) is rude (or not thankful).  She is neither of those things.  She was also raised very well and is a very good person.  She was just very busy – and now I think she is paralyzed.  We all have things we’ve been meaning to do (or people we’ve been meaning to call) and at some point so much time is passed you feel guitly doing it so late – so that makes it easier to just not do it at all.  She came to visit me this Spring and treated me to a lovely massage (as I’m now engaged) and I sent her a thank you the day she left – and she called the day she received it and said how much better I was than her bc I sent a card (and to complement my lovely letterpressed card).  But this is partially me, not her.  I love cards – choose them, buy them, write them, send them… I love it!

I don’t feel unappreciated because she didn’t send a card.  If anything, I feel bad for her because I’ve had things on my to-do list for over a year and it feels like bricks on my shoulders – and I know that right now every time she gets a thank you card from me (or worse, she didn’t make it to my bachelorette) she feels bad – and I don’t want anyone to feel bad.  

That being said, if this weren’t my dear friend, she wouldn’t be getting this unconditional love.  There are other people who "owe us" a thank you that I need to remind myself to think kinder thoughts about. 🙂 

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