Am I Crazy? Feel Uncomfortable knowing certian people are attending wedding

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Honestly, there’s going to be enough going on that day that you don’t have to notice them if you don’t want to.  There’s no reason that you can’t just say hello, move on, and never speak to them again.  By worring about them, you are giving them power over you, and that’s something you don’t need on your wedding day.  

 

I have anxiety too, and also hate all eyes on me, what helps for me is focusing on my FH.  It’s a day about us and celebrating our new lives together, so if I focus on him, I don’t always think about everybody else.

Post # 3
Member
1224 posts
Bumble bee

I can understand how you feel. The key is confidence. You are who you are, and who you are makes you happy. Your fiance loves you for who you are and you make him happy. They will see that love and happiness in the day of your wedding and that’s all that should matter. Even if they judge, who cares – being someone else, having a different kind of wedding is not what you want and this day is all about you. 

I think you are over thinking it, and everything will be fine!

Post # 4
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

Honey, you just be YOU and rock it on your wedding day!

I try to think of it this way: it’s not my business how other people choose to spend their money. You never know – maybe they’re showing off their expensive purses and shoes, but they could be drowning in credit card debt, and there’s a good chance they’re spending money showing off just because they actually have zero self-esteem. They’re probably just as anxious as you, if not more so, deep down. 

I wore a $100 sample wedding gown on my wedding day, with $20 worth of jewelry from a discount store, and my only splurge was the $150 shoes which I will wear again. No debt, no regret. 

Post # 5
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I know first hand that with anxiety it’s a lot easier said than done. But seriously, focus on you and your fiancé. It’s the first day of the rest of your lives together and it’s going to be an amazing day. The day will also go by so fast you won’t even notice too much who is there and what not. Enjoy, look at the positives not the negatives!

Post # 6
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

Be confident in your pony tail and flip-flops! I know I am. I have a giant flip flop tan and my favorite shorts are the ones I make out of my friend’s husband’s pants that he got too fat for. The pockets stick out the bottom because they’re huge. I love huge pockets. I don’t give half a crap what it looks like. A lot of the time it’s the girls who have to have designer everything who are the insecure ones. You do you, enjoy yourself, and rock it. Who cares what they think? Who cares if they’re there?

Post # 7
Member
10332 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You will barely notice them! We only had around 65 guests at our wedding and didn’t have enough time to spend with most of them beyond saying a quick “Hi, thanks for coming” We spent the majority of our time with the wedding party and immediate family. Plus, there’s just so much going on it’s hard to take too much notice of any of your guests.

Post # 8
Member
4691 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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futremrswhite17 :  I totally understand how you feel. I have a sister who’s husband’s friends all married those type of girls. Everytime my sister hosts a function and these girls are invited I’m always extra careful about my appearance because I hate the up and down stares they give you. The funny part is that none of these girls came from any kind of family that had the dosh or lifestyle to be able to drop money on designer stuff…. so I don’t understand their judgement of others over designer threads. Ironically I’m certain hubby and I are more financially comfortable than they are yet they think the opposite just because I choose not to buy into the whole designer brand thing…

Easier said than done but try to enjoy your day and don’t worry about these girls. Concentrate on the people there who love and support you for who you are.

Post # 9
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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futremrswhite17 :   I’m a flip flop person too.  LOL  

I can relate, for sure.  At our wedding there were three women (DH’s relatives) who are totally stunning and usually decked out in designer clothes and jewelry.   I am, at best, plain.  In the months ahead of the wedding I fretted a bit about it, but on the day, I totally forgot all my worries.  I hope you will too!   

Post # 10
Member
3444 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

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futremrswhite17 :  My daily attire outside of work are jeans, t-shirts and flip flops. I don’t bother with make-up bc I’m clueless on how to apply it. I pay attention to my eyebrows, run a brush through my hair then tame my edges and thats about it. My wedding and reception dresses are the only dresses I own. lol One of my sisters on the other hand requires a full face of paint and heels for a quick dash to the grocery store. We respect one anothers individuality. 😊 Don’t worry about the other ladies. You will look absolutely beautiful and probably won’t even have time to notice them.

Post # 12
Member
2314 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

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futremrswhite17 :  So I used to have pretty gnarly stage fright, and still have intense social anxiety. We’re keeping the wedding really small, as part of all that.

One thing that really helped me was realizing two things: 1) Most people are pretty much paying attention to their own internal drama and not as tuned in to other people as we think. 2) Even when they are paying attention, most people are rooting for you and want you to do well.

A lot of people use clothing as armor. If they feel the need to wear designer clothes and be perfectly dressed at every occasion, it might be that they like the feeling of protection those labels can provide. People who maybe aren’t as self-assured sometimes dress with the specific intent of using clothes as shorthand for what they want people to believe about them. It could well be they admire your ability to be relaxed enough to wear whatever you like and not be so concerned about what other people are thinking. 

Whatever the case, if they have been nice to you, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt. Most people will want nothing more for you on your wedding day than to feel the most beautiful you ever have. And nothing says you have to say more than a polite hello before heading off to be surrounded by people you’re more comfortable with.

(((hugs))) 

Deep breaths. You’ll be lovely, and okay. Promise.

Post # 13
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Reminds me of a conversation my husband & I had about his ex. She had this put- on,  kind of uppity way of talking but I know she comes from a very poor background . He says she started talking like that a few years ago when she started working for a rich family in their business, trying to pose as “high-class”. I don’t think she knows how ridiculous she sounds. Everyone who knows her (we live in the same area she grew up in) knows she barely has a high school diploma & makes about 30k a year. Those things are fine, so why pretend you’re something you’re not? She’s 40, btw. It’s not like she’s a teenager. Posers gonna pose. 

Post # 14
Member
3895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
futremrswhite17 :  Before the wedding, I felt the same way at certain points. The entire week leading up to the wedding, I randomly burst into tears at least half a dozen times over one thing or another: I felt like it was going to be awkward, what if everyone thought our ceremony (written by me) was stupid, what if people didn’t like all the weird little quirks we added, what if there were a bunch of awkward gaps, etc. I kept agonizing over what people were going to think that I finally realized I was zapping the fun out of it for myself. Who cares if my bitchy SIL thought my ceremony was stupid? She’s stupid. 

The day of arrived and all of the anxiety, awkwardness, nervousness just evaporated, like it wasn’t even there. As the day progressed, there was simply no more time to worry about it. My advice: Try to relax and let yourself fall into the moment. I can’t tell you not to worry now, because you will. You are going to worry about a whole host of stupid crap. And after the wedding is over, you’re going to wish you hadn’t wasted your energy on it. 

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