(Closed) Am I crazy or is this rude?!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Rude rude rude and rude.

I am really surprized how often people write about this situation on the board.  What surprizes me even more is that about 100% of the time the other person goes to the wedding without their SO.

Your Fiance made a commitment to the couple but IMO he made a bigger commitment to you.  I’d be livid at Fiance if he attended or associated wih that couple again.  Having zero respect for your BFF’s SO, is an automatic move to the shit list for me.

Good luck OP, that couple isn’t worth anything.

Post # 4
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Moonbear17:  Wow. This is rude. Fiance should call up his friend and say something along the lines of “We were assuming my fiancee would be invited, as it is proper that wedding party member sreceive plus ones and since she is my fiancee. If she isn’t invited I really don’t know if I’ll be able to make the trip solo.”

Post # 5
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

They’ll LET you come if they have room? They’ll LET you pay money to fly to their destination wedding and buy them a wedding gift IF they can accommodate you? Thanks but no thanks.

Post # 6
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Don’t worry about it too much – I am sure it will work out in the end.

It sounds like they weren’t trying to snub you, they may have just listed everyone who was currently engaged or married together and not included the (techincally) “singles” to try and cut costs. It makes sense, being a semi-destination wedding.
I considered doing it when I was planning a very small wedding, too.

You said you weren’t engaged at the time, and even though they knew his plans to ask you, who knows, you could have said “no!” I think it’s very considerate for them to offer you a place if they have the room, but please remember that it’s not always easy to invite everyone to a small wedding!
Our quest list snowballed so quickly that we had to totally scrap the small wedding idea (and the small budget, oh well), it’s just so hard to invite one person without inviting another. It’s a lot of stress!

I hope you are able to go and have a good time. If not, then send them your best and do something nice for yourself that weekend. 🙂

Post # 7
2296 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Agree with the PP’s who say it’s super rude, and it’s even WORSE because they got a heads up, when your fi specifically checked with them! 

Post # 8
3768 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Argh that is indeed super rude.  This is probably a case of your FI’s friend not discussing things with his Fiance…  Since your Fiance has already gotten his suit/tailoring etc, it makes sense and I agree with your Fiance for wanting to keep with his commitment.  It totally totally sucks, but hopefully things will work out in the end and you both can still have a nice weekend away.

Post # 9
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Moonbear17:  You and your Fiance are living together and therefore should be considered a social unit so, yes – not inviting you was incredibly rude.

Frankly, if I were your Fiance I’d make an issue of it – particularly since the Groom told him you would be invited.  It is spectacularly self-centered of them to expect your Fiance to fly across the country to stand up in their wedding and not recognize his relationship. 

Post # 13
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

View original reply
@Atalanta: +1  

I agree that this is beyond rude, and I also echo the shock that so many people end up going to these rude people’s weddings without their partners. My Fiance and I (even before he was my FI) are a package deal. If you don’t invite me, you’re not getting him either (and vicer versa). Especially for a destination wedding, it is unreasonable to expect someone in a committed relationship to go solo.

God, people are so selfish sometimes.  

Post # 14
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

yes. this IS rude!!


Post # 16
4334 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

yikes. your Fiance should tell them if they dont have room for you, that he will lighten their burden of guests and not come anymore. so what if he already bought a suit – now he has a nice suit. at least you will save on the travel costs for both of you!

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