(Closed) Am I crazy for being upset?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think you’re being crazy at all. I think that a Destination Wedding is something that people have to be careful with – if your FAMILY can’t afford to attend, then to me, it’s not worth it. My Fiance and I thought about it but essentially decided that we didn’t want to put our families in that position. So, in that aspect I totally get why you and your Fiance are upset by this.

I’m not sure how I’d handle it, besides being pretty irritated with the sibling… If it were my brothers, I’d be like “UH huh, you paying?” Lol. But I don’t know what to tell you. :/ Sorry. ((hug))

What does your Fiance want to do??

Post # 4
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe just tell his brother that unless he’s paying, your Fiance can’t make the Destination Wedding but you can surely make the local one.  I don’t think your Fiance needs to be at both of them, you know?  What would be the point, since they are going to recreate the whole wedding at the local reception, anyway?

Post # 7
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@AmandaY: I guess if it’s not important to them, then you can’t force it on them. Maybe they just want an intimate wedding and don’t want to word it like that, and are then trying to make that possible by making it unaffordable?

Of course I see your view, because I think the same way. Family is more important than a fancy destination to me. But, I suppose to some it’s not or they have a vision of how they want to incorporate family differently.

Post # 8
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can sorta understand why you’re upset, but at the same time, you can’t really be mad at people for having the wedding that they want.  I think that it’s good that they’re having an at home reception for those that aren’t able to make it…  if they really want to have it somewhere else, why deprive them of that? 

I tend to favor more on the side of the wedding day being about what the bride and groom want than what’s convenient for others though… for some people, their wedding is more about their family and friends.. and there’s nothing wrong with that either.

ETA: I may also be biased because I plan to have a destination wedding with an at home reception as well… it’s just what my SO & I want.  We could easily have the whole shebang here in Atlanta… but that’s not what we want.

Post # 9
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would be upset as well!

Why do the want to “reannact” the wedding? I think that is crazy!

If you guys can’t afford it then that is just how it is…eventhough it stinks he will have to miss his brothers wedding 🙁

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i dont think this is about them not having respect for you, but people are entitled to have their wedding how they want it.  doesnt mean you dont have the right to feel upset for your Fiance not being able to attend but people make choices with whats available to them and if your Fiance cant go then thats how it is. 

you dont mention your Future Brother-In-Law Fiance, maybe something on her side prompted the destination wedding and again, thats a choice they made for themselves

 

Post # 12
Member
14403 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m with MsFoxxy here too.  You can’t fault Future Brother-In-Law and his Fiance for having the wedding they want.  If the destination is more important than having your Fiance there, then thats their decision.  But they if they are having a reception back home, at least he can go to that.  What if Fiance just went to the wedding on his own if money is tight.  It’s still over a year away, could he just get a part time job to save up for the flight and crash with his parents down there?

Post # 13
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Okay, if I’m understanding, it sounds like they wanted to do the wedding in June, but you guys asked them not to do it then because of the cost of your own wedding.  Then they decided to do a destination wedding with a home reception afterwards.  It sounds like they are only really concerned about your Fiance attending the home reception if they brought that up when you again brought up the expense of their wedding.  I wonder if they decided it was less important to include the family who can’t afford to go to the destination as a reaction to you guys weighing in on their original plan. 

Either way, I would try to focus on your own wedding.  Obviously, you can only attend what you can afford and they seem to recognize that.  I can’t imagine they like continually hearing that their plans are too expensive for you. 

Post # 14
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

While I can see why you are upset, I think it is a little off mark. For some people a wedding is a very personal thing and it is not important to them if there are others there to share it.  They may have other personal reasons for wanting a Destination Wedding.  Maybe the bride has people she doesn’t want there?  As far as affording it, maybe the brides parents are paying.  It really isn’t your business how their wedding is being paid for.

I can completely understand why you and your Fiance would be upset about not being able to attend their wedding due to money.  I also understand how there can me hurt feelings and maybe a bit of competitiveness when two siblings are getting married at the same time (I know it pained me when my husbands brother proposed to his girlfriend after being together for less than a year, while my husband (bf at time) had been together for 6 or 7 years and we still weren’t engaged…but I soon realized it was THEIR life to live and we were living ours).  It sounds like your husband needs to call his brother and have an adult conversation about how he feels about missing the “real” wedding due to finances and much he wishes he could be there.  He can explain that while he has a year to save and plan for it, it just wont be feasible due to the cost of your upcoming wedding.  While it is not ideal, maybe the two of you can save enough to send just your FI?

Post # 15
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@eloping: I agree!

It doesn’t look like this is going to be easy for you guys, but I doubt that they are doing it on purpose. They are making plans for them, just like you are making plans for you. Make the best of it and focus on your big day.

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