- 5 months ago
Hi all! First time poster, long time lurker, as they say.
I am in an almost 10 year relationship with a man that I love very much. We have lived together for 2 years in our own place (previously, I was living part-time with him at his parents, and part time at my own parents, as I was finishing university). We have a dog together, and almost everything we own other than our cars and clothing is shared. We met when we were really young (I was finishing my last year of high school, he was a couple of years older) so I didn’t expect a ring within the first three or four years. After moving in together, however, I’ve become pretty impatient.
As far as discussion goes: we’ve been talking about marriage for years, but in a “in the future” kind of way. Over the last couple of years, I’ve started asking when he might feel ready for this kind of thing. Usually, the answer is quite vague: “before I’m 30,” (he’s 29) “soon,” “a year or two.”
About a year ago, one of our close friends became engaged to a woman he had only been dating for a year. I’ll admit that after years of “you guys are next!” at every wedding and engagement party we go to, this put me in a bad mood. I was visibly upset for a while afterward, and my boyfriend picked up on this. When I told him the reason it sparked a pretty big argument/discussion about our future and where we stand. He insisted again that he wants to marry me, that he plans on proposing “soon” and basically gave me a not-so-subtle hint that it would happen by or on our 10th anniversary. After this, I stopped bringing it up because I didn’t want him to propose out of obligation or a sense of being nagged, and I was also excited that this would happen within the year.
Here’s my problem: Our 10th anniversary is in less than 3 months. He was so broke after buying himself winter fishing equipment that he didn’t even have money to pay for his half of the rent this month (he makes great money, but unfortunately works hourly and took some time off for the holidays so didn’t get paid). I’m starting to think that, not only has he not saved up for a ring, he hasn’t even started thinking about it, and isn’t actually serious about the timeline he gave me. Honestly, I’d be happy with no ring at all and just a proposal, but I’m starting to think that isn’t coming either. While I’m not one for ultimatums, I did tell myself that, were we not engaged after our 10th anniversary I’d have to move on (I don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend for 10 years. I want a family and marriage and I feel that that is long enough to wait).
My question to you, bees: have any of you experienced something similar? Did he propose? Was it thrown together last minute? And if he didn’t propose, did you leave? What was the outcome?