Am I crazy?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
6847 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Blayne N. Bradford :  Oh, Bee. I’m a divorced mom with children as well. What’s done is done but I never would have pulled up roots and moved my children across the country for a man unless we were married–not just engaged, but married. 

What are your options here? Can you move back? 

Post # 3
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

Children are involved now on both sides so you have to try not to be impulsive (move out immediately), like it would be an option if it was just you and him. But also with that said, you have to be a role model to all the children.  I said to my now fiance when I first moved in with him and his kids, I didnt want to be a live in girlfriend who wanted more forever because what would that show his daughter or son? The children should see value in self respect.  I think given your situation you need to express that this is something you want and what the plan (if any) is to get there. Be serious about it .  He may assume since you both are divorced there is not any hurry to jump back into a marriage.  I’d start to form a plan together with him and if he’s not into it or sees that in the future- you BOTH, plan a reasonable exit.  Everyone deserves to be happy, children need their adults to be happy as well to experience full love all around.  Whatever decision you make bee will be the best one.  Good luck. 

Post # 4
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You’re both divorced, why are you so eager to jump back into a marriage?  Something like 70% of second marriages also end in divorce. What’s wrong with just being a cohabitating couple with a family? Also, getting married doesn’t make his kids not hate you and won’t make you not hate them.  

Post # 6
Member
6847 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Blayne N. Bradford :  You’ve given up your career to become his (unpaid, I assume?) nanny with none of the legal/financial protections of marriage, something that impacts your children as well. At the very least can you work out some sort of contract protecting your family’s interests?

Post # 7
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Blayne N. Bradford :  I guess I’m not clear on what is happening here… you moved across the country to move in with him and he is acting disinterested? This does not sound promising.

Post # 8
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

Blayne N. Bradford :  You moved fast!  How did your children’s father feel about you up and moving his kids across the country?  I’m a single mom in a relationship for 12 years and as my screen name says, I’m not anxious to marry.  When I do, it’ll be when my kids are grown and on their own.  I am not willing to chance putting them in an uncomfortable environment.  Your kids need to be your number priority right now.  How did they feel moving across country away from their school etc????  Once we become parents, it’s our responsibility to always put our children first.  Forget about this guy and do what’s right for your kids.  I’m sure it’s not too much fun for them living with his kids and watching them be disrespectful to their mother.

Post # 9
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Blayne N. Bradford :  I don’t blame you, I would be exceedingly frustrated. Men, and I guess women too really, have a tendency to say anything to get what they want. I had a friend who started seeing a married man. He put the moves on her and she initially rejected, until he started telling her he was gonna leave his wife for her and they were already in the process of separating and blah blah blah. So she bought it and they were essentially just having sex, but she thought it was more because of the lines he was feeding her. Long story short, two years later he never left his wife and she ended up heartbroken.  I think you should put yourself and your kids first, whatever that means to you. If you don’t mind the situation he’s put you in, stay.  If you do mind, leave.  Easier said than done though. 

Post # 15
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

Blayne N. Bradford :  So their dad is a deadbeat and your last husband abused them.  Even more reason not to up and move them across country to live with another man.  Your track record in picking men is 0 for 3. Your picker is broken. Your kids need you, their mom to be invested in them 100%.  Forget the man issues and focus on your kids!!  Your poor kids need to be in a stable secure environment, not where their mom is wondering where her life is going and if a man is going to be committed enough to marry her.  Everything you’re questioning right now, should have been questioned before you uprooted your children and moved them away from extended family & friends.  Focus all your energy on your kids.

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